Goodness, it HAS been long since I last updated this blog :P To answer the question posed by my previous post: NO, the dreams have NOT stopped when my exams did, but at least they're less frequent, less disturbing and less convoluted now. :)
*Distracted by hair, which currently feels like hay -- or how I imagine hay to feel like*
I wonder what it would be like to live on my own? (Surprisingly, this thought was sparked off by an Archie comic! :P Okay, so they're not exactly the epitome of deep thought, but it's not as if they're entirely devoid of social relevance eh? :)
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Friday, May 04, 2007
Tiring Dreams
I wonder if this ordeal will end today, with my last exam.
Was doubly compounded because I got my period late last night, which meant I couldn't sleep at all due to cramps and tummy rumblings and such. I probably fell asleep for a couple of hours until my alarm rang at 9am... I woke up and decided to sleep for another hour... and in that one hour, as usual, I had to have a dream. Sigh.
The first part was some performance of some sort... I really can't remember what it was now (I think I was dancing) but I only remember us rehearsing the "finale" bit, where all the performers and crew walk out on stage to take our bows etc. So for some reason we're just standing around, and the scene appears to change...
Can't remember what event it was, but there was some event held at my condominium, and there were a lot of kids running around... There were a couple of boys that riled me a bit because they did something quite cruel to fish or something like that. They had something like a stone bowl in which they were mishandling a couple of miserable-looking fish. After the boys ran off, one of the kids I was with tried to scoop a fish up too and I quickly reprimanded her. There was a goldfish flapping on the floor so I picked it up and put it back in the stone bowl that had a few other fish swimming in it too.
Then I had the impression I was talking to the parents of the two boys, particularly the mother, and sortof telling them about their boys' mistreatment of the fish or some sort of wrong they had done me... when suddenly the boys' mother asked me aggressively, "Where are our shoes?" I was taken aback of course, and said I had no idea. She said "Usually people steal the shoes of the people who stole their fish right?", indicating that she suspected me of stealing their shoes. I was quite indignant, but tried to suppress my anger and merely told her that I did not steal her shoes and asked her to be reasonable. I mean in the first place her statement admitted they had stolen our fish or something right? Somehow things degenerated into a shouting argument (I remember thinking: Perhaps I'm just letting off steam through this) and I remember yelling that such things wouldn't happen to us because we weren't so stupid as to leave our fish outside and let our children ill-treat them.
Then the woman came out of her house again with a clipboard with a form and a pencil, and made to start writing something. I figure she might be writing an account of the argument or something to make a complaint against me, but I'm conscious of not having done or said anything wrong so I'm not at all afraid, only standing there with a confident look waiting for her to write what she wanted. My mum walks by and asks me what happened, and I said I've been having an argument, and she said "Very loud?" The lady comes back and recognises my mum, and my mum looks at the form and asks, "Making a complaint ah?" and the lady says yes. Then she asks me how I know my mum and I say "She's my mother" and my mum smiles at the lady and says "So you're going to tell me next time we meet...?" The lady seems a bit flustered and says "No lah", but she continues writing anyway and I tell my mum I'm just waiting for her to finish her complaint and then I'll make mine. Then my mum tells me "Good, I also want to complain."
And at that point I wake up. Heh. It does feel good to be supported against unreasonable people :) But I'm very tired of conflict dreams. How oh how am I going to handle that exam later?
Was doubly compounded because I got my period late last night, which meant I couldn't sleep at all due to cramps and tummy rumblings and such. I probably fell asleep for a couple of hours until my alarm rang at 9am... I woke up and decided to sleep for another hour... and in that one hour, as usual, I had to have a dream. Sigh.
The first part was some performance of some sort... I really can't remember what it was now (I think I was dancing) but I only remember us rehearsing the "finale" bit, where all the performers and crew walk out on stage to take our bows etc. So for some reason we're just standing around, and the scene appears to change...
Can't remember what event it was, but there was some event held at my condominium, and there were a lot of kids running around... There were a couple of boys that riled me a bit because they did something quite cruel to fish or something like that. They had something like a stone bowl in which they were mishandling a couple of miserable-looking fish. After the boys ran off, one of the kids I was with tried to scoop a fish up too and I quickly reprimanded her. There was a goldfish flapping on the floor so I picked it up and put it back in the stone bowl that had a few other fish swimming in it too.
Then I had the impression I was talking to the parents of the two boys, particularly the mother, and sortof telling them about their boys' mistreatment of the fish or some sort of wrong they had done me... when suddenly the boys' mother asked me aggressively, "Where are our shoes?" I was taken aback of course, and said I had no idea. She said "Usually people steal the shoes of the people who stole their fish right?", indicating that she suspected me of stealing their shoes. I was quite indignant, but tried to suppress my anger and merely told her that I did not steal her shoes and asked her to be reasonable. I mean in the first place her statement admitted they had stolen our fish or something right? Somehow things degenerated into a shouting argument (I remember thinking: Perhaps I'm just letting off steam through this) and I remember yelling that such things wouldn't happen to us because we weren't so stupid as to leave our fish outside and let our children ill-treat them.
Then the woman came out of her house again with a clipboard with a form and a pencil, and made to start writing something. I figure she might be writing an account of the argument or something to make a complaint against me, but I'm conscious of not having done or said anything wrong so I'm not at all afraid, only standing there with a confident look waiting for her to write what she wanted. My mum walks by and asks me what happened, and I said I've been having an argument, and she said "Very loud?" The lady comes back and recognises my mum, and my mum looks at the form and asks, "Making a complaint ah?" and the lady says yes. Then she asks me how I know my mum and I say "She's my mother" and my mum smiles at the lady and says "So you're going to tell me next time we meet...?" The lady seems a bit flustered and says "No lah", but she continues writing anyway and I tell my mum I'm just waiting for her to finish her complaint and then I'll make mine. Then my mum tells me "Good, I also want to complain."
And at that point I wake up. Heh. It does feel good to be supported against unreasonable people :) But I'm very tired of conflict dreams. How oh how am I going to handle that exam later?
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Adventure Dreams :S
Yes they're back again. These dreams are slightly different from my usual talky, slightly-weird dreams, though... I feel like I've just been through an episode of Spy Kids, heh! Be warned, folks, this is long (have you ever tried to DESCRIBE an action movie in complete sentences??), but the most tense dream I've ever had, I think.
I think there were three parts to my dream, although I only remember two... the first part I think took place in a HDB flat, because I remember the facade of my old flat at Bukit Batok and I could see lots of people through the door, including my Dad's sister's family, but for some random reason I was going nearby with Mum and an unidentified younger relative to go and get something from a nearby shop, so Mum was telling me to wear my other slippers because she was wearing mine.
I just remembered there was a brief episode of going with a couple of relatives (definitely my brother was there) to buy a newspaper, I don't know for what reason. Somehow the smaller papers like The New Paper was our specific goal (when we generally don't read the smaller papers). We were in a car and I was the one who got out to buy the paper, with a $5 note in my hand. Surprisingly, one of our cousins on our mother's side is running the stall, and I ask her for The New Paper but my eyes are drawn to the pile of Archie comic books while waiting :P She hands me one of them instead of the newspaper and I quickly clarify that I want the newspaper instead... but on a sudden impulse I told her I'll take the Archie comic as well :P The total comes up to more than $5 so I tell her I'll get more money from the car, but she marches up to the car by herself and holds out The New Paper and the comic book. I'm a little embarrassed because I know my brother will chide me for buying the comic, but at any rate I try to ask for more money to pay for it... and actually after that I don't remember what happens :P I do have the impression though that we're looking for something to happen and be reported in the news, so I was actually asking my cousin for the Today paper or something like that, but she didn't seem to have it. Hmm.
I don't know how that progressed to the next part, but we were all in some bungalow house, and for some reason everybody had to leave to get something or other, and I was left alone in it. I think I must have been watching the news on TV, and then the doorbell rang, and just as I was going to open the door I had the sudden thought, "What if it's a robber who's trying to force his way in?" So before opening the door I peep through the peephole, and it's three of my family/relatives so I feel reassured and open the door, although I notice that they seem to be staring to the side. (Isn't it strange how you can never really see very much through these peep-hole things -- it's so easy to hide from their range of vision!) Sure enough, they come in through the door, but behind them comes this stocky man rather beyond middle age, threatening them with something which I couldn't see at the moment. I comtemplated slamming the door on him, but he moved too fast and was in before I could accomplish that and I figured it wouldn't be too smart to get him angry. And then I realised he was pointing TOOTHPICKS at us 0_o At first I was wondering "Toothpicks? Are they really capable of hurting us?" but those toothpicks did look rather sharp and my relative who just came in through the door handed me a few toothpicks whose points had been dented.
So I figured with a big house and a few of us around, we should be able to call the police, right? The problem is the guy wouldn't sit still and kept wandering around the house staring at everybody in turn (and holding his toothpicks), so it would be impossible to make a call because he would definitely hear it. I kept trying to think of ways to let the police know, and wishing they had an SMS crisis hotline! :S Finally he ordered me (as the youngest person there) to put on the radio, and for some reason I don't really know how to turn it on so I go fiddling all around it. While I'm doing that, I'm thinking all the time of how the radio sound might cover the sound of the police call. One of my relatives comes to help me and the man orders her to step back because he can't see what we're doing. While waiting for the radio, he gets one of us to turn on the TV or he turns it on himself, and there's quite a bit of noise when the radio finally goes on as well. I don't know why I ask him whether he wants the TV off (there should have been a LOT of noise to cover the call now) but there's a bit of confusion when I couldn't tell if he was referring to wanting the radio or the TV to be off, but in any case he eventually clarified the TV should be switched off, and then amazingly the radio, too.
Increasingly more family/relatives return, and we try to warn them through signs but they walk in too quickly... One of my aunts (whom I actually don't recognise 0_o) tries a bit too obviously and I'm afraid the guy has noticed, but he doesn't seem to have. An uncle tries some subtle handsigns while facing the open door, and I quickly cover for him by blocking him from the guy's line of sight by standing in front of him while apparently reading some document. In this position I can see out the door and there's a stranger there, some sort of delivery man, and he seems to be getting the signs. My uncle moves towards the door to make it clearer and I move with him, still covering him, and somebody hands me a dry-cleaned suit which I quickly grab and hold to help cover a bit more. For some reason my brother asks me why I am showing the toothpick guy the suit, and I quickly whisper to him that I'm using it to help cover my uncle's actions.
I don't know how we progress to the garden, but eventually we're there, and the toothpick guy appears to have left his toothpicks in the house. Some stuff happens but I'm not sure what; I only remember thinking that now he's out here someone can call the police from inside the house. At any rate he keeps his eye on me (*shudder*), and when a car comes by he's suddenly frightened and asks if it's the police. I say I don't know, but it turns out that it really is a police car, and he makes me lean back in my chair to cover him from the policemen's sight. The police car stops, though, and the policeman starts heading towards us, apparently to comment that our whole extended family is out in the yard but the house is completely dark (I had the impression there that toothpick guy made us turn off the lights). At that point I look back, and the toothpick guy is just crouching in his chair with no toothpicks in his hand, and I think: "Now or never!" and just launch myself at him, grabbing his arm and twisting it behind his back. Now I've heard that there's such a way of twisting someone's arm that will incapacitate them from running away, but of course I can't remember how to do it, so I just try my best and sit on his back as an added measure. I think one of the adult men come over to help me, but surprisingly there doesn't seem to be a big rush of them. Heh. At any rate I don't think much happens after that, although I have the strange impression that i'm still practising arm-twist holds on a much smaller person who keeps trying to wriggle away and keeps succeeding in getting her arms free.
That could be linked to the third and last part, where I'm apparently leading a few kids on some rescue mission in a toy factory or school and we're supposed to rescue some pony-like creature. I have a feeling we've done this before, because the place and the way the pony-like creature escapes detection is the same, and we tell each other "Same as last time" as we run through an empty dinner ballroom and reach the storeroom. (I think I might have dreamt of something similar, previously.) The difference is that when we reach the storeroom we can't find the pony-like creature. Instead, we uncover some kitty-like creatures disguised as lambs, and for some reason that appears to be the creatures we're supposed to rescue instead 0_o (I still think it's fascinating how goals can change so quickly and randomly in dreams :P) Also, the creatures are gently moving, but I have the impression that they're actually robotic, even though sentient in some way, which is why we're rescuing them. Anyway I keep a watch to see if anyone's coming, and I spot the waiters coming back into the ballroom, presumably to check it one last time and close up, so I quickly signal the other two kids to hide behind this rack with lots of hangers that we hid behind the last time. Somehow, though, we seem unable to get completely behind it like last time, and I'm watching the feet of the people walking outside the storeroom and feeling rather worried. One of the kids starts to speak but I suddenly remember that our voices might be recorded and put my finger on my lips to prevent them from speaking, being recorded and being recognised at a later date. (Later in the dream, I seem to have forgotten this precaution :P)
Imperceptibly the area outside the storeroom has changed from a dinner ballroom to a Japanese boarding school type of thing, and we appear to be dressed in school uniforms 0_o There are lots of youths walking around in school uniform and calling to their friends in the upper or lower floors, and a few strict-looking prefects going around telling everybody where they should be. One of them glares at the three of us for a bit, but we act nonchalent like it's perfectly normal for us to be there and the prefect appears to consider that we must be VIKs (Very Important Kids) since we're in a VIP room (0_o since when), so leaves us alone. We lie there just a little out of sight, waiting for them as they pull shut some vertical metal shutters so we can move around without being scrutinised. Just as we think we've got away with it, this small child (NOT dressed in school uniform) comes up to us. I've got the impression she's the daughter of the tycoon who owns/runs the place, and is going to denounce us, so with sinking heart I hear her say "I'm not going to let you get--" Suddenly, she is interrupted by her slightly older sister (who is still rather young but they look quite alike), who comes up to us and starts talking to us exactly as if we were her friends! (And we are no longer dressed in school uniform. Hmm.) I have a vague impression we've met her before and really did talk to her then, but anyway I'm very thankful and relieved at not being revealed. The older girl has a young boy in tow, and she introduces him as her younger brother and the other young girl as her sister. In turn, I introduce the two kids with me, and I suddenly realise they're my cousin Si'En and my niece Queenie (from different families on different sides of my family, and they're about the same age). Then I turn around and introduce my brother too (where did HE come from??), and for some strange reason I decide to tell these kids what we're trying to do, so I head to the back of the storeroom and get one of those cat-lamb things, and bring it back to the table (it's a table now 0_o and looks like my old Sunday School tables with the blue top) and open the box (which is strangely cheesecake-shaped). There are TWO of those creatures in it and I don't know how, but they seem to change into monkey-like creatures when taken out of the box and the children are delighted by them.
