Virtually Dangerous

Is Computer Mediated Communication (CMC) really the root of all my emotional problems??

I hate to agree with Mum, but it looks like it's true... the past 3 "e-problems" have been strongly linked to the use of CMC -- things like online chat and blogging. Bah.

But a little voice inside me cries: "Don't shoot the (MSN)messenger!" It's not the channels of communication but rather my own tendency to jump to conclusions and imagine things that aren't there. In the oft-repeated words of Mum and Dad, I'm simply too "emotional" and must learn to be "rational and disciplined". No quarrels with that, only I don't know how to do that and still retain a heart.

Maybe, in the world of grown-ups, one doesn't NEED a heart -- only brains and pair of hardworking hands. Hearts are, perhaps, useless because of their tendency to make one vulnerable and weak. Personally, I don't buy that because God spoke first to my heart and then my brain, and I don't take that lightly at all. Without emotions, are human beings really human at all?

Without a brain, can human beings in today's world maintain their existence as human beings?

Even my brain is treacherous nowadays. Maybe another reason why I've never thought it possible to separate one's brain from one's heart is the fact that they are inseparably linked. He appeared in my dreams last night... something about doing homework with a whole bunch of other people but he was there. And if dreams are not from the brain, a lot of scientific research out there is wrong.

That's when I knew I'd really got it bad, like last time. And more and more I'm beginning to realise there's really nobody I can turn to for help, or even to cry my heart out to. Dangerous to approach guys (the same kind of danger that got me into this mess) and there are very few girls I feel comfortable enough confiding in; those that I'm comfortable with are too busy or in another country. (Darned globalisation effects.) And sometimes all you really want is a big, real, warm hug instead of a virtual *HuGz!!*

Mum says I'm just having PMS; well, perhaps I am. I need to pray that I will stop being so affected by it.

Last night I thought a scary thought: "I'm so tired of being human, of having to try." I didn't go beyond that but it's still scary because I've never thought to that point before. I pray that I will never go beyond that...

Father, draw me near
near to where You are
hold me in Your arms of love
for I long to be with You

take me deeper, draw me nearer
Spirit bring me to the arms of the Father
fill me with unending desire
each day I live to worship You

Lord, help me live like I mean that song...