You know how in Christian literature, they often talk about having Shalom, that deep abiding peace from God that is present even in the most troubled times? The thing about it is that I've never really been sure whether I feel it. For sure, I don't feel calm and sure and stable all the time... There are times, even long periods of time, when I feel almost shaken to the core, almost beaten to the ground.
But as the song goes:
I am pressed but not crushed
Persecuted, not abandoned
Struck down, but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the curse
For His promise will endure
And His joy's gonna be my strength
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning
And in that case, I do know that I experience peace in bad times, not because I go through them calmly and with equanamity, but because no matter how pained and abandoned and crushed I feel, I know that in the end God will take me through. Whether He lifts me out or carries me through or lets me walk through it but never leaves my side, He will be with me all the way. And that is what I think peace really describes, the security of that knowledge even if your heart trembles with fear and your soul cries deep rending tears. Even if you think "God, you seem so far away", you know that He is there and He cares for you. And that is much more precious than any fake stability that anything on earth can give you. :)
Yesterday I was happy, but it was that kind of tense, binding happiness where you can't believe you're happy, you're almost waiting for the other shoe to drop, thinking that it can't last. But when God had sorted things out and there's stuff to look forward to and duties to fulfil in the meantime, I could finally relax and say I was content, and at peace. The closest I can describe it is: Imagine you've picked up a $1000 note that doesn't belong to anybody (and, in the pattern of primary school compositions, you've taken it to the police station and been told that you can keep it. :P) and of course you're ecstatic. You put it in your wallet and all day long you are walking around thinking of the $1000 note in your wallet, being happy but being so anxious that your wallet might get stolen, or the note might fall out when you take out your wallet to buy something, or the police station might find the owner and call you up to return it or something. You're happy, but tense. But then at the end of the day you go to the bank and you deposit the note into your bank account and then you start thinking, "What should I do with this unexpected windfall? How can I give back to God the blessings He has given me?" and then you start planning to set up a fund for poor children in your country, and you set up a timeframe and a plan of how to go about it... You have something to DO with that money now. And that's contentment and peace. :) (At least according to my story :P)
Yesterday's CG was good, we just had a time of worship, sharing and prayer. Couple of songs God seemed to be pointing in my direction that day, I'll just list their titles: "Times of Refreshing" and "Still". "Lead me to the cross" also seemed to call out to me, and when Kumuthan read out Psalm 91 I couldn't help remembering the Children's Ministry theme song of the same name. :)
I will dwell in the secret place
Of the Most High
I will stay in the shadow of Your wings
For Lord You are my refuge
My tower of strength
My hope is in You
Secure I stand
You will deliver me
Your truth will be my shield
Jesus You cover me
In Your love no fear prevails
No evil
No terror
No arrow
No plague
Shall ever come near me
For You are my safety
My hiding place
Jesus I trust in
Jesus I trust in
Jesus I trust in You.
During sharing, Adeline shared a part of Elizabeth Elliot's book, "Passion and Purity". (I want to get that book sometime :P) She wrote that when she and Jim Elliot (that famous missionary who was killed by cannibals and whose widow later ministered to them and the whole tribe converted -- I think) first confessed their feelings for each other, Jim said he couldn't commit because God might call him away to missions. Sure enough, He did, and Elizabeth spent the time waiting, praying that God would take away her feelings for Jim because it hurt so much and she didn't even know if it would amount to anything in the end. (Don't forget in those days, mission work was very dangerous and one could get killed while on missions -- so the uncertainty was much more amplified too.) But God rewarded their faithfulness and after 5 years they were finally reunited, and eventually married. I thought that was such a beautiful story of two faithful people and one ever-faithful God :)
And of course it's always edifying to pray in a group... even if it's about something as strange as shoes ;P
One thing I love about songs is that their meaning (or at least, their personal application to your life) changes when the context that you sing them in changes. One of the reasons why I often advocate ambiguity :) I think ambiguity leaves room for God to work in.
Still You
Hear me when I'm calling
Lord You catch me when I'm falling
And You tell me who I am
I am Yours
Friday, November 03, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
What A Difference A Spot Of Sunshine Makes :)
Oh, I know there will be trials
And rocky roads to face
And times when all we can do
Is lean upon God's grace
We might have to face mountains
And many a choppy sea
But knowing that someone is there
Is quite enough for me. :)
And rocky roads to face
And times when all we can do
Is lean upon God's grace
We might have to face mountains
And many a choppy sea
But knowing that someone is there
Is quite enough for me. :)
It Takes Time
Dear God, what have I done... I cared for him too much to keep silent but I needn't have gone that extra mile, either. Once again, my desire to know has undone me.
