The Singapore Polytechnic musical, SuPerstar, exceeded my expectations! :) Admittedly, them expectations initially weren't very high... I was torn between being impressed by their slick marketing brochure, and not-so-impressed by the fact that it didn't seem to present itself as anything more than a celebration of reality TV talent shows. But I was proved wrong about that second part...
First up, kudos to the director-cum-musical director, as well as the scriptwriter. I think they took it beyond "Let's take the talent show and put it into theatre format -- look instant musical!" but in fact managed quite cleverly to bring out several issues about the whole phenomenon of reality TV shows, and reality TV talent shows in particular... For example, the very real possibility of friendships being affected when both friends are in the competition. Plot-wise, there were a couple of parts that I felt could use improvement (the "moment of threat" to the protagonist that might have prevented him from continuing in the competition was just a little too short to be very believable/significant/suspenseful, and the "recovery from the threat" itself was also a bit too hilarious to really be taken seriously), but mostly it ran quite smoothly and was an engaging enough structure to support the songs without falling limp in the intervening bits. As in, I think the non-sung dialogue was pretty good work :)
Speaking of which, the songs were rather well done too. One thing I LOVED about this production was they provided subtitles for the songs on the screen so you could tell what people were really singing!! :D Of course, it would be much better if the all the singers were good enough in articulation so you didn't need subtitles to hear what the song was about, but for a visual-oriented person like me it was very much appreciated indeed :P Not only that, but they printed all the lyrics in the programme booklet so people could keep a copy of it!!! I am very very pleased indeed :) Otherwise, I would have been reduced to frantically copying down lovely phrases in my notebook just so I wouldn't forget them and could blog about them afterwards :P (I decided not to do so here... Because there are just so many i'd clog up my own blog :P Also: copyright issues!) Honestly though, I really think they should take this musical to the public arena and tour it or something. A little cleaning up needs to be done, but I honestly think standard-wise it's at least on par with Godspeed the musical, and that it's the most honest portrayal of the issues of the reality TV talent show phenomenon that doesn't take itself too seriously to be fun. Think about it eh, SP? ;P
Talent-wise, I am very impressed indeed. Of course they were not professional singers, but after having been for Forbidden City recently, I feel that too often people make far too much fuss about a professional singer until they suffer from comparison with their reputation. Therefore I think one must judge each performance based on what you think was done well there and then right before your ears/eyes. There were a couple of really good singers (the actors playing Shelley and Jun Liang), one or two others that seemed to have a reasonable standard with a few moments of ooh-ness (and, sometimes, one or two moments of "ouch"-ness), and most of the others were just having fun :) There's nothing wrong with having fun, and in fact I rather like to watch this kind of fun, but what I'm saying is there was real talent in this musical and not just in terms of singing, either. This is probably the first time I've actually woken up to the fact that "Yah... The orchestra must be super-stressed because they are 'on' all the time, in a manner of speaking... The actors can go backstage and take a breath or two but the orchestra just keeps playing and preparing for the next song and playing!!" Well of course they have a break here and there too like during the dialogue or when a different section of the orchestra is playing or something, but still it seems quite nerve-wracking. Also, I quite liked some of the bits where sound was used as support for the dialogue -- especially the bit where someone played on an electric organ to imitate a ringtone sound :P There was very good use of multimedia -- very good use indeed! I was particularly inspired by the use of photographs of different places being used to indicate setting on a big screen behind... and also all the animation bits which included a spoof of the beginning sequence of the Idol shows :P Oh yes how could I forget the dancing :) I think the choreographer was pretty good, particularly in big-group sequences (of which there were quite a few) -- not spectacular, but the kind of stuff that I involuntarily go "nice!!" at, for example the crossing of two circles of people to become one circle inside the other. But I think the bit that really WOKE me up to the diversity of talents in SP was during one soloist's performance when instead of having background dancers, they had people on roller skates skim around the stage gracefully. Beautiful!!!