Suddenly, an older girl (more like a young adult; seemingly older than my dream self, who was in my teens rather than currently; she appears to be some sort of children's pop star, like Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff) walks into the room through a glass door (??), and we quickly hide the creatures we are holding under the table. She starts off on a circuitous route of telling us she knows what we are up to by asking us various questions, and after awhile I tire of it and tell her that I know what she wants to say and I know they sent her. This takes her by surprise and she laughs. Just then, a guy about her age and also one of those child TV stars walks in and is about to open his mouth when I decide to pre-empt him too, saying "Look, let's cut to the chase. You're here to tell us we suck, get out of here, they know we're here, right?" He is totally taken by surprise and laughs, too. I ask "Did I get anything wrong?" and he raises his hands and shrugs, indicating I haven't. So I tell them they can go, and the guy walks away still smiling in disbelief, and the girl walks out but she lingers a bit more, shaking her head with disbelieving smiles and taking our her handphone to SMS something.
At this point I've had enough suspense, so I get up and say "Alright, they know we're here, let's get out of here" and everybody starts packing to leave. Strangely, some kids are taping everything with brown tape and they appear to have taped over the cat-lamb creatures in their boxes by mistake :S I grab them and bring them to the table, and kids start tearing the brown tape off and freeing the creatures. I go back to the back of the room to look for a big sheet of paper to wrap something in (strangely, I have no idea what I'm supposed to wrap 0_o), and encounter my church childhood friend Grace Ong in a white frilly dress 0_o I've got the impression that I must thank her for the neat state of the storeroom, and I do, but while I'm trying to find a big piece of paper, I see that Grace Ong is trying to do something to her white frilly dress and Li-En, another church childhood friend, is trying to help her, him being dressed in black. At any rate I find a good piece of paper and rush back to the table and am about to distribute the creatures for the few of us to carry out of the factory...
And then I reach reality i.e. wake up gently. :) Had an interesting time after that just lying in bed and trying to think about how the rest of the rescue would be effected. I had the impression just before I woke that I had received some news that my brother was hurt, but how was that possible if he was right there in the rescue mission with us? So I ruminated on how I would handle the possible infiltration of an imposter, what if that girl had activated the locking of the glass doors, whether there'd be any traps if we slid down the garbage chute, whether I should go first as leader to make decisions and warn the rest of any traps or go last to be able to handle any situations like adults rushing in, whether they would be watching to put traps like motion lasers but only after I've gone first to try something out and thus trapping the rest of the younger ones, whether it would be wise to rush back for them, how we might escape such a motion laser trap, how we might fool them by sneaking out a side door and then throwing an object back to trigger the motion lasers and then running like heck, how the children's TV stars we saw might have been convinced to help us escape and leave the factory too, and how that might be accomplished, or how they might free the rest of the robot creatures kept by the hundreds in a hidden storeroom somewhere by activating them to escape, and how the robot creatures themselves might assist the two of them in escaping by transporting them and covering them and changing their appearance in minutes and forming flying transport vehicles, and how the creatures in our backpacks that we were trying to save might be activated by this escape command too and we would release them from our backpacks and what if someone's backpack didn't seem to be activated...
And ALL THIS happened in the course of one hour in real-life time. Whew. Is it any wonder dreams tire me out? :S Unfortunately after that, I can't really sleep any more. But I feel like I've already gone through an entire day and an active one, at least in my head. :S Now my body feels like sandpaper. Gahhh.
At any rate, now I know I'm not a coward, at least subconsciously. And yesterday's QT material emphasised "Be strong and of good courage", too :P But I just want my beauty sleep... *waaaaaaaaaaaaails*
I think there were three parts to my dream, although I only remember two... the first part I think took place in a HDB flat, because I remember the facade of my old flat at Bukit Batok and I could see lots of people through the door, including my Dad's sister's family, but for some random reason I was going nearby with Mum and an unidentified younger relative to go and get something from a nearby shop, so Mum was telling me to wear my other slippers because she was wearing mine.
I just remembered there was a brief episode of going with a couple of relatives (definitely my brother was there) to buy a newspaper, I don't know for what reason. Somehow the smaller papers like The New Paper was our specific goal (when we generally don't read the smaller papers). We were in a car and I was the one who got out to buy the paper, with a $5 note in my hand. Surprisingly, one of our cousins on our mother's side is running the stall, and I ask her for The New Paper but my eyes are drawn to the pile of Archie comic books while waiting :P She hands me one of them instead of the newspaper and I quickly clarify that I want the newspaper instead... but on a sudden impulse I told her I'll take the Archie comic as well :P The total comes up to more than $5 so I tell her I'll get more money from the car, but she marches up to the car by herself and holds out The New Paper and the comic book. I'm a little embarrassed because I know my brother will chide me for buying the comic, but at any rate I try to ask for more money to pay for it... and actually after that I don't remember what happens :P I do have the impression though that we're looking for something to happen and be reported in the news, so I was actually asking my cousin for the Today paper or something like that, but she didn't seem to have it. Hmm.
I don't know how that progressed to the next part, but we were all in some bungalow house, and for some reason everybody had to leave to get something or other, and I was left alone in it. I think I must have been watching the news on TV, and then the doorbell rang, and just as I was going to open the door I had the sudden thought, "What if it's a robber who's trying to force his way in?" So before opening the door I peep through the peephole, and it's three of my family/relatives so I feel reassured and open the door, although I notice that they seem to be staring to the side. (Isn't it strange how you can never really see very much through these peep-hole things -- it's so easy to hide from their range of vision!) Sure enough, they come in through the door, but behind them comes this stocky man rather beyond middle age, threatening them with something which I couldn't see at the moment. I comtemplated slamming the door on him, but he moved too fast and was in before I could accomplish that and I figured it wouldn't be too smart to get him angry. And then I realised he was pointing TOOTHPICKS at us 0_o At first I was wondering "Toothpicks? Are they really capable of hurting us?" but those toothpicks did look rather sharp and my relative who just came in through the door handed me a few toothpicks whose points had been dented.
So I figured with a big house and a few of us around, we should be able to call the police, right? The problem is the guy wouldn't sit still and kept wandering around the house staring at everybody in turn (and holding his toothpicks), so it would be impossible to make a call because he would definitely hear it. I kept trying to think of ways to let the police know, and wishing they had an SMS crisis hotline! :S Finally he ordered me (as the youngest person there) to put on the radio, and for some reason I don't really know how to turn it on so I go fiddling all around it. While I'm doing that, I'm thinking all the time of how the radio sound might cover the sound of the police call. One of my relatives comes to help me and the man orders her to step back because he can't see what we're doing. While waiting for the radio, he gets one of us to turn on the TV or he turns it on himself, and there's quite a bit of noise when the radio finally goes on as well. I don't know why I ask him whether he wants the TV off (there should have been a LOT of noise to cover the call now) but there's a bit of confusion when I couldn't tell if he was referring to wanting the radio or the TV to be off, but in any case he eventually clarified the TV should be switched off, and then amazingly the radio, too.
Increasingly more family/relatives return, and we try to warn them through signs but they walk in too quickly... One of my aunts (whom I actually don't recognise 0_o) tries a bit too obviously and I'm afraid the guy has noticed, but he doesn't seem to have. An uncle tries some subtle handsigns while facing the open door, and I quickly cover for him by blocking him from the guy's line of sight by standing in front of him while apparently reading some document. In this position I can see out the door and there's a stranger there, some sort of delivery man, and he seems to be getting the signs. My uncle moves towards the door to make it clearer and I move with him, still covering him, and somebody hands me a dry-cleaned suit which I quickly grab and hold to help cover a bit more. For some reason my brother asks me why I am showing the toothpick guy the suit, and I quickly whisper to him that I'm using it to help cover my uncle's actions.
I don't know how we progress to the garden, but eventually we're there, and the toothpick guy appears to have left his toothpicks in the house. Some stuff happens but I'm not sure what; I only remember thinking that now he's out here someone can call the police from inside the house. At any rate he keeps his eye on me (*shudder*), and when a car comes by he's suddenly frightened and asks if it's the police. I say I don't know, but it turns out that it really is a police car, and he makes me lean back in my chair to cover him from the policemen's sight. The police car stops, though, and the policeman starts heading towards us, apparently to comment that our whole extended family is out in the yard but the house is completely dark (I had the impression there that toothpick guy made us turn off the lights). At that point I look back, and the toothpick guy is just crouching in his chair with no toothpicks in his hand, and I think: "Now or never!" and just launch myself at him, grabbing his arm and twisting it behind his back. Now I've heard that there's such a way of twisting someone's arm that will incapacitate them from running away, but of course I can't remember how to do it, so I just try my best and sit on his back as an added measure. I think one of the adult men come over to help me, but surprisingly there doesn't seem to be a big rush of them. Heh. At any rate I don't think much happens after that, although I have the strange impression that i'm still practising arm-twist holds on a much smaller person who keeps trying to wriggle away and keeps succeeding in getting her arms free.
That could be linked to the third and last part, where I'm apparently leading a few kids on some rescue mission in a toy factory or school and we're supposed to rescue some pony-like creature. I have a feeling we've done this before, because the place and the way the pony-like creature escapes detection is the same, and we tell each other "Same as last time" as we run through an empty dinner ballroom and reach the storeroom. (I think I might have dreamt of something similar, previously.) The difference is that when we reach the storeroom we can't find the pony-like creature. Instead, we uncover some kitty-like creatures disguised as lambs, and for some reason that appears to be the creatures we're supposed to rescue instead 0_o (I still think it's fascinating how goals can change so quickly and randomly in dreams :P) Also, the creatures are gently moving, but I have the impression that they're actually robotic, even though sentient in some way, which is why we're rescuing them. Anyway I keep a watch to see if anyone's coming, and I spot the waiters coming back into the ballroom, presumably to check it one last time and close up, so I quickly signal the other two kids to hide behind this rack with lots of hangers that we hid behind the last time. Somehow, though, we seem unable to get completely behind it like last time, and I'm watching the feet of the people walking outside the storeroom and feeling rather worried. One of the kids starts to speak but I suddenly remember that our voices might be recorded and put my finger on my lips to prevent them from speaking, being recorded and being recognised at a later date. (Later in the dream, I seem to have forgotten this precaution :P)
Imperceptibly the area outside the storeroom has changed from a dinner ballroom to a Japanese boarding school type of thing, and we appear to be dressed in school uniforms 0_o There are lots of youths walking around in school uniform and calling to their friends in the upper or lower floors, and a few strict-looking prefects going around telling everybody where they should be. One of them glares at the three of us for a bit, but we act nonchalent like it's perfectly normal for us to be there and the prefect appears to consider that we must be VIKs (Very Important Kids) since we're in a VIP room (0_o since when), so leaves us alone. We lie there just a little out of sight, waiting for them as they pull shut some vertical metal shutters so we can move around without being scrutinised. Just as we think we've got away with it, this small child (NOT dressed in school uniform) comes up to us. I've got the impression she's the daughter of the tycoon who owns/runs the place, and is going to denounce us, so with sinking heart I hear her say "I'm not going to let you get--" Suddenly, she is interrupted by her slightly older sister (who is still rather young but they look quite alike), who comes up to us and starts talking to us exactly as if we were her friends! (And we are no longer dressed in school uniform. Hmm.) I have a vague impression we've met her before and really did talk to her then, but anyway I'm very thankful and relieved at not being revealed. The older girl has a young boy in tow, and she introduces him as her younger brother and the other young girl as her sister. In turn, I introduce the two kids with me, and I suddenly realise they're my cousin Si'En and my niece Queenie (from different families on different sides of my family, and they're about the same age). Then I turn around and introduce my brother too (where did HE come from??), and for some strange reason I decide to tell these kids what we're trying to do, so I head to the back of the storeroom and get one of those cat-lamb things, and bring it back to the table (it's a table now 0_o and looks like my old Sunday School tables with the blue top) and open the box (which is strangely cheesecake-shaped). There are TWO of those creatures in it and I don't know how, but they seem to change into monkey-like creatures when taken out of the box and the children are delighted by them.
Suddenly, an older girl (more like a young adult; seemingly older than my dream self, who was in my teens rather than currently; she appears to be some sort of children's pop star, like Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff) walks into the room through a glass door (??), and we quickly hide the creatures we are holding under the table. She starts off on a circuitous route of telling us she knows what we are up to by asking us various questions, and after awhile I tire of it and tell her that I know what she wants to say and I know they sent her. This takes her by surprise and she laughs. Just then, a guy about her age and also one of those child TV stars walks in and is about to open his mouth when I decide to pre-empt him too, saying "Look, let's cut to the chase. You're here to tell us we suck, get out of here, they know we're here, right?" He is totally taken by surprise and laughs, too. I ask "Did I get anything wrong?" and he raises his hands and shrugs, indicating I haven't. So I tell them they can go, and the guy walks away still smiling in disbelief, and the girl walks out but she lingers a bit more, shaking her head with disbelieving smiles and taking our her handphone to SMS something.
At this point I've had enough suspense, so I get up and say "Alright, they know we're here, let's get out of here" and everybody starts packing to leave. Strangely, some kids are taping everything with brown tape and they appear to have taped over the cat-lamb creatures in their boxes by mistake :S I grab them and bring them to the table, and kids start tearing the brown tape off and freeing the creatures. I go back to the back of the room to look for a big sheet of paper to wrap something in (strangely, I have no idea what I'm supposed to wrap 0_o), and encounter my church childhood friend Grace Ong in a white frilly dress 0_o I've got the impression that I must thank her for the neat state of the storeroom, and I do, but while I'm trying to find a big piece of paper, I see that Grace Ong is trying to do something to her white frilly dress and Li-En, another church childhood friend, is trying to help her, him being dressed in black. At any rate I find a good piece of paper and rush back to the table and am about to distribute the creatures for the few of us to carry out of the factory...