Had a heart-to-heart talk with Mum and the outcome of it is, "It's not the right time." And you know what? I think I can accept that... if only I knew whether:
1) He really does reciprocate (unlike the many other times when it has been one-way, and I always feel like those are my fault. Is it wrong of me to be overly affectionate? Why do I always feel an implicit accusation that it's my fault I care so easily for people? I don't know, another question to be answered by God.)
2) This is really the right path for us at all.
And I guess to me that is really the most important question, the question I've been praying over and over again for the past couple of months. The only thing Mum could say when I asked her, "How do you know??" is "It takes time."
And I can appreciate it taking time. I don't even think it's wise to rush things considering how much farther there is to go. But is there even anything there for me to wait for? Or is God trying to tell me "You're just good friends"??
I did think this morning that I wanted to settle it today, because I said a little too much and now it's like i'm running away from it. But all the wise advice points to this big sign --> WAIT. Yes, I can see how it most probably isn't the right time. (Another example of my stubborness; nobody except God can convince me, I swear. Well, maybe he can. I don't know if he's ever tried.) But dear God, will there ever be a right time at all, for this particular person? Or should I really save us both the trouble and just stay away from him, hoping to starve whatever feeling I have for him?
I'm just avoiding the middle road, aren't I? Yes, the middle road of not saying a word, but just waiting for God to bring things to happen, either to let it fade away or to grow. Of not trying to do things by myself. Of Waiting On The Lord, For Heaven's Sake!! (So much for taking my own advice >.<)
I was going to post the lyrics of the hymn "Take My Life, And Let It Be" here as a reminder of what I should strive for, but re-reading my words made me laugh at an alternative version of a well-known song that I came up with some time ago. I know it's mildly disrespectful to the original writers, but I find it true too. :P
It takes time to wait upon the Lord
It takes time to listen to His voice
Unless the Lord builds the house
We labour in vain
'Coz it takes time to wait upon the Lord.
Had a heart-to-heart talk with Mum and the outcome of it is, "It's not the right time." And you know what? I think I can accept that... if only I knew whether:
1) He really does reciprocate (unlike the many other times when it has been one-way, and I always feel like those are my fault. Is it wrong of me to be overly affectionate? Why do I always feel an implicit accusation that it's my fault I care so easily for people? I don't know, another question to be answered by God.)
2) This is really the right path for us at all.
And I guess to me that is really the most important question, the question I've been praying over and over again for the past couple of months. The only thing Mum could say when I asked her, "How do you know??" is "It takes time."
And I can appreciate it taking time. I don't even think it's wise to rush things considering how much farther there is to go. But is there even anything there for me to wait for? Or is God trying to tell me "You're just good friends"??
I did think this morning that I wanted to settle it today, because I said a little too much and now it's like i'm running away from it. But all the wise advice points to this big sign --> WAIT. Yes, I can see how it most probably isn't the right time. (Another example of my stubborness; nobody except God can convince me, I swear. Well, maybe he can. I don't know if he's ever tried.) But dear God, will there ever be a right time at all, for this particular person? Or should I really save us both the trouble and just stay away from him, hoping to starve whatever feeling I have for him?
I'm just avoiding the middle road, aren't I? Yes, the middle road of not saying a word, but just waiting for God to bring things to happen, either to let it fade away or to grow. Of not trying to do things by myself. Of Waiting On The Lord, For Heaven's Sake!! (So much for taking my own advice >.<)
I was going to post the lyrics of the hymn "Take My Life, And Let It Be" here as a reminder of what I should strive for, but re-reading my words made me laugh at an alternative version of a well-known song that I came up with some time ago. I know it's mildly disrespectful to the original writers, but I find it true too. :P
It takes time to wait upon the Lord
It takes time to listen to His voice
Unless the Lord builds the house
We labour in vain
'Coz it takes time to wait upon the Lord.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
And You Know
It is for the best.
Stupid girl, why did you even start this in the first place? Looking back now, you know you chose to walk down a dodgy path even though you didn't know it would be quite so dodgy then. But on hindsight, you had a choice, no matter how small or inconsequential it seemed, you made that choice, and now you just have to face the consequences.