Oh yeah and I think President Nathan is a nice warm-hearted man :) He had done the usual VIP thing of going up on stage to take a picture with the whole cast and receive a token of appreciation... Then he actually held out his hand to a young man who was sitting on the floor during the taking of the picture, and pulled him to his feet. Wow! Not only that, he didn't just ceremoniously take the token and leave, but actually spoke to the cast and complimented them and even looked for the director and shook his hand. I was really amazed and I think he deserves great kudos for that :)
Going home in the car, I had an epiphany. You know the song with the chorus that ends:
"If love never
lasts forever, tell me
what's forever for"
And if you really listen to it carefully you'll see that the lyrics actually don't make much sense. I mean I think I know what the songwriter's aiming for, which is the notion that love lasts forever, else there is no use for the word "forever" because love is so integrated with forever, but if you break it down in a logical manner you'll see that it makes no sense because the theoretical concept of "forever" is quite separate from the theoretical concept of "love". Yet because of the tune, and the way the words just seem to fit the tune, and the way the words just sound right in that combination, many people love that song (and that phrase in the song). And if you were to sing it as part of the song you would be more likely to think "Ohh, what a beautiful sentiment/how true to experience/what a moving statement" instead of "This sentence doesn't make sense". So just like my blog title, we can be sharp and precise and be accurate about something, but if the expression doesn't move you, then in my opinion it has failed to be an effective part of communication. One might as well write "you can't understand unless you're in my position" which is probably the closest to absolute accuracy, in terms of describing experience, that you can get. Which is deeply dissatisfying. Sometimes, I feel, we as human beings get too technical about "what's factually right" and forget the emotional aspect of communication. And what, you ask, is the emotional aspect of communication?
Just a few minutes previously, there was this radio talk show on and the guest speaker was some sort of expert on helping children deal with stress -- i.e. talking to parents saying stuff like "You have to recognise your child's emotions; if they are angry at someone they will not be able to focus on their studies" etc etc. It sounded terribly theoretical and I wondered if the expert had really done her research because she sounded like she was presenting a very one-dimensional view of how children experience stress about studies and she kept repeating that point over and over again. (Doesn't this phrase sound like it uses redundant words??) I was just mulling it over with dad and we wondered whether such self-improvement talks were really useful in real life... and then I dug up a thought that seemed to be waiting just below the surface: "Sometimes, it's really more about giving people hope than actually changing their behaviour." And really it seems to make sense. I mean stuff like frivolous chatting -- how can it be of real empirical use to people?? But it is, because regardless of the nonsense content, what is being communicated is actually feelings... And it can be really affirming to receive vibes like "You are a fun person to talk to" or "There are people who care about you" or "You are really witty -- see I'm laughing!", stuff like that. And that actually translates to a better attitude to whatever events come after that chat, a better disposition towards the world and thus higher chance of creating cooperation leading to possibly better output, better emotional health and hence physical health as well (it is proven that mood actually does affect your physical state) and so on. I don't want to make it sound like the elixir of life but I hope you get my point.
To get back to hope: People can't change their behaviour overnight and they may not achieve it in the long-term either, but sometimes all they really need is that little push of hope to help them believe that things can get better and keep them going on in life. And maybe you say that I'm idealistic and that those talks give people false hope instead of real actual change -- but let me ask you, realistically, can anybody who is not you be 100% correct in telling you how to change your behaviour? No. Does that mean that such motivational speakers have no use then? Not at all! They may not be right in analysing the reasons for their experiencing a better life, but they ARE providing an example (and in many cases, quite a few other examples as well) of people who HAVE managed to better their lives and that gives people hope to continue trying to better their lives in various ways. Being realistic will only result in them saying "It's no use, such change only happened to that person and it won't happen to me -- so forget it." In effect, being "realistic" is simply going to depress people, which is why I feel that people in Singapore seem to age so fast, because they're so haggard with hopelessness. "Realistically," they say dolefully, "you are only deluding yourself if you say things will get better, so why hope? Just walk this journey and breathe a sigh of relief when it is over." I say to you, wake up your idea! Things HAVE gotten better, they may not be on an ever-ascending slope but they have gotten better and gotten worse and gotten better so what makes you think things only get worse and worse? Hope helps you believe that "there's something better further on", it helps you strive for the better so even if things aren't perfect they are better and life won't seem like an ardous journey anymore, but one that has at least some measure of enjoyment :) I think hope is a miracle pill.