And then I reach reality i.e. wake up gently. :) Had an interesting time after that just lying in bed and trying to think about how the rest of the rescue would be effected. I had the impression just before I woke that I had received some news that my brother was hurt, but how was that possible if he was right there in the rescue mission with us? So I ruminated on how I would handle the possible infiltration of an imposter, what if that girl had activated the locking of the glass doors, whether there'd be any traps if we slid down the garbage chute, whether I should go first as leader to make decisions and warn the rest of any traps or go last to be able to handle any situations like adults rushing in, whether they would be watching to put traps like motion lasers but only after I've gone first to try something out and thus trapping the rest of the younger ones, whether it would be wise to rush back for them, how we might escape such a motion laser trap, how we might fool them by sneaking out a side door and then throwing an object back to trigger the motion lasers and then running like heck, how the children's TV stars we saw might have been convinced to help us escape and leave the factory too, and how that might be accomplished, or how they might free the rest of the robot creatures kept by the hundreds in a hidden storeroom somewhere by activating them to escape, and how the robot creatures themselves might assist the two of them in escaping by transporting them and covering them and changing their appearance in minutes and forming flying transport vehicles, and how the creatures in our backpacks that we were trying to save might be activated by this escape command too and we would release them from our backpacks and what if someone's backpack didn't seem to be activated...
And ALL THIS happened in the course of one hour in real-life time. Whew. Is it any wonder dreams tire me out? :S Unfortunately after that, I can't really sleep any more. But I feel like I've already gone through an entire day and an active one, at least in my head. :S Now my body feels like sandpaper. Gahhh.
At any rate, now I know I'm not a coward, at least subconsciously. And yesterday's QT material emphasised "Be strong and of good courage", too :P But I just want my beauty sleep... *waaaaaaaaaaaaails*
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Dream Distress -- and then the Lord's Love.
God answered a prayer of mine most quickly (Thank You, Lord :D) but that means the Dreams are back. Gahh! I'm even having them during naps now, and it's rather tiring...
This afternoon's was somewhat distressing too. It started off well, because I had a vague impression of being with my crush and being very happy, and even bumping into one or two of my ACJC classmates with friendly greetings. Then in between (or was it?) there was a part about helping my parents with something or other... And then I went back to look for those ACJC classmates to tell them this great idea I had for a reunion party/meetup. Was very pleased to see even more classmates turn up and they organised an impromptu gathering right then and there, but I couldn't join them because my parents were waiting for me to go somewhere... So I tried to tell them so, and ask them if they would be open to my idea for the reunion party, but nobody was listening to me except one girl. She asked the rest and nobody seemed to reply me, with only one Christian girl smiling at me without saying anything... And on top of that I had the impression that a few of my classmates were deliberately ignoring me.
Now this is a very hurtful feeling, even in a dream, so I made to go... I wondered if I should tell them I was going but nobody really seemed to care and even people whom I used to be able to talk to in the class were making arrangements to meet up with each other and nobody really bothered about me. And then a sudden rush of memory intruded my dream and I remembered the (real-life) reunion party that I was conveniently forgotten from, and in my dream I walked away briskly to find my parents and could hardly hold back my tears. :'(
Then it became even more distressing as I realised I'd taken longer than I expected and my parents would be fuming by now, so I rushed to the carpark to look for them... and they weren't where they were waiting before. I started worriedly walking around the carpark to try and find them, and I met a church auntie who said my parents were waiting for me in the next row, but before I got to the next row I saw two people who looked exactly like my parents but they were not in our car, instead in a sortof hybrid mini-van vehicle. I walked up to them but they didn't seem to see or recognise me, and made to drive off.
At this point I woke up... But the pain and distress have not yet fully left me. I know in many ways I have had a blessed, sheltered, some would say pampered life, but the pain of being a social outcast is very, very, VERY real, and nobody should ever discount that. :(
But I can't say I haven't been blessed. I've come a long way from my "social outcast" status and last year someone described me as "the life of the party". I'm not blind enough to agree with that, but I will admit that by God's immense grace I've learnt to be socially pliable in certain ways, while still maintaining the principles that got me labelled as an outcast in the first place. I've been given the opportunity to interact with a wide range of people such that I don't have to restrict my choices of friendships, and have been able to gather a good group of people in various areas of my life that I can talk to freely and pleasurably. Most importantly, throughout the years of pain I had wonderful support from my family that always, ALWAYS reminded me I was loved and valued as a person (except for my pimples, but that's another story). And through it all, I thank God for being my Rock and my Redeemer, for wiping my tears when I could no longer hold them back, for leading me to people who matter immeasurably more than I could have ever thought.
Here's to You, God, for taking a loner and making her into an extrovert over a period of 4 years with Your unfailing love. :)
Here's to you, my family, for always being there, always valuing, always encouraging (even in my failed endeavours), always praying with me and for me. :')
Here's to you, Dawny, my loving, laughing, closest friend of 10 years. :)
Here's to you, my love... for finally completing the circle of love God has put in my heart. :')
However, this post doesn't end with me... Having, as I say, a completed circle of love, I must make it my goal ever more to share this overwhelming, overflowing love I've received with others. And with my upcoming graduation, it seems the perfect time to look for a job that would allow me to do that as part of my daily activities. Don't you agree? :)
May your circle of love be complete in God. :)
This afternoon's was somewhat distressing too. It started off well, because I had a vague impression of being with my crush and being very happy, and even bumping into one or two of my ACJC classmates with friendly greetings. Then in between (or was it?) there was a part about helping my parents with something or other... And then I went back to look for those ACJC classmates to tell them this great idea I had for a reunion party/meetup. Was very pleased to see even more classmates turn up and they organised an impromptu gathering right then and there, but I couldn't join them because my parents were waiting for me to go somewhere... So I tried to tell them so, and ask them if they would be open to my idea for the reunion party, but nobody was listening to me except one girl. She asked the rest and nobody seemed to reply me, with only one Christian girl smiling at me without saying anything... And on top of that I had the impression that a few of my classmates were deliberately ignoring me.
Now this is a very hurtful feeling, even in a dream, so I made to go... I wondered if I should tell them I was going but nobody really seemed to care and even people whom I used to be able to talk to in the class were making arrangements to meet up with each other and nobody really bothered about me. And then a sudden rush of memory intruded my dream and I remembered the (real-life) reunion party that I was conveniently forgotten from, and in my dream I walked away briskly to find my parents and could hardly hold back my tears. :'(
Then it became even more distressing as I realised I'd taken longer than I expected and my parents would be fuming by now, so I rushed to the carpark to look for them... and they weren't where they were waiting before. I started worriedly walking around the carpark to try and find them, and I met a church auntie who said my parents were waiting for me in the next row, but before I got to the next row I saw two people who looked exactly like my parents but they were not in our car, instead in a sortof hybrid mini-van vehicle. I walked up to them but they didn't seem to see or recognise me, and made to drive off.
At this point I woke up... But the pain and distress have not yet fully left me. I know in many ways I have had a blessed, sheltered, some would say pampered life, but the pain of being a social outcast is very, very, VERY real, and nobody should ever discount that. :(
But I can't say I haven't been blessed. I've come a long way from my "social outcast" status and last year someone described me as "the life of the party". I'm not blind enough to agree with that, but I will admit that by God's immense grace I've learnt to be socially pliable in certain ways, while still maintaining the principles that got me labelled as an outcast in the first place. I've been given the opportunity to interact with a wide range of people such that I don't have to restrict my choices of friendships, and have been able to gather a good group of people in various areas of my life that I can talk to freely and pleasurably. Most importantly, throughout the years of pain I had wonderful support from my family that always, ALWAYS reminded me I was loved and valued as a person (except for my pimples, but that's another story). And through it all, I thank God for being my Rock and my Redeemer, for wiping my tears when I could no longer hold them back, for leading me to people who matter immeasurably more than I could have ever thought.
Here's to You, God, for taking a loner and making her into an extrovert over a period of 4 years with Your unfailing love. :)
Here's to you, my family, for always being there, always valuing, always encouraging (even in my failed endeavours), always praying with me and for me. :')
Here's to you, Dawny, my loving, laughing, closest friend of 10 years. :)
Here's to you, my love... for finally completing the circle of love God has put in my heart. :')
However, this post doesn't end with me... Having, as I say, a completed circle of love, I must make it my goal ever more to share this overwhelming, overflowing love I've received with others. And with my upcoming graduation, it seems the perfect time to look for a job that would allow me to do that as part of my daily activities. Don't you agree? :)
May your circle of love be complete in God. :)
Monday, April 23, 2007
YET 'Nother Dream
This one was a confusing mix between girls I knew in ACJC, and girls I knew in MGS. I only remember the bit where we were sitting in a sortof class, near the top of a lecture theatre, and the lecture hadn't started yet... and for some reason one or two of the girls were gesturing as if they were mockingly mimicking sign language and I suddenly got angry and yelled out, "Stop making fun of their sign language!" They stopped, and looked at me in a shocked and slightly "Huh?" way... But I remember being so angry I didn't care. Then as the class started to dissipate to various other venues, I remember walking down the centre aisle and this girl came up to me and asked if I was okay, and said she totally agreed with me... I was rather surprised because I never expected it of this particular girl before, since my (real-life) experience with her seems to be that she disdains me more than anything else. Anyway, as I was walking along to somewhere else, still seething but somewhat ashamed of my outburst now, another girl came up to me and said she agreed with what I said too, and asked if I remembered what she told me about she and her sister... Somehow I appeared to remember that she'd told me before she and her sister were hearing-impaired / used sign language (even though in real life both she and the girl whom I thought in the dream was her sister had perfect hearing -- and in real life the girl wasn't even her sister but her best friend!) so I said yes... and she started telling me her point of view and suddenly I was awoken by my alarm clock.
Sigh. School and dreams. Perhaps unconsciously, I'm holding onto my memories of school. Yet consciously, I know that I can no longer exist peacefully in a state of unusefulness to society...
And now the question is, how can I be useful to society?
(Undoubtedly at this point a good few of my lecturers will pop up and ask "What do you mean by 'society'?" :P)
This imagination of mine. It must either be tamed or put to daily use, so that my nights are not plagued by it. >.<
Dear Lord, please grant that "the Lion sleeps tonight..."
Sigh. School and dreams. Perhaps unconsciously, I'm holding onto my memories of school. Yet consciously, I know that I can no longer exist peacefully in a state of unusefulness to society...
And now the question is, how can I be useful to society?
(Undoubtedly at this point a good few of my lecturers will pop up and ask "What do you mean by 'society'?" :P)
This imagination of mine. It must either be tamed or put to daily use, so that my nights are not plagued by it. >.<
Dear Lord, please grant that "the Lion sleeps tonight..."
Sunday, April 22, 2007
'Nother Dream
Man, even getting dreams during naps now. Persistent dreams :S
This one again involved VCF and church people... guess you know who I miss huh? :P Well it started out with VCF folk saying they were gonna sleep overnight at the library or something, and we were in this cramped glass-enclosed room and i remember looking around and thinking "Eh, not much place to sleep eh" especially since there were some weird contraptions taking up room. I sat down at the least-threatening contraption and realised my crush was there and we started chatting and were giggling away behind the cover of the contraption. (Oops *blush* :P) Then suddenly I got paranoid that we were giggling and chatting too loud and peeped over the top of the contraption and the room had become a chalet room with a church youth lying on the floor asleep. (Later I realised there was another girl behind us, the sister of the girl whom I saw lying on the floor, but I hadn't known she was there at that point in the scene and I wasn't sure whether she had heard us either.) I sortof found myself sitting next to her and then suddenly the room was filled with more church youths and I was asking them if they were staying and the whole scene got quite chaotic for awhile. And then I was sent on some errand and there were paths of red brick lined by green bushes and there were puddles on the road and I was walking barefooted and I HONESTLY don't remember what it was all about. :P
Dreams aside, I really don't seem to be getting anymore rested despite sleeping so much. And I end up not studying as much as I wanted to... Gahhh. I want my A's!!! >.<
Terrified of 1st exam tomorrow and Human Rights paper on Wednesday. Not that I'm terribly prepared for the rest but at least they're less anxiety-inducing. Am understandably stressed but also feel rather down. Sigh. Today's QT, though, reminded me that when we feel inadequate and overwhelmed, God is near. Thank You, God :')
Be near me, Lord Jesus
I ask Thee to stay
Close by me forever
And love me, I pray
Bless all the dear children
In Thy tender care
And take us to Heaven
To live with Thee there
This one again involved VCF and church people... guess you know who I miss huh? :P Well it started out with VCF folk saying they were gonna sleep overnight at the library or something, and we were in this cramped glass-enclosed room and i remember looking around and thinking "Eh, not much place to sleep eh" especially since there were some weird contraptions taking up room. I sat down at the least-threatening contraption and realised my crush was there and we started chatting and were giggling away behind the cover of the contraption. (Oops *blush* :P) Then suddenly I got paranoid that we were giggling and chatting too loud and peeped over the top of the contraption and the room had become a chalet room with a church youth lying on the floor asleep. (Later I realised there was another girl behind us, the sister of the girl whom I saw lying on the floor, but I hadn't known she was there at that point in the scene and I wasn't sure whether she had heard us either.) I sortof found myself sitting next to her and then suddenly the room was filled with more church youths and I was asking them if they were staying and the whole scene got quite chaotic for awhile. And then I was sent on some errand and there were paths of red brick lined by green bushes and there were puddles on the road and I was walking barefooted and I HONESTLY don't remember what it was all about. :P
Dreams aside, I really don't seem to be getting anymore rested despite sleeping so much. And I end up not studying as much as I wanted to... Gahhh. I want my A's!!! >.<
Terrified of 1st exam tomorrow and Human Rights paper on Wednesday. Not that I'm terribly prepared for the rest but at least they're less anxiety-inducing. Am understandably stressed but also feel rather down. Sigh. Today's QT, though, reminded me that when we feel inadequate and overwhelmed, God is near. Thank You, God :')
Be near me, Lord Jesus
I ask Thee to stay
Close by me forever
And love me, I pray
Bless all the dear children
In Thy tender care
And take us to Heaven
To live with Thee there
Friday, April 20, 2007
Sweet Dreams :)
What IS it with dreams and exam period?? :P
Well at least it wasn't a disturbing dream (or not really, at any rate)... I don't remember much of it because I was woken up by the phone rather than waking up slowly by myself, but I do remember that it was a dream, and it was a nice one :)
I don't even remember how it started, or what happened in it... but I do remember that the church people were there, and somehow the VCF people too... and for some reason, even thought my mum has diabetes, our refrigerator was chock-ful of chocolate desserts and brownies and apple pies and desserts. :P (Did you ever hear that the way to reverse "stressed" is to have "desserts"? :P) Oh, and my crush was there too... maybe that's why it was a nice dream :$P
Still, I don't like dreams. It may be a bit ungrateful but I'm going to pray against dreams this exam period... I really need my rest :S
Well at least it wasn't a disturbing dream (or not really, at any rate)... I don't remember much of it because I was woken up by the phone rather than waking up slowly by myself, but I do remember that it was a dream, and it was a nice one :)
I don't even remember how it started, or what happened in it... but I do remember that the church people were there, and somehow the VCF people too... and for some reason, even thought my mum has diabetes, our refrigerator was chock-ful of chocolate desserts and brownies and apple pies and desserts. :P (Did you ever hear that the way to reverse "stressed" is to have "desserts"? :P) Oh, and my crush was there too... maybe that's why it was a nice dream :$P
Still, I don't like dreams. It may be a bit ungrateful but I'm going to pray against dreams this exam period... I really need my rest :S
Sunday, March 04, 2007
We Love As Christ Loved Us
I love you more than words can say
I love you, be it night or day
I love you more than death can part
I love you right here in my heart.