The least you can do now is pray.
The most you can do now is keep away.
AND STAY AWAY... from him.
Stupid. Little. Girl.
(There's a reason why I call myself a woolly-headed lamb.)
Lambs are always playing all day in books, but this lamb has work to do. (Maybe she will try to be PRAYing all day instead? :P) And she will depend on God for strength and discipline.
And she WILL stop doing dodgy debatable things. Gahhh.
Stupid girl, why did you even start this in the first place? Looking back now, you know you chose to walk down a dodgy path even though you didn't know it would be quite so dodgy then. But on hindsight, you had a choice, no matter how small or inconsequential it seemed, you made that choice, and now you just have to face the consequences.
The least you can do now is pray.
The most you can do now is keep away.
AND STAY AWAY... from him.
Stupid. Little. Girl.
(There's a reason why I call myself a woolly-headed lamb.)
Lambs are always playing all day in books, but this lamb has work to do. (Maybe she will try to be PRAYing all day instead? :P) And she will depend on God for strength and discipline.
And she WILL stop doing dodgy debatable things. Gahhh.
Pride Comes Before A Fall
This is what pride can do.
So much for asking "Is he spiritually mature enough for me?" Now I find myself asking "Am I spiritually mature enough for him?" And increasingly I find the answer is "No"...
One year (or thereabouts) of talking to him, and I make myself into a simpering fool. That's not even as long as our difference in ages. How could I have thought that I had what it takes? What could I have been thinking??
How wise You are, O Lord... and how wise You have made him.
Help me to be obedient to Your will, Lord. And teach me what to do now so that I will not drag him down in his spiritual walk.
And most of all Lord, help me not to be jealous of his hunger for You, of Your closeness to him. Oh, I know I shouldn't even be jealous in the first place, but You know how this flesh of ours creeps up and assails us from behind when we're not looking... Dear God, I need You to put Your hand on my heart and help me refocus on You and You alone. :S
But it goes against the way I am
To put my human nature down
And let the Spirit take control of all I do
This is what I am now.
I want to be this:
Oh God I'm so needy, needy
Oh God I'm in need of You
Lord, help me:
Fix my eyes on You Jesus
As I run this race
Help me fight this fight of faith
It's always a struggle, Lord, but I know I am not alone.
Joshua 1:5 "...As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you."
[Later edit: It comes to mind that perhaps one of the reasons I admire him so much is because he is like my Mum in terms of being a faithful lover of God, ever so faithful a servant of Him. And as I have often bemoaned before, I am not enough like my Mum. Oh well.]
So much for asking "Is he spiritually mature enough for me?" Now I find myself asking "Am I spiritually mature enough for him?" And increasingly I find the answer is "No"...
One year (or thereabouts) of talking to him, and I make myself into a simpering fool. That's not even as long as our difference in ages. How could I have thought that I had what it takes? What could I have been thinking??
How wise You are, O Lord... and how wise You have made him.
Help me to be obedient to Your will, Lord. And teach me what to do now so that I will not drag him down in his spiritual walk.
And most of all Lord, help me not to be jealous of his hunger for You, of Your closeness to him. Oh, I know I shouldn't even be jealous in the first place, but You know how this flesh of ours creeps up and assails us from behind when we're not looking... Dear God, I need You to put Your hand on my heart and help me refocus on You and You alone. :S
But it goes against the way I am
To put my human nature down
And let the Spirit take control of all I do
This is what I am now.
I want to be this:
Oh God I'm so needy, needy
Oh God I'm in need of You
Lord, help me:
Fix my eyes on You Jesus
As I run this race
Help me fight this fight of faith
It's always a struggle, Lord, but I know I am not alone.
Joshua 1:5 "...As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you."
[Later edit: It comes to mind that perhaps one of the reasons I admire him so much is because he is like my Mum in terms of being a faithful lover of God, ever so faithful a servant of Him. And as I have often bemoaned before, I am not enough like my Mum. Oh well.]