Let me end by quoting a comment made by a member of the audience that I overheard as we were streaming out of the hall: "Eh, now I want to go and write a song!" I don't know what the director would have felt if he had heard that, but to me that is the one comment that would make it all worthwhile. To know that a work of art, no matter how tediously it came into being and how short-lived its life, had inspired someone else to want to create art themselves, is to me the very essence of being an artist. This is the standard that I strive to be judged by, and one day hope to achieve. I stand by my view that art is the passing on of hope! :)
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
Dreams again - this is getting tiring
I haven't much time so I should type quickly. But I was a little traumatised by the dream so it'll take some time to gather my scattered thoughts.
I don't know which part of the dream it is that I remember, but I remember sortof watching as a third person in what seemed to be a movie... Those sorts of movies that get a famous actress to act like a bumbling tomboy in the first half and then get transformed in the second, or some such thing. In this movie, the female character apparently is a bimbotic officer of some armed forces group... I have no idea if they are the police or some rebel group. I do have an impression of schools in the midst of tall lalang, and scurrying students, and what seems to be hiding the hall of the school, but I don't remember much about that part. Anyway, this bimbotic officer is apparently on some type of mission with a few other women officers, and for some reason they go to a road somewhere and are attempting to move some road... barriers? I don't know what they are called, those metal bars that stand upright to about your waist and are painted black and yellow and basically stand all in a line to prevent people from driving where they shouldn't drive. The ones they are trying to move seem to be at a pedestrian crossing, and just as they are about to move off, the bimbotic officer breaks a nail and stops... The other women officers berate her and they start off again, but just as they lift up the metal things to carry them off, an army-like vehicle appears in sight (was it an army jeep? I don't know enough about vehicles to tell) and I involuntarily let out a groan of dismay... I don't even know why. The women officers quickly let down the metal things and pretend they were always on the ground, and some male officers from the vehicle surround them and start to question them. I see one or two women officers grip the metal things tightly and I start to guess what's going to happen next...
And indeed, with a synchronised move, all 6 women grab the metal thing they were about to carry and swing it at the soldiers (or so I assume) talking to them... Each women seems to be facing about 3 soldiers and so with the first swing they hit one, then they swing in the opposite direction and hit another, and the momentum carries them around so they try to swing again to hit the third. Now somehow there is a woman officer from the vehicle left over... And while I don't remember any more about the men, she comes to challenge the 6 women officers (or so I think). This is the point in which I'm not sure if we have moved to being a theatre play, because when this new woman officer demonstrates her prowess in fighting and beating the 6 woman officers, the beaten women officers wipe red paint across their faces to indicate their injuries in a very symbolic way. Suffice it to say that it looks rather real and all of a sudden I realise they are in a grey prison cell (and strangely enough, I'm in there with them). Something happens (I can't remember now) that makes me aware that they have been (or, at least in the story, are supposed to have been) beaten up so badly that they've almost lost their mind... Because the fierce woman officer accuses someone of smuggling something and they laugh almost hysterically and own up. Anyway what this girl has "smuggled" is a purple towel... And for some strange reason there is the impression in my mind that something has been revealed which the regime that the fierce woman officer belongs to does not like. There is also a prejudice against the woman cleaner of the cell (where did SHE come into the picture??). So the fierce woman officer comes into the cell and takes the purple towel from a pile of towels on the bed, and asks the girl if this is what she received from the cleaning lady? The girl says yes, and then the officer takes a bigger, pastel green towel from the pile and says that the girl can have it if she will cooperate with them. The girl seems interested (in the very light-headed, almost insane way) so the woman officer asks her again about the cleaning lady, "you mean she told them what happened so she could get this towel?" and the girl affirms again. Then the officer tells the girl to go off with her.
