Who's In Control?

I have only just realised my own controlling behaviour -- or at least, the desire to control things. I wonder if it stems from the frustration of being unable to control my own procrastinating behaviour and hence, I try to control other things in my environment? I do apologise if you're one of the people I have been taking it out on lately. Father, help me remember it is Your ministry and not my own...

Today's QT really spoke. Usually I try to discipline myself to read the suggested Bible passage before the "story/testimony" bit, but today the title just caught me and I went along with it, with the Bible passage later on giving me even more insights into the testimony bit instead of the other way around -- an interesting way of doing things. I guess it doesn't really matter to God what order I do it in :) I really must learn to be less meticulous in the way I do things.

Learning To Float:
First of all the highlighted verse caught my eye. Psalm 18:16 "[The Lord] reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters." This reminded me of MercyMe's Coming Up To Breathe... And I really do feel like I have been very overwhelmed with work and stuff lately, so this verse gave me a glimmer of hope :)

The author of the short sharing told of how she learned to float: "fighting the urge to struggle" and learning that as she lay back, "some water came over my face; but as I remained still [instead of panicking], the water also lifted my body up and I floated peacefully in the pool." And I thought that was so true: we always ask God to lift us high and dry out of our situations or like Peter desire to walk on water, but for many of us the way to trust in God (and His natural laws of physics :D) is to let some "water" wash over our faces while knowing that the rest of it will buoy our bodies such that we won't sink to the depths. For me, it's a reminder that although (school)work is tedious and tiring, it's necessary to have some of it, but also not to struggle and be anxious, and instead to trust in God and be buoyed up by the very thing we thought we would drown in. Very interesting thought!

What touched me even more was when the author shared: "Sometimes I struggle to control a situation until I feel overwhelmed." And I thought: Yeah, that's me! (This SO came at the right time.) Often I feel overwhelmed not because of the tasks themselves but my controlling tendency that makes me want to organise and standardise and confirm every little last detail... Like I said, too meticulous. (It takes me on average half an hour the night before to prepare everything I need for the next day, down to what I'm going to wear sometimes. And YET I still forget stuff and am often late!) So what should I do? The author suggests: "when I remember to be still and to trust, God holds me up so that I can float peacefully in God's care." Yes, I have to learn all over again what it means to Trust.

Then the suggested prayer said: "Remind us of Your presence, and help us to offer Your assurance to others." At this point I said "yes, Lord" but at the same time my heart was saying "Lord, how do I offer Your assurance without getting my heart into emotional problems? I'm afraid to show Your care sometimes!" and immediately after that I read the suggested prayer focus, which was "those who are afraid". And I was like whoa! Ok God You are really talking directly to my forehead tonight :)

Speaking of which I caught myself frowning in my brain again as I tried to pray and had to consciously relax my brow... I know I spoke about the heart-brain connection before but I find when I pray, I prefer to try and restrict the role of my brain and give more room for the heart and soul to cry out directly to the Lord. Because my brain rationalises things too often i.e. "I must pray for so-and-so because they asked me to" instead of letting a prayer arise out of sincerity e.g. "I feel so-and-so's need, and this is what I pray for them..." I feel it's an important difference. One of the reasons why I tend to prefer perfect silence when praying... :)

Ok going on to the Bible passage! Psalm 34:1-8. The moment I read the first few lines I got caught up in a song :D you'll see why:

At all times I will bless Him
His praise will be in my mouth
My soul makes its boast in the Lord
The humble men will hear Him
The afflicted will be glad
And join with me to magnify the Lord

Let us exalt His Name, together, forever
I sought the Lord, He heard me
And delivered me from my fears
Let us exalt His Name, together, forever
O sing His praises magnify the Lord

Another lovely old song :) We don't sing these often enough.

So the first thought was: Do I really bless the Lord at all times? And I was immediately led to try and bless and praise Him. The next verse goes: "my soul shall make its boast in the Lord", and I wonder what that means. The only thing I boast about is my Lord? Something to work towards, definitely. (Always a struggle for those involved in the arts, traditionally a bunch of activities more or less centred on the self as a creating being!) The next verse I see as a call: "Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name forever"! Very appropriate for communities of faith :)

This next part (v4-6) I see as very important -- one of the most important things in the Christian life. They are testimonies to God's wonderful salvation from fears and troubles! I used to wonder if testimonies and sharing really serve their purpose in our church service, but then I realised that these testimonies are also what gives people hope and encouragement to keep persevering, that the Lord will come and save you. Cerebrally, I've known this fact for quite awhile, but it took this set of verses to reach me personally :)

Another thing that particularly strikes me is "they looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed." This reminds me of what I've heard twice recently: "There is now no condemnation..." I don't remember the reference and all that, but it made a great impression on me somehow because lately I have become a bit bowed down with thoughts of guilt and inadequacy... But God just put a finger under my chin and whispered: "Look to Me and be radiant, child." To be radiant! To look up, and laugh, and love, and lift. And we are assured that God will save -- not just walk with you through your suffering as we keep being told He does, but also save us "out of all [your] troubles"! I think this aspect of God's salvation tends to be much less emphasised in church nowadays, perhaps because Christians are afraid that people seeking God will place all their hopes on miraculous salvations and then turn away from God in disappointment when it doesn't happen the way they want it to. But it's true! God's salvation can come both ways: alongside you in your trouble, but also save you out of your trouble! And why not, indeed? He is after all an Omnipotent and Almighty God, why should we restrict Him to only walking beside us in the valley of death and not consider the very real possibility that He could take us out of it altogether? :) It doesn't do to focus entirely on the miraculous happenings, of course, but neither should we neglect them entirely!

And finally. "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!" (Exclamation mark not mine :D) What this really reminds me of is that Hokkien song (I think?) that so joyfully invites people to believe in Jesus because He is good...

jin jia ho, lai xin ya soh
jin jia ho (jin jia ho!)
jin jia ho, lai xin ya soh
jin jia ho (jin jia ho!)
[a line that I can't catch the pronunciation :P but basically says "every day of the week"]
jin jia ho, lai xin ya soh
jin jia ho (jin jia ho!)

Had a taste lately? ;)

To remind myself:

If my life were like a car
I would give the key to Jesus
If my life were like a car
I would give the key to Jesus
Lord, turn on the engine
I'll roar for You
Drive me where You will
I trust my life to You