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Once Again
Over and over again, I find peace in God's presence :)
Managed to put aside last night's frustrations and focus on worshipping God during DK Worship this morning, for which I am devoutly thankful to God Himself :P (Btw, I love how the kids are really taking to Hallelujah To The Lamb. It's generally considered one of the more complicated songs, but they picked it up so quickly and always sing the "hallelujah" part so enthusiastically, it never fails to bring tears to my eyes :') Indeed it is true that "out of the mouths of babes and infants, You have ordained praise"...) Later though when Randall, Abigail and Abigil (I keep wanting to stick an A into her name :P) had left and I was sitting by myself just under the keyboard (if you've never been in DK Worship, you wouldn't understand this :P), those ponderings came back and assailed me again. At that time, Amos (I keep wanting to call him Uncle Amos but he explained the last time how that made him feel old -- I get this alot from adults now that I'm supposedly one myself :P) was telling the story of the olive oil that filled up all the pots and pans in the house and he was doing a pretty good job of it too! I can tell all the kids enjoyed it and I wasn't sure the adults weren't having a ball of a time too :P I was only just able to keep my mind on the lesson, all the time pleading with God in my heart: "God, You know what's going on in my heart and what I am facing... What am I supposed to do that will be pleasing to You? What's in Your plan for me? And how will I know? Give me an answer... How am I supposed to live for You if I don't know what it means in this situation? Please give me an answer..." It helped that in my position I could see the huge cross in the chapel and be quite close to it, so I glanced up at it every now and then to reassure myself that God was listening to me, that He was THERE. That went on more or less until the story ended and Amos switched on the computer to show a slide that said...
"Psalm 34:10 ...those who seek the Lord will lack no good thing."
I don't know why, but it just seemed like God's answer to me somehow, even though at that time I hadn't fully thought out how it was His answer to me. But it just kept running on and on through my mind as Jennifer (almost Aunty Jennifer -- gahhh!) shared Wajiyah's story, and I kept staring at the cross (which was easier now because Jennifer was using the projector so it wasn't like I wasn't paying attention or anything) and I gradually became aware that the knots inside of me were slowly being unwound, not like physically but really in terms of emotions, I just felt myself begin to relax under God's warming influence... And somehow the story just served to impress the lesson further upon my heart.
Basically what she shared was how God took care of Wajiyah, this missionary lady from our church. Wajiyah first came to Singapore from Indonesia many years ago to work as a maid (the more politically-correct term is domestic helper. But in the local context, "maid" is more widely recognisable) and her employer happened to be Mrs Sonya (Sonia?) Cheong, mother of one of the DK teachers. Sonya treated her maid very well and even asked her what her ambitions were, and Wajiyah indicated that she would like to learn English. So Sonya taught her English, and as part of the lessons she taught her to read the Bible as well. As a result, Wajiyah became a Christian from believing what she read in the Bible.
After her contract expired, Wajiyah expressed a desire to serve God in Indonesia, but didn't know how to go about it. Sonya helped her contact a missionary in Indonesia named Dr Tan Kok Boon (I think) and asked what she should do. Dr Tan advised her to go to the Bible College in Lawang, which would give her 4 years of theological training. But Wajiyah wanted to know what would happen after that, where would she be able to serve God with her training? Dr Tan didn't know either, but he said he would pray about it.
As the 4 years went by, Dr Tan kept receiving phone calls from Indonesians who wanted to learn how to be missionaries -- but they didn't know English, and so they needed to be taught in Bahasa Indonesia. But he didn't know of any such school they could go to, so all he could do was take down their contacts and tell them he would pray about it. He had an idea that perhaps Batam would be a good place to set up something, but he had no concrete plans beyond that. Various other people prayed and prayed with him, but nobody seemed to have any idea what to do.
Finally the 4 years were drawing to a close, and Wajiyah called up Dr Tan, saying that she would be graduating soon and asking if he knew where she was going to go after her studies. She had not lost faith in God's providence all this time. Dr Tan could only tell her that he did not know as yet.
One day soon after that conversation, Dr Tan received a phone call from a woman who said she was going to donate a house. Dr Tan was delighted: "That's wonderful! Where is the house?" The reply came: Batam. It was God's answer to their prayers! :)
So Wajiyah finished her studies, and she and Dr Tan set up a Bible School in Batam with the (big, bungalow) house that the woman had donated, teaching all the Indonesians who wanted to be missionaries. Not only that, but when two other houseowners in that neighbourhood discovered what they were doing, they donated their houses too! So now the missionaries had THREE houses, and besides a Bible School they set up a kindergarten as well, and another centre whose purpose I've forgotten :P But that story was just amazing.