At this point in time it seems very important to me that they do not fire the cleaning lady and that the "them" are made aware of what is going to happen so they can take steps against it or something. So I take my handphone from my pocket (!!! as if they would have let me keep it!) and type a message under the book I am reading (again, !!! would they have let me keep books? Then again, in the dream I had the impression I was a "favoured" prisoner of sorts because I wasn't beaten and bloodied like the rest.) without letting the guards see what I'm at, and am about to send the message to BK (I don't even know why BK -- he's the president of nu(studios), my NUS film club). That's when I awake, because my alarm was ringing.
Even after I've half-awoken, I kept wondering how I was going to hide the phone and whether they would keep track of all the handphone signals going out and whether I would be in danger and how I could keep the phone hidden and safe but able to access it again to read the reply...
It's scary. I do so hate war stories and movies and things about prisons, and to start my day with a memory of dreams like that is not very happy indeed. :S
I don't know which part of the dream it is that I remember, but I remember sortof watching as a third person in what seemed to be a movie... Those sorts of movies that get a famous actress to act like a bumbling tomboy in the first half and then get transformed in the second, or some such thing. In this movie, the female character apparently is a bimbotic officer of some armed forces group... I have no idea if they are the police or some rebel group. I do have an impression of schools in the midst of tall lalang, and scurrying students, and what seems to be hiding the hall of the school, but I don't remember much about that part. Anyway, this bimbotic officer is apparently on some type of mission with a few other women officers, and for some reason they go to a road somewhere and are attempting to move some road... barriers? I don't know what they are called, those metal bars that stand upright to about your waist and are painted black and yellow and basically stand all in a line to prevent people from driving where they shouldn't drive. The ones they are trying to move seem to be at a pedestrian crossing, and just as they are about to move off, the bimbotic officer breaks a nail and stops... The other women officers berate her and they start off again, but just as they lift up the metal things to carry them off, an army-like vehicle appears in sight (was it an army jeep? I don't know enough about vehicles to tell) and I involuntarily let out a groan of dismay... I don't even know why. The women officers quickly let down the metal things and pretend they were always on the ground, and some male officers from the vehicle surround them and start to question them. I see one or two women officers grip the metal things tightly and I start to guess what's going to happen next...
And indeed, with a synchronised move, all 6 women grab the metal thing they were about to carry and swing it at the soldiers (or so I assume) talking to them... Each women seems to be facing about 3 soldiers and so with the first swing they hit one, then they swing in the opposite direction and hit another, and the momentum carries them around so they try to swing again to hit the third. Now somehow there is a woman officer from the vehicle left over... And while I don't remember any more about the men, she comes to challenge the 6 women officers (or so I think). This is the point in which I'm not sure if we have moved to being a theatre play, because when this new woman officer demonstrates her prowess in fighting and beating the 6 woman officers, the beaten women officers wipe red paint across their faces to indicate their injuries in a very symbolic way. Suffice it to say that it looks rather real and all of a sudden I realise they are in a grey prison cell (and strangely enough, I'm in there with them). Something happens (I can't remember now) that makes me aware that they have been (or, at least in the story, are supposed to have been) beaten up so badly that they've almost lost their mind... Because the fierce woman officer accuses someone of smuggling something and they laugh almost hysterically and own up. Anyway what this girl has "smuggled" is a purple towel... And for some strange reason there is the impression in my mind that something has been revealed which the regime that the fierce woman officer belongs to does not like. There is also a prejudice against the woman cleaner of the cell (where did SHE come into the picture??). So the fierce woman officer comes into the cell and takes the purple towel from a pile of towels on the bed, and asks the girl if this is what she received from the cleaning lady? The girl says yes, and then the officer takes a bigger, pastel green towel from the pile and says that the girl can have it if she will cooperate with them. The girl seems interested (in the very light-headed, almost insane way) so the woman officer asks her again about the cleaning lady, "you mean she told them what happened so she could get this towel?" and the girl affirms again. Then the officer tells the girl to go off with her.