I love you, be it night or day
I love you more than death can part
I love you right here in my heart.
Isn't this a pretty picture of my parents? :)
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
The Little Girl And The Gem
The Father turned His loving face to the little girl, shining with warmth.
"My daughter," He said, "I've been waiting."
The little girl looked up at Him, her eyes filled with tears. Tears of fear, fear of the unknown, dread of what the future might bring. At the same time she was afraid the Father might scold her for taking the gem before He had given it to her, punish her by taking her Treasure away, the unknown Treasure everybody had been telling her about since she was born. But there were also tears of joy... tears of obedience, for she knew that this choosing to give the gem back would show her Father that she loved and respected Him and gave Him full authority in her life. She stood there, trembling, wondering what would happen next.
The Father reached out... and hugged His little girl.
Over the Father's shoulder, the little girl saw a glass cupboard that hadn't been in the room before. In it was a velvet pillow that looked like it was meant to hold... could it be...?
The little girl looked at the Father questioningly, and He nodded gently at her. Then He took her hand and slowly, step by step, they crossed the floor to the glass cupboard. He opened the little glass door and looked again at His little girl with eyes of love. The little girl knew what she had to do.
She reached out and placed the gem carefully upon the velvet pillow. Then she watched as the Father closed the little glass door. And then the Father reached down and picked the little girl up into His arms... and together they watched the gem shine in the brilliance of the Father's light.
In the following days, the little girl would come often to her Father's room to look at the gem on its velvet pillow in the glass cupboard. She came to see her Father, of course, but the gem was an added motivation that drew her daily down that corridor to her Father's presence. Sometimes she watched the Father as He gently chiselled the gem or polished it... sometimes the Father let her have a hand too. But the little girl knew how clumsy her little fingers were, not like the Father's deft and skilful ones, so more often she gave it back to the Father to shape as He saw fit. Most of the time, though, she just sat and stared at the gem... watching it sparkle in the Father's light and watching her Father through the glass cupboard as He went about His work. She thought there was nothing so beautiful as these quiet periods of watching.
There were moments of great joy for the little girl... times when the Father would allow her to open the little glass door and touch the gem on its velvet pillow. "You cannot hold it yet," said the Father, "but that is only because you are such a very little girl still. When you have grown up, you will be given more freedom with the gem. So be patient and learn well, my little girl." The Father always ended this speech with a smile... and the little girl always clung on to that smile and held its warmth in her heart for the times when she was not directly in the Father's presence.
The little glass door of the glass cupboard was not kept locked... but the little girl knew she would never be so disobedient as to take the gem without asking, even though she could easily have the opportunity to do so, because she knew that such disobedience would break her Father's heart, and she would never want to do that. She also tried to prevent herself from opening the glass door too many times, even though the Father allowed her to, in order to look at the gem or touch it... because she knew that if she did, she might be tempted to take it and run away. Sometimes she was glad for the people that the Father had set to watch over her, like the Tutor and the Guardian and the Nanny, because they knew her well and could prevent her from going too close to the gem in case she got tempted. Although she often got angry at these people, she was grateful for them afterwards because she knew that they were carrying out the Father's will and helping her to do the same.
And so life carried on for the little girl, but her days seemed more coloured now because she met up daily with her Father and the gem was always in the glass cupboard for her to peek at, even if she had no time to sit and look at it everyday. Her tasks were as arduous and tiring as before, but now she strove at them with the added motivation of growing more in the Father's eyes, in order to be worthy of the gem. She had her falls and discouragements (after all, she was only a little girl), but the Father was always watching over her... and the thought of the gem waiting for her in its little glass cupboard was always sufficient to spur her on. And so the little girl carried on with her life, passing her days with hope and prayer. :)
Don't know if you would consider this an ending yet? :) There isn't a "happily-ever-after" or anything. But I felt I had to finish the story in some way :) And not cruelly leave people hanging on the cliff-hanger :P
Next up: The Race! :P
"My daughter," He said, "I've been waiting."
The little girl looked up at Him, her eyes filled with tears. Tears of fear, fear of the unknown, dread of what the future might bring. At the same time she was afraid the Father might scold her for taking the gem before He had given it to her, punish her by taking her Treasure away, the unknown Treasure everybody had been telling her about since she was born. But there were also tears of joy... tears of obedience, for she knew that this choosing to give the gem back would show her Father that she loved and respected Him and gave Him full authority in her life. She stood there, trembling, wondering what would happen next.
The Father reached out... and hugged His little girl.
Over the Father's shoulder, the little girl saw a glass cupboard that hadn't been in the room before. In it was a velvet pillow that looked like it was meant to hold... could it be...?
The little girl looked at the Father questioningly, and He nodded gently at her. Then He took her hand and slowly, step by step, they crossed the floor to the glass cupboard. He opened the little glass door and looked again at His little girl with eyes of love. The little girl knew what she had to do.
She reached out and placed the gem carefully upon the velvet pillow. Then she watched as the Father closed the little glass door. And then the Father reached down and picked the little girl up into His arms... and together they watched the gem shine in the brilliance of the Father's light.
In the following days, the little girl would come often to her Father's room to look at the gem on its velvet pillow in the glass cupboard. She came to see her Father, of course, but the gem was an added motivation that drew her daily down that corridor to her Father's presence. Sometimes she watched the Father as He gently chiselled the gem or polished it... sometimes the Father let her have a hand too. But the little girl knew how clumsy her little fingers were, not like the Father's deft and skilful ones, so more often she gave it back to the Father to shape as He saw fit. Most of the time, though, she just sat and stared at the gem... watching it sparkle in the Father's light and watching her Father through the glass cupboard as He went about His work. She thought there was nothing so beautiful as these quiet periods of watching.
There were moments of great joy for the little girl... times when the Father would allow her to open the little glass door and touch the gem on its velvet pillow. "You cannot hold it yet," said the Father, "but that is only because you are such a very little girl still. When you have grown up, you will be given more freedom with the gem. So be patient and learn well, my little girl." The Father always ended this speech with a smile... and the little girl always clung on to that smile and held its warmth in her heart for the times when she was not directly in the Father's presence.
The little glass door of the glass cupboard was not kept locked... but the little girl knew she would never be so disobedient as to take the gem without asking, even though she could easily have the opportunity to do so, because she knew that such disobedience would break her Father's heart, and she would never want to do that. She also tried to prevent herself from opening the glass door too many times, even though the Father allowed her to, in order to look at the gem or touch it... because she knew that if she did, she might be tempted to take it and run away. Sometimes she was glad for the people that the Father had set to watch over her, like the Tutor and the Guardian and the Nanny, because they knew her well and could prevent her from going too close to the gem in case she got tempted. Although she often got angry at these people, she was grateful for them afterwards because she knew that they were carrying out the Father's will and helping her to do the same.
And so life carried on for the little girl, but her days seemed more coloured now because she met up daily with her Father and the gem was always in the glass cupboard for her to peek at, even if she had no time to sit and look at it everyday. Her tasks were as arduous and tiring as before, but now she strove at them with the added motivation of growing more in the Father's eyes, in order to be worthy of the gem. She had her falls and discouragements (after all, she was only a little girl), but the Father was always watching over her... and the thought of the gem waiting for her in its little glass cupboard was always sufficient to spur her on. And so the little girl carried on with her life, passing her days with hope and prayer. :)
Don't know if you would consider this an ending yet? :) There isn't a "happily-ever-after" or anything. But I felt I had to finish the story in some way :) And not cruelly leave people hanging on the cliff-hanger :P
Next up: The Race! :P
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Exams And Dreams Again (grahhhh!)
(Heh I originally posted this on LJ. Then I remembered my blogger was MEANT for these kinds of dreams and songs things :P)
Was contemplating not blogging about this, because I couldn't really make head or tail of it... But for some reason I feel the need to share.
Last night (or early this morning) I had a dream... it started out I have no idea how, but eventually I was talking to Ryan as we were walking around some huge mall and we agreed to buy some stuff back to CG to play the "Props" game we modified from Whose Line Is It Anyway (:P), but after we had checked out the other floors... and the floor we were on actually looked quite interesting with many things lying around (I only remember clothes, but they were brightly-coloured, and I'm surprised coz my dreams aren't often that colourful -- I think). Then we went on to the higher floor, and it was this like garden market, some weird hybrid between a wet market and a supermarket (e.g., the lettuce were all wrapped up individually like they usually are at the supermarket but this was applied to the chickens and the meat and every other type of vegetable too, and the floor was still wet :P).
I can't remember how much of the dream I spent in that place, and the only part I remember after that is about my family in a car, and some ang moh guy with us who seemed to be a family friend, but not a close one. This wasn't even the car my family usually drives, it was some dark green angular thing. Anyway, the part I remember was when we'd stopped at this petrol kiosk for some reason or other and were pumping gas and for some reason we needed to pump water as well. (Suddenly I remember playing with the water pump in an earlier part of the dream. Or was it the gas pump? Like trying to squirt stuff out of it. I can't remember but it sounds dangerous 0_o) But at first there was only a trickle of water, and then there was no water at all. And I remember praying, but it was the sort of prayer you say automatically while waiting for the water to come out, and later when I looked at the prayer it felt like I had taken God for granted and was just like, "God the water's coming soon right?". So no water came out, and the family friend was like "Hah! So much for praying" and I was distressed on that account, and was walking around anxiously praying in my heart that he would come to see God... and at this point was where my Mum was saying "You know earlier on you might have been spraying gas droplets all over us" (which was why I thought I had played with the pump earlier or something).
Well they went to pay (I remember Mum asking Dad if he had an international passport so he could pay) and I went back to the pump to look at the hose again because I couldn't believe it would run out of whatever-it-was-supposed-to-have. When I jiggled the thing two attendants (who looked like policemen, incidentally 0_o) hurried up and asked me what I was trying to do. I explained about the shortage and they said "Oh yes we're having renovations" (or something like that) and I went back to explain to my family and for some reason that relieved them. And then one of the attendant-cum-policeman reassured us, and then out of the blue said something about prayer support. So he prayed for us right there next to the car and my Mum was with my brother and my Dad was praying with his hands on the car and I was praying with my hands on my Dad's shoulders. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that this other Singaporean lady that we somehow knew (for some reason I felt she was connected with the car too, perhaps some insurance agent or car agent or something) was also praying, and I "felt" (in the dream) that she was a Christian so that was expected, but surprisingly the ang moh family friend (who had found another ang moh to chat with) put his hands on the car and prayed too. 0_o I have weird dreams.
Well, anyway immediately after we prayed, I had this feeling of trust and surety in God, as if just now my prayer was a sham, frivolous one but now it was sincere and from the heart and I KNEW God would answer it. But before I could find out whether the prayer worked (I'm not even sure now what the prayer was for! :S), I woke up. Heh cliffhanger! :P
Well when I was properly awake and everything I told myself that should serve as a reminder to pray with sincerity instead of just saying words. *Nods*
Still feel sleepy gahhh. But that is my fault entirely. My thoughts are too dangerous to be left unchecked nowadays >.< Must submit them to God. Read today's article just now about a car accident that killed a pedestrian and critically injured another, and was suddenly moved to pray for protection for a friend and for my family. Can't wait for today (and next Wednesday) to be over :S
I REALLY don't know what I'm going to do after graduation. :S
This song has been running in my head this morning. Guess I really need God's forgiving grace >.<
Purify My Heart
Teach me Your ways
O Lord, my God
And I will walk in Your truth
Give me a totally
Undivided heart
That I may fear Your name
Purify my heart
Cleanse me Lord, I pray
Remove from me
All that is
Standing in the way
Purify my heart
Cleanse me Lord, I pray
Remove from me
All that is
Standing in the way
Of Your love
For some reason, I've always had the impression that the last line of the verse was "That I may seek Your face"... Also always thought that the 3rd-5th lines of the chorus were "Remove from me all burdens standing in the way". Well, I suppose those are covered in "all that is" as well :)
Dear God, You know right now I'm too distracted to really mean this song... But as it plays on and on in my heart and head, help me to eventually mean it and give my full attention to You okay? :S
Was contemplating not blogging about this, because I couldn't really make head or tail of it... But for some reason I feel the need to share.
Last night (or early this morning) I had a dream... it started out I have no idea how, but eventually I was talking to Ryan as we were walking around some huge mall and we agreed to buy some stuff back to CG to play the "Props" game we modified from Whose Line Is It Anyway (:P), but after we had checked out the other floors... and the floor we were on actually looked quite interesting with many things lying around (I only remember clothes, but they were brightly-coloured, and I'm surprised coz my dreams aren't often that colourful -- I think). Then we went on to the higher floor, and it was this like garden market, some weird hybrid between a wet market and a supermarket (e.g., the lettuce were all wrapped up individually like they usually are at the supermarket but this was applied to the chickens and the meat and every other type of vegetable too, and the floor was still wet :P).
I can't remember how much of the dream I spent in that place, and the only part I remember after that is about my family in a car, and some ang moh guy with us who seemed to be a family friend, but not a close one. This wasn't even the car my family usually drives, it was some dark green angular thing. Anyway, the part I remember was when we'd stopped at this petrol kiosk for some reason or other and were pumping gas and for some reason we needed to pump water as well. (Suddenly I remember playing with the water pump in an earlier part of the dream. Or was it the gas pump? Like trying to squirt stuff out of it. I can't remember but it sounds dangerous 0_o) But at first there was only a trickle of water, and then there was no water at all. And I remember praying, but it was the sort of prayer you say automatically while waiting for the water to come out, and later when I looked at the prayer it felt like I had taken God for granted and was just like, "God the water's coming soon right?". So no water came out, and the family friend was like "Hah! So much for praying" and I was distressed on that account, and was walking around anxiously praying in my heart that he would come to see God... and at this point was where my Mum was saying "You know earlier on you might have been spraying gas droplets all over us" (which was why I thought I had played with the pump earlier or something).