After that, Jennifer talked about how God loves to make jigsaw puzzles and bring all these separate pieces (Wajiyah, Mrs Sonya Cheong, Dr Tan, the Indonesians, the houseowners) together to form one beautiful picture (Wajiyah's ministry, providing the Indonesians with a Bible School). And as she did so, I was ruminating on the story by myself (still staring at the cross). The take-home point for the whole session was that God works miracles in our lives each and every day, and we only have to look out for them to recognise them. ("Take a look at the ordinary / don't need to look for paradise" :P) But through thinking about the verse and what it means to me, I came to this conclusion:
"With or without a partner, I will run this race. I'll walk Your path for me; I will seek Your face!"
As in marathons (or so I've heard; not much of an athlete myself :P), if you have a running partner you can actually be motivated to run faster and further because the both of you are providing each other company along the arduous, tedious route and spurring each other on to the end. But that doesn't mean that if you don't have a partner you will deflate and sink to the ground; you can still finish the race by simply continuing to give of your best, and striving on for the goal! And you will be no less rewarded by God :) (In fact, some theories have it that if you have a partner the journey becomes even more arduous instead. But I don't know anything about this so I shut up :P)
And I repeat again the verse that brought this home to me :)
Psalm 34:10 "...But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."
(Interestingly, God has been pointing me to Psalm 34 quite frequently in recent times. I think I will "test God" by waiting awhile to see if He points me back to another part of it again before I post it up in whole ;P)
And yes, that's one of the reasons why I didn't go for Contemporary Worship today. I felt more or less like I had attended a full service already, which is what Edmond always intended for the Children's Ministry anyway :) Besides which, I had an essay to rush that I'm still rushing :(
Totally unconnected song, but what the heck :D
And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I'm humbled by Your mercy, and I'm broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life
Managed to put aside last night's frustrations and focus on worshipping God during DK Worship this morning, for which I am devoutly thankful to God Himself :P (Btw, I love how the kids are really taking to Hallelujah To The Lamb. It's generally considered one of the more complicated songs, but they picked it up so quickly and always sing the "hallelujah" part so enthusiastically, it never fails to bring tears to my eyes :') Indeed it is true that "out of the mouths of babes and infants, You have ordained praise"...) Later though when Randall, Abigail and Abigil (I keep wanting to stick an A into her name :P) had left and I was sitting by myself just under the keyboard (if you've never been in DK Worship, you wouldn't understand this :P), those ponderings came back and assailed me again. At that time, Amos (I keep wanting to call him Uncle Amos but he explained the last time how that made him feel old -- I get this alot from adults now that I'm supposedly one myself :P) was telling the story of the olive oil that filled up all the pots and pans in the house and he was doing a pretty good job of it too! I can tell all the kids enjoyed it and I wasn't sure the adults weren't having a ball of a time too :P I was only just able to keep my mind on the lesson, all the time pleading with God in my heart: "God, You know what's going on in my heart and what I am facing... What am I supposed to do that will be pleasing to You? What's in Your plan for me? And how will I know? Give me an answer... How am I supposed to live for You if I don't know what it means in this situation? Please give me an answer..." It helped that in my position I could see the huge cross in the chapel and be quite close to it, so I glanced up at it every now and then to reassure myself that God was listening to me, that He was THERE. That went on more or less until the story ended and Amos switched on the computer to show a slide that said...
"Psalm 34:10 ...those who seek the Lord will lack no good thing."
I don't know why, but it just seemed like God's answer to me somehow, even though at that time I hadn't fully thought out how it was His answer to me. But it just kept running on and on through my mind as Jennifer (almost Aunty Jennifer -- gahhh!) shared Wajiyah's story, and I kept staring at the cross (which was easier now because Jennifer was using the projector so it wasn't like I wasn't paying attention or anything) and I gradually became aware that the knots inside of me were slowly being unwound, not like physically but really in terms of emotions, I just felt myself begin to relax under God's warming influence... And somehow the story just served to impress the lesson further upon my heart.