At this point in time it seems very important to me that they do not fire the cleaning lady and that the "them" are made aware of what is going to happen so they can take steps against it or something. So I take my handphone from my pocket (!!! as if they would have let me keep it!) and type a message under the book I am reading (again, !!! would they have let me keep books? Then again, in the dream I had the impression I was a "favoured" prisoner of sorts because I wasn't beaten and bloodied like the rest.) without letting the guards see what I'm at, and am about to send the message to BK (I don't even know why BK -- he's the president of nu(studios), my NUS film club). That's when I awake, because my alarm was ringing.
Even after I've half-awoken, I kept wondering how I was going to hide the phone and whether they would keep track of all the handphone signals going out and whether I would be in danger and how I could keep the phone hidden and safe but able to access it again to read the reply...
It's scary. I do so hate war stories and movies and things about prisons, and to start my day with a memory of dreams like that is not very happy indeed. :S
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
dreeeeeam, dream dream dream
Oh dear I've been having too many dreams lately. :(
Two nights ago, my dream (or dreams? Since they appeared not to really be linked) was a very convoluted and slightly disturbing one. There is one part that I'm quite sure wasn't the beginning but for some reason doesn't seem to really fit anywhere in the chronology... It's something about Joel (recent acquaintance in USP) dropping his handphone or something important because he wouldn't tell me something and I kept bugging him about it, and the thing that was dropped was almost run over by a car, and in the end I found out what it was and said "Why did you refuse to tell me, it was such a trivial thing anyway?" and I don't remember his reply. Hmmm.
The other longer and more convoluted part goes like this: For some reason I am shopping in some neighbourhood with my mother and brother, and this neighbourhood looks somewhat like the Bukit Batok neighbourhood we used to live in, except the shops have all been renovated. My mother slips for some reason and falls with her face pressed into something which makes her face dirty. My brother says something like "Why are you so careless?" and I admonish him for being heartless and give my mother a tissue to wipe her face with. We walk towards this shop that we had thought quite intriguing and wanted to enter, but we realised that further inside this shop they sold stuff for temple offerings like incense and stuff like that. So we didn't enter it but we entered another shop which I have the vaguest impression of as selling things for hobbies like kites, possibly. Just then I hear someone call "Dionnie! Reinie!" which are the names of my twin nieces, and I turn around and they've just walked past the shop so I call out to them. Surprisingly, my mother appears not to be surprised at their presence at all (despite the fact that in reality they live in Ponggol and are not likely to be in our neighbourhood at all) and we chat with them for awhile.
Suddenly the scene shifts to a swimming pool (this might be because the twins love to swim :P) and it's like one of those holiday resorts, with a pavilion and all. An "ang-moh" boy is trying to retrieve a tennis ball from the gutter of some pavilion roof, and after he succeeds he falls into the pool with a big splash and rubs his thigh which apparently hurts, although he doesn't appear to be in danger. I was watching that incident from the pool itself but suddenly i'm standing on the second level of a pavilion that seems to be built reaching out over the pool, and there are some guys in the pool that I appear to be talking to. They point out a length of cloth hanging from the railing on the side of the second level which is opposite to mine, and none of us have any idea what it's doing there. Suddenly a girl who appears to be a pageant contestant of some sort (in a bikini, complete with sash and all) is standing just above the cloth, and one or two of the boys starts whistling and swimming towards the cloth while the girl beckons them to climb up it. All of a sudden I notice there are more lengths of cloth tied at regular intervals to the railings overlooking the pool, and girls who look like the other pageant contestants start to appear at the lengths of cloths and there looks like 1 girl for each guy in the pool. Then I realise there is a cloth hanging just below my feet and I tell the guy "Don't even think about it!" :P After that, I realise there are a couple more pageant contestants coming with sashes that match the grey cloth hanging below me so I grab my towels (one white and one dark green) and scuttle past to make room for them. I join my friends in what seems to be a lobby and we're sitting down on sofas... for some reason I have the impression they are my university schoolmates, possibly from USP. But Tabitha (from my Sociology honours class) is there too, so I'm not too sure. The other university schoolmates (two girls) are gossiping and expressing disgust about how the pageant girls (I get the impression they were referred to as foreigners) are taking away our local guys, and then suddenly one local guy appears in front of us and asks Tabitha for a dance. I comment "Nice!" because it appears that at least one local guy isn't too dazzled by the foreigners and likes local girls, and we egg her on, so she goes with the guy, but before he leaves he turns at the last minute and touches the hand of one of the other university schoolmates (who appears to be dark-skinned), whispering "I'll see you later..." And then both my university schoolmates burst out laughing because that guy has turned out to be a playboy after all.