Well they went to pay (I remember Mum asking Dad if he had an international passport so he could pay) and I went back to the pump to look at the hose again because I couldn't believe it would run out of whatever-it-was-supposed-to-have. When I jiggled the thing two attendants (who looked like policemen, incidentally 0_o) hurried up and asked me what I was trying to do. I explained about the shortage and they said "Oh yes we're having renovations" (or something like that) and I went back to explain to my family and for some reason that relieved them. And then one of the attendant-cum-policeman reassured us, and then out of the blue said something about prayer support. So he prayed for us right there next to the car and my Mum was with my brother and my Dad was praying with his hands on the car and I was praying with my hands on my Dad's shoulders. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that this other Singaporean lady that we somehow knew (for some reason I felt she was connected with the car too, perhaps some insurance agent or car agent or something) was also praying, and I "felt" (in the dream) that she was a Christian so that was expected, but surprisingly the ang moh family friend (who had found another ang moh to chat with) put his hands on the car and prayed too. 0_o I have weird dreams.
Well, anyway immediately after we prayed, I had this feeling of trust and surety in God, as if just now my prayer was a sham, frivolous one but now it was sincere and from the heart and I KNEW God would answer it. But before I could find out whether the prayer worked (I'm not even sure now what the prayer was for! :S), I woke up. Heh cliffhanger! :P
Well when I was properly awake and everything I told myself that should serve as a reminder to pray with sincerity instead of just saying words. *Nods*
Still feel sleepy gahhh. But that is my fault entirely. My thoughts are too dangerous to be left unchecked nowadays >.< Must submit them to God. Read today's article just now about a car accident that killed a pedestrian and critically injured another, and was suddenly moved to pray for protection for a friend and for my family. Can't wait for today (and next Wednesday) to be over :S
I REALLY don't know what I'm going to do after graduation. :S
This song has been running in my head this morning. Guess I really need God's forgiving grace >.<
Purify My Heart
Teach me Your ways
O Lord, my God
And I will walk in Your truth
Give me a totally
Undivided heart
That I may fear Your name
Purify my heart
Cleanse me Lord, I pray
Remove from me
All that is
Standing in the way
Purify my heart
Cleanse me Lord, I pray
Remove from me
All that is
Standing in the way
Of Your love
For some reason, I've always had the impression that the last line of the verse was "That I may seek Your face"... Also always thought that the 3rd-5th lines of the chorus were "Remove from me all burdens standing in the way". Well, I suppose those are covered in "all that is" as well :)
Dear God, You know right now I'm too distracted to really mean this song... But as it plays on and on in my heart and head, help me to eventually mean it and give my full attention to You okay? :S
Friday, November 24, 2006
My Mama Said
Perhaps sometimes I do over-react emotionally.
Mum calmed me with just a few words today.
"My little girl is grown up now, she has to make her own decisions even though Mummy don't agree, and she has to face the consequences. It's all part of growing up right? In our family, we are so used to agreeing on many things, and that is very good, but we can't agree on everything... There is disagreement, but there is still love."
Thank you Mummy. Thank You God. :)
God, You're still the One I run to, the One that I belong to. :)
Mum calmed me with just a few words today.
"My little girl is grown up now, she has to make her own decisions even though Mummy don't agree, and she has to face the consequences. It's all part of growing up right? In our family, we are so used to agreeing on many things, and that is very good, but we can't agree on everything... There is disagreement, but there is still love."
Thank you Mummy. Thank You God. :)
God, You're still the One I run to, the One that I belong to. :)
Is precious in His eyes~
Give them all, give them all
Give them all to Jesus
-One last big essay (and the attendant tedious transcribing)
-Exams which are very near (and not yet studied for)
-Parental care manifested in the form of mild spoken dispproval
I am pressed, but not crushed. Persecuted, not abandoned. God holds me in His loving hands, and he is always there for me. What more can I ask for? In the midst of my trials I still call myself blessed.
One day, I will look back at this period of time and thank God for it. I will have forgotten the pain (like most human minds do) because it is so transitory. I will remember the joy. Because it is mine to remember, because "the joy of the Lord is my strength". And I will remember it from everlasting to everlasting, when I finally behold the beloved face of my Lord. Oh, what a day to look forward to! *bliss*
And there shall be no more tears. :)
Give them all to Jesus
-One last big essay (and the attendant tedious transcribing)
-Exams which are very near (and not yet studied for)
-Parental care manifested in the form of mild spoken dispproval
I am pressed, but not crushed. Persecuted, not abandoned. God holds me in His loving hands, and he is always there for me. What more can I ask for? In the midst of my trials I still call myself blessed.
One day, I will look back at this period of time and thank God for it. I will have forgotten the pain (like most human minds do) because it is so transitory. I will remember the joy. Because it is mine to remember, because "the joy of the Lord is my strength". And I will remember it from everlasting to everlasting, when I finally behold the beloved face of my Lord. Oh, what a day to look forward to! *bliss*
And there shall be no more tears. :)
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Every Tear You Cry Is Precious In His Eyes
I know I should be transcribing now. But Daddy just tossed me the book I asked him to buy off Doulos, Elizabeth Elliot's "Passion and Purity", and I curiously decided to flip through and see what it was all about...
And I haven't been able to stop crying since. Oh it's not like a soap opera or anything like that, and I haven't even read it seriously like every word and dwelled on it, but just flipping through like I did, God jumped out of the book every few pages and touched my heart so deeply, oh so deeply, I felt He was just speaking to my very heart again and again and again. I can see there is much to think and pray about there, many answers to questions I have been asking so far... and I can't wait for exams to be over so I can really concentrate on reading it and absorbing God's replies. :) It was just being answered so very directly through the words in the book that made me cry out of gladness, out of reassurance that God really is guiding us, directly and intimately.
Thank You for these tears, Lord. Thank You for this book. Thank You for the many people whom You have "conspired" with to bring me to this book, chief among them being Ade and Daddy (thank you to you two too. :P).
Thank You for Your love, without which how could humans ever feel alive? :)
Thank You God... for showing that You care. :')
(Going to transcribe now. What interesting ways God uses to wake one's mind up :P)
And I haven't been able to stop crying since. Oh it's not like a soap opera or anything like that, and I haven't even read it seriously like every word and dwelled on it, but just flipping through like I did, God jumped out of the book every few pages and touched my heart so deeply, oh so deeply, I felt He was just speaking to my very heart again and again and again. I can see there is much to think and pray about there, many answers to questions I have been asking so far... and I can't wait for exams to be over so I can really concentrate on reading it and absorbing God's replies. :) It was just being answered so very directly through the words in the book that made me cry out of gladness, out of reassurance that God really is guiding us, directly and intimately.
Thank You for these tears, Lord. Thank You for this book. Thank You for the many people whom You have "conspired" with to bring me to this book, chief among them being Ade and Daddy (thank you to you two too. :P).
Thank You for Your love, without which how could humans ever feel alive? :)
Thank You God... for showing that You care. :')
(Going to transcribe now. What interesting ways God uses to wake one's mind up :P)
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Lunch Post :P
Okay I can't let the QT postings pile up too long, else I'll get a list as long as the uncapitalised one below :P
Sunday's QT:
Okay I shan't cheat by pretending I read the Bible passage, because I didn't :S Well it WAS a Sunday, after all, which generally means a surfeit of Bible passages/verses. Hee. (Will put up sermon insights... sometime. :P) But here's a verse from the passage that DID catch me now I read it.
Philippians 2:14 Do all things without murmuring and disputing,
(And I was like "Oops! Sorry God for all my complaining about schoolwork :S")
The sharing story was about how some church member praised the church caretaker for his faithful job of keeping the church sparkling clean, and the caretaker replied: "I love my work. And when I go to heaven, I hope to have a job just like this." The church member was stunned at his reaction (and so was I! :S) and went on to ponder: "It was a tedious job that didn't pay a lot. Yet he was cleaning with the joy of the Lord in his heart, saying he hoped to have 'a job just like this' in heaven. ...Could I take a menial job and find joy in serving?"
And that question has struck me too. Could I?
That reminds me of my mum and how she faithfully does all the housework, ALL, without complaining. And of how I really should be starting to help her out much more than washing dishes twice a week. :S
Monday's QT:
Psalm 109:26-27 Help me, O Lord my God! Oh, save me according to Your mercy, that they may know that this is Your hand-- that You, Lord, have done it! (I assume "done it" here means "saved me" :P)
Psalm 109:29 Let my accusers be clothed with shame, and let them cover themselves with their own disgrace as with a mantle. (I bring this up because it reminds me of the point in the sermon about "putting on" various virtues like pieces of clothing -- this seems to be the same though pointing in the other direction :P)
Psalm 109:30 I will greatly praise the Lord with my mouth; yes, I will praise Him among the multitude. (This is an answer to anybody who ever asks me whether I feel I am shoving my faith in the face of people too much by talking about Christian/church stuff, or blogging about God all the time. If my God is so great, can He be hidden in the private recesses of one's life? Should He not be proclaimed all the time, in every way? I will not insist that you believe in Him right now, but neither will I accept it if you tell me to stop talking about Him. I can't. "Can't stop talking 'bout everything He's done / He's the best thing happened since the world begun" :D)
Today's QT!
I am continually amused by how God uses my Bible's lack of the book of Luke to point me to interesting things nonetheless. Everything I've had to refer to Luke for has been a story, and seeing as I'm using the New Living Translation for these Luke excursions it seems particularly apt :P
Luke 9:10-17
It's the story of Jesus feeding the... well it doesn't say here how many. But a huge multitude of people fed with just 5 loaves and 2 fish, and with 12 baskets left over too. This really reminded me of something I read on Ade's blog just a day or so ago:
(Again, from Elizabeth Elliot's "Passion and Purity" :P)
One morning I was reading the story of Jesus' feeding of the five thousand. The disciples could find only five loaves of bread and two fishes. "Let me have them," said Jesus. He asked for all. He took them, said the blessing, and broke them before He gave them out. I remembered what a chapel speaker, Ruth Stull from Peru, had said: "If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."
Been thinking about that part I bolded, and wondering if God was trying to speak to me through it. I did blog about something like that before, about sharing love with people who need it and don't get it (like the socially ostracised) rather than reserving it for that One Special Person because so many more people are blessed that way. But as I thought and prayed and tried to imagine it in my mind's eye, I remembered that it's not a win-lose situation. It's not that the little lad whose lunch was taken to feed the crowd had to forego his lunch in order that the crowd be fed. Jesus asked for food, the lad offered his lunch, Jesus asked the Father's blessing and broke it in pieces and gave it out, and the lad was one of the 5000 who was fed to the full. In other words, as I see it, it's not that you have to deny yourself of something forever in order that others be filled, but that you give it over to God to handle, and He multiplies it by His grace such that not only others are filled, but you are too. His grace is sufficient... for everybody, including yourself.
And I think... if I (in the guise of lunch :P) hadn't been given to a little lad, I might have only been serving my own family of fishermen, perhaps an entire village of friends and acquaintances, and some strangers passing through. The wise Mother up there (God is both our Mother and our Father, if Henri Nouwen is to be believed :D) gave me to a little lad, and if he had kept me to himself, I might only have fed a few more of his buddies, maybe another family and village if he was generous (my metaphor's getting fuzzy here). But this little lad placed me in God's hands, and now Jesus can use me to feed a multitude of family, friends, strangers beyond count, and people who may not yet even be in the world... none of which could have happened if I had remained lunch at home, and not been given to the little lad.
Does that sound crazy? :D I admit I might have overstretched the metaphor. But it was a sudden inspiration upon reading the story. :P
Oh another thing that struck me about the passage was that Jesus asked God's blessing on the food. Was thinking about how my family says Grace before meals and the focus seems to be slightly different... We often thank God for the food. Dad will say "please help it to bless our bodies" and we do follow him sometimes, but it doesn't crop up as often as "thank You for the food on the table and mummy for cooking it". I wonder if it's time to pay a bit more attention to the blessing part, particularly as my parents begin to age gracefully? :P
The QT sharing did touch me too though, it was about a bunch of teens who used the church lawn for hanging out and were unpopular among church members because of their habit of leaving litter on the lawn. One day a church member spoke to them kindly instead of scolding and invited them to join the church youth for pizza and games. The church youth followed up the invitation and some of them did join in eventually. the sharing ended with "Inviting those outside the church to come in -- isn't that what being the Lord's people is all about?" And I quite agree! :) Now if only I could muster up the courage to put that into practice... (Thinking of a certain S. Not the little girl I talked about before. Wondering and praying. Draw her to You, dear Lord.)
Other sentences from the sharing that drive home the point :P
"Lord, help us to welcome those who are not wanted, those who are displaced, those who don't quite fit in. May we reach out to offer friendship and spiritual nourishment and draw people into Your house. Amen."
"Most people need an invitation to get them to come to church."
A song I've always quite liked (reminded of it also through Ade's blog :P)
As bread that is broken, use our lives
As wine that is poured out, a willing sacrifice
Empower us Father, to share the love of Christ
As bread that is broken, Lord, use our lives
Sunday's QT:
Okay I shan't cheat by pretending I read the Bible passage, because I didn't :S Well it WAS a Sunday, after all, which generally means a surfeit of Bible passages/verses. Hee. (Will put up sermon insights... sometime. :P) But here's a verse from the passage that DID catch me now I read it.
Philippians 2:14 Do all things without murmuring and disputing,
(And I was like "Oops! Sorry God for all my complaining about schoolwork :S")
The sharing story was about how some church member praised the church caretaker for his faithful job of keeping the church sparkling clean, and the caretaker replied: "I love my work. And when I go to heaven, I hope to have a job just like this." The church member was stunned at his reaction (and so was I! :S) and went on to ponder: "It was a tedious job that didn't pay a lot. Yet he was cleaning with the joy of the Lord in his heart, saying he hoped to have 'a job just like this' in heaven. ...Could I take a menial job and find joy in serving?"
And that question has struck me too. Could I?