Basically what she shared was how God took care of Wajiyah, this missionary lady from our church. Wajiyah first came to Singapore from Indonesia many years ago to work as a maid (the more politically-correct term is domestic helper. But in the local context, "maid" is more widely recognisable) and her employer happened to be Mrs Sonya (Sonia?) Cheong, mother of one of the DK teachers. Sonya treated her maid very well and even asked her what her ambitions were, and Wajiyah indicated that she would like to learn English. So Sonya taught her English, and as part of the lessons she taught her to read the Bible as well. As a result, Wajiyah became a Christian from believing what she read in the Bible.
After her contract expired, Wajiyah expressed a desire to serve God in Indonesia, but didn't know how to go about it. Sonya helped her contact a missionary in Indonesia named Dr Tan Kok Boon (I think) and asked what she should do. Dr Tan advised her to go to the Bible College in Lawang, which would give her 4 years of theological training. But Wajiyah wanted to know what would happen after that, where would she be able to serve God with her training? Dr Tan didn't know either, but he said he would pray about it.
As the 4 years went by, Dr Tan kept receiving phone calls from Indonesians who wanted to learn how to be missionaries -- but they didn't know English, and so they needed to be taught in Bahasa Indonesia. But he didn't know of any such school they could go to, so all he could do was take down their contacts and tell them he would pray about it. He had an idea that perhaps Batam would be a good place to set up something, but he had no concrete plans beyond that. Various other people prayed and prayed with him, but nobody seemed to have any idea what to do.
Finally the 4 years were drawing to a close, and Wajiyah called up Dr Tan, saying that she would be graduating soon and asking if he knew where she was going to go after her studies. She had not lost faith in God's providence all this time. Dr Tan could only tell her that he did not know as yet.
One day soon after that conversation, Dr Tan received a phone call from a woman who said she was going to donate a house. Dr Tan was delighted: "That's wonderful! Where is the house?" The reply came: Batam. It was God's answer to their prayers! :)
So Wajiyah finished her studies, and she and Dr Tan set up a Bible School in Batam with the (big, bungalow) house that the woman had donated, teaching all the Indonesians who wanted to be missionaries. Not only that, but when two other houseowners in that neighbourhood discovered what they were doing, they donated their houses too! So now the missionaries had THREE houses, and besides a Bible School they set up a kindergarten as well, and another centre whose purpose I've forgotten :P But that story was just amazing.
After that, Jennifer talked about how God loves to make jigsaw puzzles and bring all these separate pieces (Wajiyah, Mrs Sonya Cheong, Dr Tan, the Indonesians, the houseowners) together to form one beautiful picture (Wajiyah's ministry, providing the Indonesians with a Bible School). And as she did so, I was ruminating on the story by myself (still staring at the cross). The take-home point for the whole session was that God works miracles in our lives each and every day, and we only have to look out for them to recognise them. ("Take a look at the ordinary / don't need to look for paradise" :P) But through thinking about the verse and what it means to me, I came to this conclusion:
"With or without a partner, I will run this race. I'll walk Your path for me; I will seek Your face!"
As in marathons (or so I've heard; not much of an athlete myself :P), if you have a running partner you can actually be motivated to run faster and further because the both of you are providing each other company along the arduous, tedious route and spurring each other on to the end. But that doesn't mean that if you don't have a partner you will deflate and sink to the ground; you can still finish the race by simply continuing to give of your best, and striving on for the goal! And you will be no less rewarded by God :) (In fact, some theories have it that if you have a partner the journey becomes even more arduous instead. But I don't know anything about this so I shut up :P)
And I repeat again the verse that brought this home to me :)
Psalm 34:10 "...But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."
(Interestingly, God has been pointing me to Psalm 34 quite frequently in recent times. I think I will "test God" by waiting awhile to see if He points me back to another part of it again before I post it up in whole ;P)
And yes, that's one of the reasons why I didn't go for Contemporary Worship today. I felt more or less like I had attended a full service already, which is what Edmond always intended for the Children's Ministry anyway :) Besides which, I had an essay to rush that I'm still rushing :(
Totally unconnected song, but what the heck :D
And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I'm humbled by Your mercy, and I'm broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life
*Deep Breath*
I must calm down.
I must not do rash things.
Dear God, I don't know if You were trying to speak through my brother. (Lord, You know how I feel about my brother speaking to me. :P Help me not be biased Lord...) I don't know if he was highlighting to me something that I ought to change, or rein back, or is natural and oughtn't to be interfered with because it comes from You.
I don't know about tomorrow
I just live from day to day...
No expectations, remember?
