Dying inside

And how do I stop these tears
And how do I keep from panicking
And how do I break this chain of always
Wanting to self-destruct?

I'm not ok
But I can't tell you that because
That would be adding pressure to you
And you're already not ok.

But these words, they hurt
And echo
And echo
And echo
And echo
And echo and they won't shut off.

And it drives me crazy
But I can't tell you that either
And I can't tell you how it hurt
Over weeks.

Weeks.
How stupid.
How can 3 weeks make me so weak
I'm supposed to lean on Him,
Supposed to be strong
But I have had to struggle to be strong for too long

I'm breaking down.

God, help me.
Please keep my hand from the blade.