That reminds me of my mum and how she faithfully does all the housework, ALL, without complaining. And of how I really should be starting to help her out much more than washing dishes twice a week. :S
Monday's QT:
Psalm 109:26-27 Help me, O Lord my God! Oh, save me according to Your mercy, that they may know that this is Your hand-- that You, Lord, have done it! (I assume "done it" here means "saved me" :P)
Psalm 109:29 Let my accusers be clothed with shame, and let them cover themselves with their own disgrace as with a mantle. (I bring this up because it reminds me of the point in the sermon about "putting on" various virtues like pieces of clothing -- this seems to be the same though pointing in the other direction :P)
Psalm 109:30 I will greatly praise the Lord with my mouth; yes, I will praise Him among the multitude. (This is an answer to anybody who ever asks me whether I feel I am shoving my faith in the face of people too much by talking about Christian/church stuff, or blogging about God all the time. If my God is so great, can He be hidden in the private recesses of one's life? Should He not be proclaimed all the time, in every way? I will not insist that you believe in Him right now, but neither will I accept it if you tell me to stop talking about Him. I can't. "Can't stop talking 'bout everything He's done / He's the best thing happened since the world begun" :D)
Today's QT!
I am continually amused by how God uses my Bible's lack of the book of Luke to point me to interesting things nonetheless. Everything I've had to refer to Luke for has been a story, and seeing as I'm using the New Living Translation for these Luke excursions it seems particularly apt :P
Luke 9:10-17
It's the story of Jesus feeding the... well it doesn't say here how many. But a huge multitude of people fed with just 5 loaves and 2 fish, and with 12 baskets left over too. This really reminded me of something I read on Ade's blog just a day or so ago:
(Again, from Elizabeth Elliot's "Passion and Purity" :P)
One morning I was reading the story of Jesus' feeding of the five thousand. The disciples could find only five loaves of bread and two fishes. "Let me have them," said Jesus. He asked for all. He took them, said the blessing, and broke them before He gave them out. I remembered what a chapel speaker, Ruth Stull from Peru, had said: "If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."
Been thinking about that part I bolded, and wondering if God was trying to speak to me through it. I did blog about something like that before, about sharing love with people who need it and don't get it (like the socially ostracised) rather than reserving it for that One Special Person because so many more people are blessed that way. But as I thought and prayed and tried to imagine it in my mind's eye, I remembered that it's not a win-lose situation. It's not that the little lad whose lunch was taken to feed the crowd had to forego his lunch in order that the crowd be fed. Jesus asked for food, the lad offered his lunch, Jesus asked the Father's blessing and broke it in pieces and gave it out, and the lad was one of the 5000 who was fed to the full. In other words, as I see it, it's not that you have to deny yourself of something forever in order that others be filled, but that you give it over to God to handle, and He multiplies it by His grace such that not only others are filled, but you are too. His grace is sufficient... for everybody, including yourself.
And I think... if I (in the guise of lunch :P) hadn't been given to a little lad, I might have only been serving my own family of fishermen, perhaps an entire village of friends and acquaintances, and some strangers passing through. The wise Mother up there (God is both our Mother and our Father, if Henri Nouwen is to be believed :D) gave me to a little lad, and if he had kept me to himself, I might only have fed a few more of his buddies, maybe another family and village if he was generous (my metaphor's getting fuzzy here). But this little lad placed me in God's hands, and now Jesus can use me to feed a multitude of family, friends, strangers beyond count, and people who may not yet even be in the world... none of which could have happened if I had remained lunch at home, and not been given to the little lad.
Does that sound crazy? :D I admit I might have overstretched the metaphor. But it was a sudden inspiration upon reading the story. :P
Oh another thing that struck me about the passage was that Jesus asked God's blessing on the food. Was thinking about how my family says Grace before meals and the focus seems to be slightly different... We often thank God for the food. Dad will say "please help it to bless our bodies" and we do follow him sometimes, but it doesn't crop up as often as "thank You for the food on the table and mummy for cooking it". I wonder if it's time to pay a bit more attention to the blessing part, particularly as my parents begin to age gracefully? :P
The QT sharing did touch me too though, it was about a bunch of teens who used the church lawn for hanging out and were unpopular among church members because of their habit of leaving litter on the lawn. One day a church member spoke to them kindly instead of scolding and invited them to join the church youth for pizza and games. The church youth followed up the invitation and some of them did join in eventually. the sharing ended with "Inviting those outside the church to come in -- isn't that what being the Lord's people is all about?" And I quite agree! :) Now if only I could muster up the courage to put that into practice... (Thinking of a certain S. Not the little girl I talked about before. Wondering and praying. Draw her to You, dear Lord.)
Other sentences from the sharing that drive home the point :P
"Lord, help us to welcome those who are not wanted, those who are displaced, those who don't quite fit in. May we reach out to offer friendship and spiritual nourishment and draw people into Your house. Amen."
"Most people need an invitation to get them to come to church."
A song I've always quite liked (reminded of it also through Ade's blog :P)
As bread that is broken, use our lives
As wine that is poured out, a willing sacrifice
Empower us Father, to share the love of Christ
As bread that is broken, Lord, use our lives
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Sing, Sing A Song
Or two :) I was supposed to post a story but I'll do it tomorrow, I think. Supposed to be working on my assignment now but feel type-y. :P As this will be a songpost first and foremost, other non-song insights may be subsumed... or maybe I shall just type them later when I feel like it. :P ("It's My Blog")
Yesterday I was thinking about some Mandarin Christian songs for a friend's mum. This morning my dad was whistling one of them. I *break out into huge grin* :D
shen ming you xian
shi guang ye hui zhou
ru guo ni bu zhen xi
ji hui nan liu
li wu sui ran hao
ru guo ni bu yao
ni ze me neng gou de dao
ze me neng de dao
(Pardon my horrible hanyu pinyin. It sounds a lot better than it looks here, honestly. :P)
Last night I posted about "My peace I give unto you". This afternoon at Contemporary Worship we sang it. 0_o Isn't God cool :D
Also during Contemporary Worship, we sang Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace. I was sortof adding that into my prayer yesterday, so it was a nice surprise :)
Make me a channel of Your peace
Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love
Where there is injury, Your pardon, Lord
And where there's doubt, true faith in You.
Make me a channel of Your peace
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there's sadness, ever joy.
O Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul.
Make me a channel of Your peace
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
In giving of ourselves that we receive
And in dying that we're born to eternal life.
And we also sang Still. It's a beautiful song at any time (it's one of my favourite "cry to the Lord" songs :P) but I was looking at the lyrics and re-appreciating them in the context of my flood of stress and emotions this past week, and how God has shown time and time again (at least 5 times this week, I am certain :P) that He has control over everything, EVERYTHING, even things I think are nearly impossible. And this one line struck me: "I will be still / Know You are God". I think partly this struck me because I was telling a dear friend yesterday that I think when I get to God's throne I will just have started to comprehend God's awesome goodness and glory, and this comprehension will probably take forever to fully finish dawning so I might just be standing there gazing at God in awe forever. :P Well, nobody can predict what we'll really do when we get there. But to me these two lines of lyrics just express the spirit of that image so well. Also, they're good reminders that I haven't exactly been very still the past week. A bit hard to do so in the harried pace of life, at least here in Singapore! But well, as said in the sermon today, "Hurry is the key enemy of tenderness" and I think so too. :)
Anyway since I'm talking so much about yesterday I might as well blog about it too. :P Ever since yesterday's worship practice I've been loving Shepherd Of My Soul.
Shepherd of my soul
I give You full control
Wherever You may lead
I will follow
I have made the choice
To listen for Your voice
Wherever You may lead
I will go
Be it in a quiet pasture
Or by a gentle stream
The Shepherd of my soul
Is by my side
Though I face a mighty mountain
Or a valley dark and deep
The Shepherd of my soul
Will be my guide
For Offertory, we sang one of my favourite ever songs (Adrian knows this one :P), This World Is Not My Home. I used to like it coz of its expressed desire for Heaven and it's the kind of song that catches the kid in me, but when I actually went to go find and memorise the other verses I realised just how very meaningful it is.
This world is not my home
I'm just a-passin' through
My treasures are laid up
Somewhere beyond the blue
The angels beckon me
From Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore
Chorus:
O Lord, You know
I have no friend like You
If Heaven's not my home
Then Lord what would I do
The Saviour beckons me
From Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore
They're all expecting me
And that's one thing I know
My Saviour pardoned me
And now I onward go
I know He'll take me through
Though I am weak and poor
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore
There's a third verse but nevermind. :P Also maybe one of the reasons I was reminded of S yesterday was that I taught her to sing Did You Ever Talk To God Above so that she wouldn't be lonely because she would have God as her Friend... And I saw how much she clung and clung to that song on the last day.
Did you ever talk to God above
Tell Him that you need a friend to love
Pray in Jesus' name believing that
God answers prayer
Have you told Him all your cares and woes
Every tiny little fear He knows
You can know He'll always hear
And He will answer prayer
You can whisper in a crowd to Him
You can cry when you're alone, to Him
You don't have to pray out loud to Him
He knows your thoughts
On a lofty mountain peak, He's there
In a meadow by a stream, He's there
Anywhere on earth You go
He's been there from the start
Find the answer in His word, it's true
You'll be strong because He walks with you
By His faithfulness He'll change you, too
God answers prayer.
I truly believe that my childhood and upbringing has had a great impact in founding my life on the Solid Rock of Christ Jesus :) I may seem childish at times but it is returning again and again to these simple songs -- simple in the sense that they are not complicated, easy to sing and to cling to, and simple in their expression of faith and great truth -- that I find my faith is made ever-stronger through trials. "With faith Like A Child", anyone? :P
To end this really long songpost (:P), I think I'll put up the lyrics of He Never Sleeps by Don Moen. I first heard this song at FOP this year (the more worshipful second half that I liked :P) and I bought the Hiding Place CD hoping it would have it, and also because I fell in love with the title song. I can't remember now whether the CD had this song, because I can't find the CD. *sad* And one day I want to go and get his Thank You Lord CD too. I am really inspired by Don Moen's example as a songwriter and worship leader, really. But anyways yeah I mention this song because I heard it on the way home in a friend's car today, and found that it speaks to me in the way that I was looking for when I said I wanted a song about how "God is faithful, even when I am faithless". :)
When you've prayed every prayer that you know how to pray
Just remember the Lord will hear and the answer is on it's way
Our God is able
He is mighty
He is faithful
And He never sleeps, He never slumbers
He never tires of hearing our prayer
When we are weak He becomes stronger
So rest in His love
And cast all of your cares
On Him
Do you feel that the Lord has forgotten your need
Just remember that God is always working in ways you cannot see
Another reason why I really like this song is that it has a really nice piano intro. :)
Yesterday I was thinking about some Mandarin Christian songs for a friend's mum. This morning my dad was whistling one of them. I *break out into huge grin* :D
shen ming you xian
shi guang ye hui zhou
ru guo ni bu zhen xi
ji hui nan liu
li wu sui ran hao
ru guo ni bu yao
ni ze me neng gou de dao
ze me neng de dao
(Pardon my horrible hanyu pinyin. It sounds a lot better than it looks here, honestly. :P)
Last night I posted about "My peace I give unto you". This afternoon at Contemporary Worship we sang it. 0_o Isn't God cool :D
Also during Contemporary Worship, we sang Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace. I was sortof adding that into my prayer yesterday, so it was a nice surprise :)
Make me a channel of Your peace
Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love
Where there is injury, Your pardon, Lord
And where there's doubt, true faith in You.
Make me a channel of Your peace
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there's sadness, ever joy.
O Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul.
Make me a channel of Your peace
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
In giving of ourselves that we receive
And in dying that we're born to eternal life.
And we also sang Still. It's a beautiful song at any time (it's one of my favourite "cry to the Lord" songs :P) but I was looking at the lyrics and re-appreciating them in the context of my flood of stress and emotions this past week, and how God has shown time and time again (at least 5 times this week, I am certain :P) that He has control over everything, EVERYTHING, even things I think are nearly impossible. And this one line struck me: "I will be still / Know You are God". I think partly this struck me because I was telling a dear friend yesterday that I think when I get to God's throne I will just have started to comprehend God's awesome goodness and glory, and this comprehension will probably take forever to fully finish dawning so I might just be standing there gazing at God in awe forever. :P Well, nobody can predict what we'll really do when we get there. But to me these two lines of lyrics just express the spirit of that image so well. Also, they're good reminders that I haven't exactly been very still the past week. A bit hard to do so in the harried pace of life, at least here in Singapore! But well, as said in the sermon today, "Hurry is the key enemy of tenderness" and I think so too. :)
Anyway since I'm talking so much about yesterday I might as well blog about it too. :P Ever since yesterday's worship practice I've been loving Shepherd Of My Soul.
Shepherd of my soul
I give You full control
Wherever You may lead
I will follow
I have made the choice
To listen for Your voice
Wherever You may lead
I will go
Be it in a quiet pasture
Or by a gentle stream
The Shepherd of my soul
Is by my side
Though I face a mighty mountain
Or a valley dark and deep
The Shepherd of my soul
Will be my guide
For Offertory, we sang one of my favourite ever songs (Adrian knows this one :P), This World Is Not My Home. I used to like it coz of its expressed desire for Heaven and it's the kind of song that catches the kid in me, but when I actually went to go find and memorise the other verses I realised just how very meaningful it is.
This world is not my home
I'm just a-passin' through
My treasures are laid up
Somewhere beyond the blue
The angels beckon me
From Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore
Chorus:
O Lord, You know
I have no friend like You
If Heaven's not my home
Then Lord what would I do
The Saviour beckons me
From Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore
They're all expecting me
And that's one thing I know
My Saviour pardoned me
And now I onward go
I know He'll take me through
Though I am weak and poor
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore
There's a third verse but nevermind. :P Also maybe one of the reasons I was reminded of S yesterday was that I taught her to sing Did You Ever Talk To God Above so that she wouldn't be lonely because she would have God as her Friend... And I saw how much she clung and clung to that song on the last day.
Did you ever talk to God above
Tell Him that you need a friend to love
Pray in Jesus' name believing that
God answers prayer
Have you told Him all your cares and woes
Every tiny little fear He knows
You can know He'll always hear
And He will answer prayer
You can whisper in a crowd to Him
You can cry when you're alone, to Him
You don't have to pray out loud to Him
He knows your thoughts
On a lofty mountain peak, He's there
In a meadow by a stream, He's there
Anywhere on earth You go
He's been there from the start
Find the answer in His word, it's true
You'll be strong because He walks with you
By His faithfulness He'll change you, too
God answers prayer.