After that I walk to the (very short flight of) stairs behind the sofa and meet a few girls who seem to be from MGS... But I meet Mariko there who was from my primary school (FMPS) so I'm not sure about that. Anyway Mariko is wearing this dress with green print that doesn't seem very nice, and for some reason I spitefully make a sarcastic comment about it, and she responds sarcastically too. Then she mentions that she is going to see her father and that hits me in the heart, because I remember something about her not being on very good terms with her father. So I apologise for being mean and say I truly hope she will have a happy meeting with her father, and she makes a reply and walks up the stairs. I'm about to follow after her (perhaps to apologise again) when I meet my friend Sue Mei from MGS. I put my arm around her and turn to continue up the stairs, but I see someone hanging like a burden from Mariko's back in a very weird position facing us, with her hair covering her face. I peer under her hair and see that it's Huiling (my MGS friend who committed suicide in 2001), and at that point I scream like I've never screamed before in my life, and Sue Mei screams as well and I wake up in a cold sweat.
I know dreams often don't mean anything but I am still a little disturbed by that. And my parents don't seem to have picked up on my distress when I talked to them about it; generally they don't seem to want to talk about Huiling at all when I do bring up the topic. And the day after the dream was when we learnt about my uncle's brother's suicide. But anyway... I think it was just the memory of MGS and petty social bickering that reminded me of our "loners' group" in MGS, and hence Sue Mei, and hence Huiling. So it doesn't mean anything... only I wish I could talk about it to somebody and have them understand.
Well, I'm talking it out to my blog, now :) So I feel much better.
Last night, I dreamt again... This time about being chased in a group of people through fields and over rivers, kinda like in a war scene except it didn't look so "Chinese". I remember dipping my feet into the clear cold water of the river and looking for children in the tall grass. All of a sudden I was hiding behind a tree while a big car/bus/vehicle of some sort drove up, but I couldn't hide well enough and was discovered by a lady in a pink hat/outfit. Suddenly I was in some sort of talent agency (?) and being selected for some grooming programme... they claimed I had the most "potential" even though I protested and said "How could I possibly be better than all those other girls?"
Then I left the talent agency to go somewhere else and waited for a shuttle bus outside (shades of visiting Dad at CGH) and sat on a nice wooden park bench while doing so with my bag next to my feet. I'm not sure at what point Weiyi (from my JC class) was sitting next to me (because I have a vague memory, not sure in this dream or the previous night's one, of her sitting next to me in some random bus and us being surprised and chatting) but there she was on the park bench next to me, commenting about SiJia whom we had just seen some way down the road. I was saying something about how I didn't know SiJia was a Christian until I read what her T-shirt said, and Weiyi was saying something like "Yes, she doesn't really flaunt it around, she's not the type that always wants to talk about it" and I felt a subtle criticism about my own tendency to talk about Christianity and Christianity-related stuff in front of my friends, whether they're Christian or non-Christian (although presumably it only matters more to non-Christian friends). But I can't help it, Christ is so much a part of my life that I honestly don't see how I can compartmentalise belief in Him into just one little box labelled "Religion" instead of acknowledging that His spirit infuses (and is SUPPOSED to infuse) all and every part of my life.