Dear God, I'm very bad at following my own advice :'( Please help me, Lord.
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Maybe I should stop.
What's the name of the game
Does it mean anything to you
It's not a game, it's never a game, I've never treated it as a game, but it's a game all the same... (That Rhymes :D) It's a game because it doesn't mean anything to everybody else. It's a game because I must always keep it hidden, all the time. It's a game because I never know, never will know (although this is debatable), don't want to know but want to know all at the same time. I want to know because I don't want it to be a game. I don't want to know because I'm so afraid of the deep hurt it brings. So uncertainty, or heartbreak? The Devil and the deep blue sea. (Actually, I rather like blue... and the sea [or more specifically the beach]. But I meant that phrase metaphorically :P)
And they called it Puppy Love
Just because we're in our teens
Well, I'm not in my teens anymore, and frankly that only confuses me further. Since I'm not in my teens anymore, does that mean I won't experience Puppy Love, only the Real Thing? Or does it have more to do with the quality, the maturity of the relationship itself?
And in that case, what does it say about me if somebody thinks I am experiencing "Puppy Love"?
Sorry... I'm being too self-centred again. "Me me me" I can start singing Sound Of Music at this rate :P
It's just that it looks like it's shaping up to be another "me versus the family" issues. And my track record on those have not been good recently.
Dear Lord, please speak to me. Because I need guidance pretty badly, and I think I need it quite soon before I pass the point of very-difficult-to-return.
At all times I will bless Him
His praise will be in my mouth
My soul makes its boast in the Lord...
God, You rock!!! You are greater than any issues or challenges I might face :)
There is no problem too big
God cannot solve it
There is no mountain too tall
He cannot move it
There is no storm too dark
God cannot calm it
There is no sorrow too deep
He cannot soothe it
If He carried the weight of the world
Upon His shoulder
I know my brother that He will carry you
If He carried the weight of the world
Upon His shoulder
I know my sister that He will carry you
He said "Come unto Me
All who are weary
And I will give you rest"(X2)
I must not do rash things.
Dear God, I don't know if You were trying to speak through my brother. (Lord, You know how I feel about my brother speaking to me. :P Help me not be biased Lord...) I don't know if he was highlighting to me something that I ought to change, or rein back, or is natural and oughtn't to be interfered with because it comes from You.
I don't know about tomorrow
I just live from day to day...
No expectations, remember?
Dear God, I'm very bad at following my own advice :'( Please help me, Lord.
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Maybe I should stop.
What's the name of the game
Does it mean anything to you
It's not a game, it's never a game, I've never treated it as a game, but it's a game all the same... (That Rhymes :D) It's a game because it doesn't mean anything to everybody else. It's a game because I must always keep it hidden, all the time. It's a game because I never know, never will know (although this is debatable), don't want to know but want to know all at the same time. I want to know because I don't want it to be a game. I don't want to know because I'm so afraid of the deep hurt it brings. So uncertainty, or heartbreak? The Devil and the deep blue sea. (Actually, I rather like blue... and the sea [or more specifically the beach]. But I meant that phrase metaphorically :P)
And they called it Puppy Love
Just because we're in our teens
Well, I'm not in my teens anymore, and frankly that only confuses me further. Since I'm not in my teens anymore, does that mean I won't experience Puppy Love, only the Real Thing? Or does it have more to do with the quality, the maturity of the relationship itself?
And in that case, what does it say about me if somebody thinks I am experiencing "Puppy Love"?
Sorry... I'm being too self-centred again. "Me me me" I can start singing Sound Of Music at this rate :P
It's just that it looks like it's shaping up to be another "me versus the family" issues. And my track record on those have not been good recently.
Dear Lord, please speak to me. Because I need guidance pretty badly, and I think I need it quite soon before I pass the point of very-difficult-to-return.
At all times I will bless Him
His praise will be in my mouth
My soul makes its boast in the Lord...
God, You rock!!! You are greater than any issues or challenges I might face :)
There is no problem too big
God cannot solve it
There is no mountain too tall
He cannot move it
There is no storm too dark
God cannot calm it
There is no sorrow too deep
He cannot soothe it
If He carried the weight of the world
Upon His shoulder
I know my brother that He will carry you
If He carried the weight of the world
Upon His shoulder
I know my sister that He will carry you
He said "Come unto Me
All who are weary
And I will give you rest"(X2)