I truly believe that my childhood and upbringing has had a great impact in founding my life on the Solid Rock of Christ Jesus :) I may seem childish at times but it is returning again and again to these simple songs -- simple in the sense that they are not complicated, easy to sing and to cling to, and simple in their expression of faith and great truth -- that I find my faith is made ever-stronger through trials. "With faith Like A Child", anyone? :P
To end this really long songpost (:P), I think I'll put up the lyrics of He Never Sleeps by Don Moen. I first heard this song at FOP this year (the more worshipful second half that I liked :P) and I bought the Hiding Place CD hoping it would have it, and also because I fell in love with the title song. I can't remember now whether the CD had this song, because I can't find the CD. *sad* And one day I want to go and get his Thank You Lord CD too. I am really inspired by Don Moen's example as a songwriter and worship leader, really. But anyways yeah I mention this song because I heard it on the way home in a friend's car today, and found that it speaks to me in the way that I was looking for when I said I wanted a song about how "God is faithful, even when I am faithless". :)
When you've prayed every prayer that you know how to pray
Just remember the Lord will hear and the answer is on it's way
Our God is able
He is mighty
He is faithful
And He never sleeps, He never slumbers
He never tires of hearing our prayer
When we are weak He becomes stronger
So rest in His love
And cast all of your cares
On Him
Do you feel that the Lord has forgotten your need
Just remember that God is always working in ways you cannot see
Another reason why I really like this song is that it has a really nice piano intro. :)
How Will The Story End?
It's been awhile since I wrote that story :) And I thought I should update.
The thing is that there really isn't an end to the story... yet. The ending's different for everyone. And I really don't mean that in a postmodernist "it's all up to individual opinion" kinda thing, nor is it meant to be an artsy "it's in your hands, you finish the script however you want, art for the masses!" type of thing. It doesn't have an end because the story has not ended. It is still going on, and it will still be going on until something happens to the little girl that can be written into the story. But in the meantime it's still a long corridor she's walking down (I did mention it was a long corridor right?) and she still has to wait for her Father's answer and frankly, I don't think the answer is all that necessary right now.
Heh that seems quite different from the tone of urgency in the story right? Well I think God has been speaking to me through various people these past few days... and I think I'm getting a sense of what it means to just trust and let go. To not think too much and trust in God that He will continue to guide us in everything we do. It's a new concept I'm trying to get my head around because for the first time I see that "maybe you don't Need To Know in order to live it out" but I know it's possible because I see that someone can have peace even under such circumstances. And oh, such peace!
My peace I give unto you
It's a peace that the world cannot give
It's a peace that the world cannot understand
Peace to know, peace to live
My peace I give unto you
I remember singing that to the kid I counselled back in last year's camp... I was trying to sing her to sleep. And she really did calm down and fall asleep! I've been reminded of her these past few days, I think I shall pray for her. I always remember that last night when she clung to me and I was told by the helper to leave her (they were practising the painful but necessary step of gradual distancing) and I just went to the counsellors' room and curled up and cried. I think I was the only one who cried and I think I shocked all of them. But I really did love her like the little sister I never had... And I should continue to pray for her more regularly as the sister-in-Christ that I shall probably never see again in my lifetime, until we meet before God's throne. Sweet little S... I hope you grow into a strong and lovely woman of God. :)
Oh yeah so anyway as I was saying... Maybe it's a story that doesn't need to be finished quite so soon. But that's only my feeling about it :) For many other little girls out there, their feelings and the Father's answer to them can be very very different. And the only way to know how the story ends... is to go back to the Author and Finisher of our faith (and our stories :P). :)
Another story waiting in the wings though :) To be written when I'm not so stressed about assignments >.< But I will not be over-stressed, because God is good, all the time. :)
I couldn't think of a song about God being faithful even while we are faithless... so maybe I will write one someday, God willing. :)
The thing is that there really isn't an end to the story... yet. The ending's different for everyone. And I really don't mean that in a postmodernist "it's all up to individual opinion" kinda thing, nor is it meant to be an artsy "it's in your hands, you finish the script however you want, art for the masses!" type of thing. It doesn't have an end because the story has not ended. It is still going on, and it will still be going on until something happens to the little girl that can be written into the story. But in the meantime it's still a long corridor she's walking down (I did mention it was a long corridor right?) and she still has to wait for her Father's answer and frankly, I don't think the answer is all that necessary right now.
Heh that seems quite different from the tone of urgency in the story right? Well I think God has been speaking to me through various people these past few days... and I think I'm getting a sense of what it means to just trust and let go. To not think too much and trust in God that He will continue to guide us in everything we do. It's a new concept I'm trying to get my head around because for the first time I see that "maybe you don't Need To Know in order to live it out" but I know it's possible because I see that someone can have peace even under such circumstances. And oh, such peace!
My peace I give unto you
It's a peace that the world cannot give
It's a peace that the world cannot understand
Peace to know, peace to live
My peace I give unto you
I remember singing that to the kid I counselled back in last year's camp... I was trying to sing her to sleep. And she really did calm down and fall asleep! I've been reminded of her these past few days, I think I shall pray for her. I always remember that last night when she clung to me and I was told by the helper to leave her (they were practising the painful but necessary step of gradual distancing) and I just went to the counsellors' room and curled up and cried. I think I was the only one who cried and I think I shocked all of them. But I really did love her like the little sister I never had... And I should continue to pray for her more regularly as the sister-in-Christ that I shall probably never see again in my lifetime, until we meet before God's throne. Sweet little S... I hope you grow into a strong and lovely woman of God. :)
Oh yeah so anyway as I was saying... Maybe it's a story that doesn't need to be finished quite so soon. But that's only my feeling about it :) For many other little girls out there, their feelings and the Father's answer to them can be very very different. And the only way to know how the story ends... is to go back to the Author and Finisher of our faith (and our stories :P). :)
Another story waiting in the wings though :) To be written when I'm not so stressed about assignments >.< But I will not be over-stressed, because God is good, all the time. :)
I couldn't think of a song about God being faithful even while we are faithless... so maybe I will write one someday, God willing. :)
Monday, November 13, 2006
God Will Make A Way
Can I share a story?
Once upon a time, there was a Father. This Father owned lots and lots of land and property and had a thriving business. He had a little girl whom He loved very dearly and He would make time for her anytime she wanted, but He also knew that she would be overwhelmed by His power and the honour that others gave to Him if He were to keep her by His side all the time.
So He designated a pretty little cottage in a peaceful sunny field for her to live in, and would come and visit her from time to time. The Father appointed many people to help take care of His little girl; a Nanny and a Guardian and a Tutor and many, many other people who helped to keep the world of the little girl warm and sunshiny. The little girl had everything she needed and sometimes was even given a little more sweets than were strictly necessary, because the Father loved her so much and wanted her to be happy.
Ever since this little girl could remember, all the people around her told her of a Treasure the Father was reserving for her. It was told to her when her hair was being brushed; it was sung to her as she swung on swings in the sunshine; it was whispered to her as a lullaby before she fell asleep at night. Nobody knew what this Treasure was, only they knew it would be given to her in due time, and that it was absolutely certain that it would be given to her one day. But this made the little girl wonder and wonder about it as she ran about day by day, and the leaves on the trees in the little wood nearby whispered many things to her as she played next to it. None of these leaf-whisperings were true, but the impatient little girl clung onto them because she wanted so much to know what it was.
Now everyday the Father would want to come and be with His little girl, but being only a very young and restless little girl, she would often forget to meet Him, or despise her homework and run away to play and forget about meeting Him, or only stay a few minutes before she would get fidgety and run out of the room. But when she did remember, she would love that time spent with her Father, because He was loving and firm and helped her to grow just that little bit bigger than she was before. Yet the fickle little girl often forgot this wonderful time spent with her Father and ran about her own business, avoiding her homework as much as she could even though she knew it was good for her.
One day, the little girl came across a room on which there was a sign saying "Do Not Look", but being an incurably curious as well as disobedient little girl, she pushed open the door a little way and peeked in. There she saw her Father against a bright light, and He was standing in front of a velvet box labelled "For My little girl" which was wide open. In one hand He held a sparkling gem, and the brilliance of that gem caught the little girl's breath and took it right away. It was so beautiful, that gem, and the little girl wanted it very, very badly. She tried to pull herself away from the door because she knew she should not have been so sneaky, but her eyes had been caught by the sparkling gem and by her own will she could not turn away. She tried to go no further than the door, but the more she stood there the less she could control her feet. All the while the Father stood there gazing lovingly at the gem in His hand.
Suddenly, the little girl could take it no more. She dashed forward and grabbed the gem from the Father's hand, and without waiting for Him to say a word, she ran away to her hidey-hole to hold the gem up to her face and look at it closely. Away from the Father's light, the gem shone less brilliantly, but it was no less beautiful and the little girl admired it very much. Maybe, she thought, this was the Treasure! It was very, very precious to her and from that day on she vowed not to let it out of her possession.
The Nanny and the Guardian and the Tutor and all the other people who heard about what the little girl had done came to try and persuade her to return the gem, but she refused. After all, hadn't the Father meant to give it to her? She was sure He had taken it out of that box and it was going to be for her, so why shouldn't she have it? Besides, the Father never told her to give it back, not even when she met up with Him in the days afterward. So no matter how much they scolded her and tried to punish her, she believed that the Father meant for her to have it and she held onto it tightly because it was the first thing that had meant so much to her. It was her Treasure, after all! What right did they have to take it away from her? Besides its great beauty, it held the Father's love for her, and so it was very very precious to her.
But gradually she began to remember the sign on the door, and that she had disobeyed it. She also realised that she had vaguely seen other boxes around, that might not have had her name on them. Couldn't the Father have meant this gem for someone else? And might she be stealing this gem from someone else? The little girl was torn, because the gem was so precious to her but at the same time she could see how precious it would be to someone else. It would be terribly unfair of her to keep it away from that someone else.
Slowly the little girl remembered other details of the scene. She remembered that as she dashed forward to grab the gem, she had seen in the Father's other hand a chisel, held as if it was about to keep shaping the gem. She looked at the gem and thought that it looked beautiful as it was, but she knew that the Father's taste was much better than hers and if He was going to continue shaping the gem, it would turn out more beautiful than before, perhaps the most beautiful gem in the world. By taking it away, she might have interrupted the Father's work! How could she, a mere little girl, do that to her almighty and ever-loving Father?
At this thought, the little girl could stand it no more. She took the precious sparkling gem from her hiding place, and made a decision that she would return it to her Father. The decision was very painful because the gem was so very precious to her and it had made her so happy for a few precious days. But she knew that she would have no peace until she knew what the Father wanted to do with the gem.
And so she went, step after painful step, down the hallway to the room where she knew her Father would always meet her, no matter what time of the day it was. "When I get before my Father," she thought, "I will open my palms and hold the gem up to Him and tell Him that I am sorry I snatched it from Him that day. Maybe He will tell me this gem is not for me and take it away, and that He has something else for me that is the true Treasure I am supposed to have. I will be very sad, but I will know that I am doing what my Father pleases. Maybe He will tell me that it's okay and that He meant for me to have the gem soon anyway so I can keep the gem now. I will be very happy, and I will be happy that I am doing what my Father wants. Maybe He will tell me that yes, this is the Treasure for me, but because He is not done chiselling it yet, He will take the gem back for now and I will have to be patient and wait until He is done with it. But whatever He does, I have to remember that this gem belongs to my Father and it is only mine if He makes a gift of it to me. And I must not allow my fingers to tighten around the gem if He is going to take it away. I must give it up to Him entirely, because He knows what is best for me."
And so the little girl goes, step by painful step, down that long hallway to the room where she is to meet her Dad. And she prays, fervently, for the strength to open her fingers one by one in order to offer the gem fully and willingly to her Father and say to Him, "Not my will, but Yours be done."
Ok I stopped writing the story there :) Haven't decided how to end it. Somehow, "gem" reminds me of To Kill A Mockingbird, and I laugh at the thought of Precious Jem. Teehee! :P
Can I share a song?
God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways
We cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way
God will make a way. I only have to Trust and Obey. :)
Precious Jem... remember you are beautiful to God. And to me.
Once upon a time, there was a Father. This Father owned lots and lots of land and property and had a thriving business. He had a little girl whom He loved very dearly and He would make time for her anytime she wanted, but He also knew that she would be overwhelmed by His power and the honour that others gave to Him if He were to keep her by His side all the time.
So He designated a pretty little cottage in a peaceful sunny field for her to live in, and would come and visit her from time to time. The Father appointed many people to help take care of His little girl; a Nanny and a Guardian and a Tutor and many, many other people who helped to keep the world of the little girl warm and sunshiny. The little girl had everything she needed and sometimes was even given a little more sweets than were strictly necessary, because the Father loved her so much and wanted her to be happy.
Ever since this little girl could remember, all the people around her told her of a Treasure the Father was reserving for her. It was told to her when her hair was being brushed; it was sung to her as she swung on swings in the sunshine; it was whispered to her as a lullaby before she fell asleep at night. Nobody knew what this Treasure was, only they knew it would be given to her in due time, and that it was absolutely certain that it would be given to her one day. But this made the little girl wonder and wonder about it as she ran about day by day, and the leaves on the trees in the little wood nearby whispered many things to her as she played next to it. None of these leaf-whisperings were true, but the impatient little girl clung onto them because she wanted so much to know what it was.
Now everyday the Father would want to come and be with His little girl, but being only a very young and restless little girl, she would often forget to meet Him, or despise her homework and run away to play and forget about meeting Him, or only stay a few minutes before she would get fidgety and run out of the room. But when she did remember, she would love that time spent with her Father, because He was loving and firm and helped her to grow just that little bit bigger than she was before. Yet the fickle little girl often forgot this wonderful time spent with her Father and ran about her own business, avoiding her homework as much as she could even though she knew it was good for her.
One day, the little girl came across a room on which there was a sign saying "Do Not Look", but being an incurably curious as well as disobedient little girl, she pushed open the door a little way and peeked in. There she saw her Father against a bright light, and He was standing in front of a velvet box labelled "For My little girl" which was wide open. In one hand He held a sparkling gem, and the brilliance of that gem caught the little girl's breath and took it right away. It was so beautiful, that gem, and the little girl wanted it very, very badly. She tried to pull herself away from the door because she knew she should not have been so sneaky, but her eyes had been caught by the sparkling gem and by her own will she could not turn away. She tried to go no further than the door, but the more she stood there the less she could control her feet. All the while the Father stood there gazing lovingly at the gem in His hand.