Oh well. At any rate I woke up soon after that, or so I think :P I don't remember anything after that, so I guess I must have.
How strange dreams are. :/
Two nights ago, my dream (or dreams? Since they appeared not to really be linked) was a very convoluted and slightly disturbing one. There is one part that I'm quite sure wasn't the beginning but for some reason doesn't seem to really fit anywhere in the chronology... It's something about Joel (recent acquaintance in USP) dropping his handphone or something important because he wouldn't tell me something and I kept bugging him about it, and the thing that was dropped was almost run over by a car, and in the end I found out what it was and said "Why did you refuse to tell me, it was such a trivial thing anyway?" and I don't remember his reply. Hmmm.
The other longer and more convoluted part goes like this: For some reason I am shopping in some neighbourhood with my mother and brother, and this neighbourhood looks somewhat like the Bukit Batok neighbourhood we used to live in, except the shops have all been renovated. My mother slips for some reason and falls with her face pressed into something which makes her face dirty. My brother says something like "Why are you so careless?" and I admonish him for being heartless and give my mother a tissue to wipe her face with. We walk towards this shop that we had thought quite intriguing and wanted to enter, but we realised that further inside this shop they sold stuff for temple offerings like incense and stuff like that. So we didn't enter it but we entered another shop which I have the vaguest impression of as selling things for hobbies like kites, possibly. Just then I hear someone call "Dionnie! Reinie!" which are the names of my twin nieces, and I turn around and they've just walked past the shop so I call out to them. Surprisingly, my mother appears not to be surprised at their presence at all (despite the fact that in reality they live in Ponggol and are not likely to be in our neighbourhood at all) and we chat with them for awhile.
Suddenly the scene shifts to a swimming pool (this might be because the twins love to swim :P) and it's like one of those holiday resorts, with a pavilion and all. An "ang-moh" boy is trying to retrieve a tennis ball from the gutter of some pavilion roof, and after he succeeds he falls into the pool with a big splash and rubs his thigh which apparently hurts, although he doesn't appear to be in danger. I was watching that incident from the pool itself but suddenly i'm standing on the second level of a pavilion that seems to be built reaching out over the pool, and there are some guys in the pool that I appear to be talking to. They point out a length of cloth hanging from the railing on the side of the second level which is opposite to mine, and none of us have any idea what it's doing there. Suddenly a girl who appears to be a pageant contestant of some sort (in a bikini, complete with sash and all) is standing just above the cloth, and one or two of the boys starts whistling and swimming towards the cloth while the girl beckons them to climb up it. All of a sudden I notice there are more lengths of cloth tied at regular intervals to the railings overlooking the pool, and girls who look like the other pageant contestants start to appear at the lengths of cloths and there looks like 1 girl for each guy in the pool. Then I realise there is a cloth hanging just below my feet and I tell the guy "Don't even think about it!" :P After that, I realise there are a couple more pageant contestants coming with sashes that match the grey cloth hanging below me so I grab my towels (one white and one dark green) and scuttle past to make room for them. I join my friends in what seems to be a lobby and we're sitting down on sofas... for some reason I have the impression they are my university schoolmates, possibly from USP. But Tabitha (from my Sociology honours class) is there too, so I'm not too sure. The other university schoolmates (two girls) are gossiping and expressing disgust about how the pageant girls (I get the impression they were referred to as foreigners) are taking away our local guys, and then suddenly one local guy appears in front of us and asks Tabitha for a dance. I comment "Nice!" because it appears that at least one local guy isn't too dazzled by the foreigners and likes local girls, and we egg her on, so she goes with the guy, but before he leaves he turns at the last minute and touches the hand of one of the other university schoolmates (who appears to be dark-skinned), whispering "I'll see you later..." And then both my university schoolmates burst out laughing because that guy has turned out to be a playboy after all.