Suddenly, the little girl could take it no more. She dashed forward and grabbed the gem from the Father's hand, and without waiting for Him to say a word, she ran away to her hidey-hole to hold the gem up to her face and look at it closely. Away from the Father's light, the gem shone less brilliantly, but it was no less beautiful and the little girl admired it very much. Maybe, she thought, this was the Treasure! It was very, very precious to her and from that day on she vowed not to let it out of her possession.
The Nanny and the Guardian and the Tutor and all the other people who heard about what the little girl had done came to try and persuade her to return the gem, but she refused. After all, hadn't the Father meant to give it to her? She was sure He had taken it out of that box and it was going to be for her, so why shouldn't she have it? Besides, the Father never told her to give it back, not even when she met up with Him in the days afterward. So no matter how much they scolded her and tried to punish her, she believed that the Father meant for her to have it and she held onto it tightly because it was the first thing that had meant so much to her. It was her Treasure, after all! What right did they have to take it away from her? Besides its great beauty, it held the Father's love for her, and so it was very very precious to her.
But gradually she began to remember the sign on the door, and that she had disobeyed it. She also realised that she had vaguely seen other boxes around, that might not have had her name on them. Couldn't the Father have meant this gem for someone else? And might she be stealing this gem from someone else? The little girl was torn, because the gem was so precious to her but at the same time she could see how precious it would be to someone else. It would be terribly unfair of her to keep it away from that someone else.
Slowly the little girl remembered other details of the scene. She remembered that as she dashed forward to grab the gem, she had seen in the Father's other hand a chisel, held as if it was about to keep shaping the gem. She looked at the gem and thought that it looked beautiful as it was, but she knew that the Father's taste was much better than hers and if He was going to continue shaping the gem, it would turn out more beautiful than before, perhaps the most beautiful gem in the world. By taking it away, she might have interrupted the Father's work! How could she, a mere little girl, do that to her almighty and ever-loving Father?
At this thought, the little girl could stand it no more. She took the precious sparkling gem from her hiding place, and made a decision that she would return it to her Father. The decision was very painful because the gem was so very precious to her and it had made her so happy for a few precious days. But she knew that she would have no peace until she knew what the Father wanted to do with the gem.
And so she went, step after painful step, down the hallway to the room where she knew her Father would always meet her, no matter what time of the day it was. "When I get before my Father," she thought, "I will open my palms and hold the gem up to Him and tell Him that I am sorry I snatched it from Him that day. Maybe He will tell me this gem is not for me and take it away, and that He has something else for me that is the true Treasure I am supposed to have. I will be very sad, but I will know that I am doing what my Father pleases. Maybe He will tell me that it's okay and that He meant for me to have the gem soon anyway so I can keep the gem now. I will be very happy, and I will be happy that I am doing what my Father wants. Maybe He will tell me that yes, this is the Treasure for me, but because He is not done chiselling it yet, He will take the gem back for now and I will have to be patient and wait until He is done with it. But whatever He does, I have to remember that this gem belongs to my Father and it is only mine if He makes a gift of it to me. And I must not allow my fingers to tighten around the gem if He is going to take it away. I must give it up to Him entirely, because He knows what is best for me."
And so the little girl goes, step by painful step, down that long hallway to the room where she is to meet her Dad. And she prays, fervently, for the strength to open her fingers one by one in order to offer the gem fully and willingly to her Father and say to Him, "Not my will, but Yours be done."
Ok I stopped writing the story there :) Haven't decided how to end it. Somehow, "gem" reminds me of To Kill A Mockingbird, and I laugh at the thought of Precious Jem. Teehee! :P
Can I share a song?
God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways
We cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way
God will make a way. I only have to Trust and Obey. :)
Precious Jem... remember you are beautiful to God. And to me.
QT Quotes
(gahh can i be lazy for once and not capitalise everything? :P i'll do it eventually. teehee.)
sunday's QT:
"Hebrews 13:5 tells us that God will never leave or forsake us, and Philippians 4:19 says that God will meet all our needs. when we accept Christ as our personal saviour, God promises eternal life. We trust God's promises, and God can help us to keep the promises we make."
"when we keep our promises, we model the faithfulness of God"
Genesis 9:14 "it shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud;"
monday's QT:
Psalm 1
v2: But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.
v3: he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.
v6: for the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish.
"that foggy morning helped me to remember the spiritual fog in my own life that had obscured my way. slowly but surely God lifted that fog for me by opening my heart each day to the light of God's presence."
"whether our spiritual fog is denial, unbelief, intellectualism, anger, fear, grief, addiction, abuse, pride, or anything else that hides the path, God can lift it. as we attend to God's presence and will, the way becomes clearer. the fog may not lift suddenly, though that has happened for some. as the path becomes visible, we are able to move ahead with confidence and assurance." (this has new meaning for me after a few days' worth of events :)
tuesday's QT:
1 Corinthians 12
v12: for as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ.
v13: for by one Spirit we wre all baptized into one body -- whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free -- and have all been made to drink into one Spirit.
v15: if the foot should say, "because i am not a hand, i am not of the body," is it therefore not of the body?
v17: if the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? if the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling?
v18: but now God has set the members, each one of the, in the body just as he pleased.
v20: but now indeed there are many members, yet one body.
v21: and the eye cannot say to the hand, "i have no need of you"; nor again the head to the feet, "i have no need of you."
v22: no, much rather, those members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary.
v23: and those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor; and our unpresentable parts have greater modesty,
v24: but our presentable parts have no need. but God composed the body, having given greater honor to that part which lacks it,
v25: that there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another.
v26: and if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.
wednesday's QT:
"we have our houses, cars, gadgets, and clothes and find ourselves working not to earn a living but to pay for everything we have. in this way we become controlled by our possessions."
"if we have abundant possessions, let us consider how we can use them to serve God and neighbour."
"help us remember, O God, that everything we have comes from You."
[skipped thursday's QT coz had CG :P ok, bad excuse. sorry God :S here's some bits that caught me now, though.]
Isaiah 58:6-9 "is this not the fast that I have chosen: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke? is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out; when you see the naked, that you cover him, and not hide yourself from your own flesh? then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, 'here I am'."
"Isaiah 58:7 explains that relieving the suffering of others is a valid way to fast."
"while denying myself the comforts of home and the convenience of regular routine in order to serve others, i learned that fasting is making the choice to give up valid desires in order to please God."
"i offered to God my work in the homeless shelter as a spiritual fast. the 12-hour days of cooking and cleaning required me to eat regular meals to keep going. being rigid about not eating could have weakened me and thus kept me from the holy task of giving suffering people a hot meal. each situation calls for different forms of self-denial that draw us close to our Lord."
"the fast that pleases God is different for each of us, as we serve those in need."
[skipped friday's QT :S sorry God!]
saturday's QT:
Habakkuk 3
v3: God came from Teman, the Holy One from Mount Paran. Selah~ His glory covered the heavens, and the earth was full of His praise.
v4: His brightness was like the light; He had rays flashing from His hand, and there His power was hidden.
v6: He stood and measured the earth; He looked and startled the nations. and the everlasting mountains were scattered, the perpetual hills bowed. His ways are everlasting.
v10: the mountains saw You and trembled; the overflowing of the water passed by. the deep uttered its voice, and lifted its hands on high.
v13: You went forth for the salvation of Your people, for salvation with Your Anointed. You struck the head from the house of the wicked, by laying bare from foundation to neck. Selah
v17: though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; though the flock be cut off from th efold, and there be no herd in the stalls--
v18: yet i will rejoice in the Lord, i will joy in the God of my salvation.
v19: the Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on my high hills. (i almost said "high heels" here :P :P)
sunday's QT:
Acts 5
v20: "go, stand in the temple and speak to the people all the words of this life."
v24: now when the high priest, the captain of the temple, and the chief priests heard these things, they wondered what the outcome would be.
v29: then Peter and the other apostles answered and said: "we ought to obey God rather than men.
v32: "and we are His witnesses to these things, and so also is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey Him."
"Lord, give us grace to be your faithful witnesses, even in hard circumstances."
monday's QT:
2 Corinthians 9
v6: but this i say: he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.
v8: and God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, have an abundance for every good work.
v11: while you are enriched in everything for all liberality, which causes thanksgiving through us to God.
"this reminds us that we too can become "dead seas" if we do not share our time, our resources, or ourselves with others."
"we keep the waters of life flowing through us and avoid spiritual stalemate by serving, giving, and sharing."
"loving God, show us how to let Your living water flow through us to others."
sunday's QT:
"Hebrews 13:5 tells us that God will never leave or forsake us, and Philippians 4:19 says that God will meet all our needs. when we accept Christ as our personal saviour, God promises eternal life. We trust God's promises, and God can help us to keep the promises we make."
"when we keep our promises, we model the faithfulness of God"
Genesis 9:14 "it shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud;"
monday's QT:
Psalm 1
v2: But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.
v3: he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.
v6: for the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish.
"that foggy morning helped me to remember the spiritual fog in my own life that had obscured my way. slowly but surely God lifted that fog for me by opening my heart each day to the light of God's presence."
"whether our spiritual fog is denial, unbelief, intellectualism, anger, fear, grief, addiction, abuse, pride, or anything else that hides the path, God can lift it. as we attend to God's presence and will, the way becomes clearer. the fog may not lift suddenly, though that has happened for some. as the path becomes visible, we are able to move ahead with confidence and assurance." (this has new meaning for me after a few days' worth of events :)
tuesday's QT:
1 Corinthians 12
v12: for as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ.
v13: for by one Spirit we wre all baptized into one body -- whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free -- and have all been made to drink into one Spirit.
v15: if the foot should say, "because i am not a hand, i am not of the body," is it therefore not of the body?
v17: if the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? if the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling?
v18: but now God has set the members, each one of the, in the body just as he pleased.
v20: but now indeed there are many members, yet one body.
v21: and the eye cannot say to the hand, "i have no need of you"; nor again the head to the feet, "i have no need of you."
v22: no, much rather, those members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary.
v23: and those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor; and our unpresentable parts have greater modesty,
v24: but our presentable parts have no need. but God composed the body, having given greater honor to that part which lacks it,
v25: that there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another.
v26: and if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.
wednesday's QT:
"we have our houses, cars, gadgets, and clothes and find ourselves working not to earn a living but to pay for everything we have. in this way we become controlled by our possessions."
"if we have abundant possessions, let us consider how we can use them to serve God and neighbour."
"help us remember, O God, that everything we have comes from You."
[skipped thursday's QT coz had CG :P ok, bad excuse. sorry God :S here's some bits that caught me now, though.]
Isaiah 58:6-9 "is this not the fast that I have chosen: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke? is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out; when you see the naked, that you cover him, and not hide yourself from your own flesh? then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, 'here I am'."
"Isaiah 58:7 explains that relieving the suffering of others is a valid way to fast."
"while denying myself the comforts of home and the convenience of regular routine in order to serve others, i learned that fasting is making the choice to give up valid desires in order to please God."
"i offered to God my work in the homeless shelter as a spiritual fast. the 12-hour days of cooking and cleaning required me to eat regular meals to keep going. being rigid about not eating could have weakened me and thus kept me from the holy task of giving suffering people a hot meal. each situation calls for different forms of self-denial that draw us close to our Lord."
"the fast that pleases God is different for each of us, as we serve those in need."
[skipped friday's QT :S sorry God!]
saturday's QT:
Habakkuk 3
v3: God came from Teman, the Holy One from Mount Paran. Selah~ His glory covered the heavens, and the earth was full of His praise.
v4: His brightness was like the light; He had rays flashing from His hand, and there His power was hidden.
v6: He stood and measured the earth; He looked and startled the nations. and the everlasting mountains were scattered, the perpetual hills bowed. His ways are everlasting.
v10: the mountains saw You and trembled; the overflowing of the water passed by. the deep uttered its voice, and lifted its hands on high.
v13: You went forth for the salvation of Your people, for salvation with Your Anointed. You struck the head from the house of the wicked, by laying bare from foundation to neck. Selah
v17: though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; though the flock be cut off from th efold, and there be no herd in the stalls--
v18: yet i will rejoice in the Lord, i will joy in the God of my salvation.
v19: the Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on my high hills. (i almost said "high heels" here :P :P)
sunday's QT:
Acts 5
v20: "go, stand in the temple and speak to the people all the words of this life."
v24: now when the high priest, the captain of the temple, and the chief priests heard these things, they wondered what the outcome would be.
v29: then Peter and the other apostles answered and said: "we ought to obey God rather than men.
v32: "and we are His witnesses to these things, and so also is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey Him."
"Lord, give us grace to be your faithful witnesses, even in hard circumstances."
monday's QT:
2 Corinthians 9
v6: but this i say: he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.
v8: and God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, have an abundance for every good work.
v11: while you are enriched in everything for all liberality, which causes thanksgiving through us to God.
"this reminds us that we too can become "dead seas" if we do not share our time, our resources, or ourselves with others."
"we keep the waters of life flowing through us and avoid spiritual stalemate by serving, giving, and sharing."
"loving God, show us how to let Your living water flow through us to others."
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Message To My Family. (even though none of you read this blog)
Don't give up on me
Please tell me... what am I supposed to do?
What are you feeling?
What are your concerns?
What do you think I should do?
Most importantly... what can I do to make you happy?
I want to see you all happy... I want peace in my family, I really do.
Am I only allowed one happiness in my life?
And if I am... which one do I choose?
Dear God, I was thinking about all this yesterday... and I wondered "What if Jesus comes tomorrow? So much for 7 years" and I laughed.
But if there isn't a huge announcement and a trumpet and a Loud Voice Saying something or other... what am I going to do?
Please don't be hurt. I'm probably overreacting. Let God handle it for me :) You just schmile, and lean on Him.
Please tell me... what am I supposed to do?
What are you feeling?
What are your concerns?
What do you think I should do?
Most importantly... what can I do to make you happy?
I want to see you all happy... I want peace in my family, I really do.
Am I only allowed one happiness in my life?
And if I am... which one do I choose?
Dear God, I was thinking about all this yesterday... and I wondered "What if Jesus comes tomorrow? So much for 7 years" and I laughed.
But if there isn't a huge announcement and a trumpet and a Loud Voice Saying something or other... what am I going to do?
Please don't be hurt. I'm probably overreacting. Let God handle it for me :) You just schmile, and lean on Him.