After that I walk to the (very short flight of) stairs behind the sofa and meet a few girls who seem to be from MGS... But I meet Mariko there who was from my primary school (FMPS) so I'm not sure about that. Anyway Mariko is wearing this dress with green print that doesn't seem very nice, and for some reason I spitefully make a sarcastic comment about it, and she responds sarcastically too. Then she mentions that she is going to see her father and that hits me in the heart, because I remember something about her not being on very good terms with her father. So I apologise for being mean and say I truly hope she will have a happy meeting with her father, and she makes a reply and walks up the stairs. I'm about to follow after her (perhaps to apologise again) when I meet my friend Sue Mei from MGS. I put my arm around her and turn to continue up the stairs, but I see someone hanging like a burden from Mariko's back in a very weird position facing us, with her hair covering her face. I peer under her hair and see that it's Huiling (my MGS friend who committed suicide in 2001), and at that point I scream like I've never screamed before in my life, and Sue Mei screams as well and I wake up in a cold sweat.
I know dreams often don't mean anything but I am still a little disturbed by that. And my parents don't seem to have picked up on my distress when I talked to them about it; generally they don't seem to want to talk about Huiling at all when I do bring up the topic. And the day after the dream was when we learnt about my uncle's brother's suicide. But anyway... I think it was just the memory of MGS and petty social bickering that reminded me of our "loners' group" in MGS, and hence Sue Mei, and hence Huiling. So it doesn't mean anything... only I wish I could talk about it to somebody and have them understand.
Well, I'm talking it out to my blog, now :) So I feel much better.
Last night, I dreamt again... This time about being chased in a group of people through fields and over rivers, kinda like in a war scene except it didn't look so "Chinese". I remember dipping my feet into the clear cold water of the river and looking for children in the tall grass. All of a sudden I was hiding behind a tree while a big car/bus/vehicle of some sort drove up, but I couldn't hide well enough and was discovered by a lady in a pink hat/outfit. Suddenly I was in some sort of talent agency (?) and being selected for some grooming programme... they claimed I had the most "potential" even though I protested and said "How could I possibly be better than all those other girls?"
Then I left the talent agency to go somewhere else and waited for a shuttle bus outside (shades of visiting Dad at CGH) and sat on a nice wooden park bench while doing so with my bag next to my feet. I'm not sure at what point Weiyi (from my JC class) was sitting next to me (because I have a vague memory, not sure in this dream or the previous night's one, of her sitting next to me in some random bus and us being surprised and chatting) but there she was on the park bench next to me, commenting about SiJia whom we had just seen some way down the road. I was saying something about how I didn't know SiJia was a Christian until I read what her T-shirt said, and Weiyi was saying something like "Yes, she doesn't really flaunt it around, she's not the type that always wants to talk about it" and I felt a subtle criticism about my own tendency to talk about Christianity and Christianity-related stuff in front of my friends, whether they're Christian or non-Christian (although presumably it only matters more to non-Christian friends). But I can't help it, Christ is so much a part of my life that I honestly don't see how I can compartmentalise belief in Him into just one little box labelled "Religion" instead of acknowledging that His spirit infuses (and is SUPPOSED to infuse) all and every part of my life.
Oh well. At any rate I woke up soon after that, or so I think :P I don't remember anything after that, so I guess I must have.
How strange dreams are. :/
Back! :)
yeah i'm back on blogger. why huh... well i enjoyed my stint on LJ but having to limit my entries for the sake of not inundating my friends' Friends pages has left me using lj-cuts furiously, or just not typing that much at all... which hasn't been very satisfactory. so i'm back on blogger for verbosity's sake :P
a new rule, though: since i'm supposed to be using this for story ideas & whatnot, i might as well train up my writing skills as well by making myself type in full sentences and with proper grammar and that. :P from the next post onwards! :D
a new rule, though: since i'm supposed to be using this for story ideas & whatnot, i might as well train up my writing skills as well by making myself type in full sentences and with proper grammar and that. :P from the next post onwards! :D