What IS it with dreams and exam period?? :P
Well at least it wasn't a disturbing dream (or not really, at any rate)... I don't remember much of it because I was woken up by the phone rather than waking up slowly by myself, but I do remember that it was a dream, and it was a nice one :)
I don't even remember how it started, or what happened in it... but I do remember that the church people were there, and somehow the VCF people too... and for some reason, even thought my mum has diabetes, our refrigerator was chock-ful of chocolate desserts and brownies and apple pies and desserts. :P (Did you ever hear that the way to reverse "stressed" is to have "desserts"? :P) Oh, and my crush was there too... maybe that's why it was a nice dream :$P
Still, I don't like dreams. It may be a bit ungrateful but I'm going to pray against dreams this exam period... I really need my rest :S
Friday, April 20, 2007
Sunday, March 04, 2007
We Love As Christ Loved Us
I love you more than words can say
I love you, be it night or day
I love you more than death can part
I love you right here in my heart.
I love you, be it night or day
I love you more than death can part
I love you right here in my heart.
Isn't this a pretty picture of my parents? :)
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
The Little Girl And The Gem
The Father turned His loving face to the little girl, shining with warmth.
"My daughter," He said, "I've been waiting."
The little girl looked up at Him, her eyes filled with tears. Tears of fear, fear of the unknown, dread of what the future might bring. At the same time she was afraid the Father might scold her for taking the gem before He had given it to her, punish her by taking her Treasure away, the unknown Treasure everybody had been telling her about since she was born. But there were also tears of joy... tears of obedience, for she knew that this choosing to give the gem back would show her Father that she loved and respected Him and gave Him full authority in her life. She stood there, trembling, wondering what would happen next.
The Father reached out... and hugged His little girl.
Over the Father's shoulder, the little girl saw a glass cupboard that hadn't been in the room before. In it was a velvet pillow that looked like it was meant to hold... could it be...?
The little girl looked at the Father questioningly, and He nodded gently at her. Then He took her hand and slowly, step by step, they crossed the floor to the glass cupboard. He opened the little glass door and looked again at His little girl with eyes of love. The little girl knew what she had to do.
She reached out and placed the gem carefully upon the velvet pillow. Then she watched as the Father closed the little glass door. And then the Father reached down and picked the little girl up into His arms... and together they watched the gem shine in the brilliance of the Father's light.
In the following days, the little girl would come often to her Father's room to look at the gem on its velvet pillow in the glass cupboard. She came to see her Father, of course, but the gem was an added motivation that drew her daily down that corridor to her Father's presence. Sometimes she watched the Father as He gently chiselled the gem or polished it... sometimes the Father let her have a hand too. But the little girl knew how clumsy her little fingers were, not like the Father's deft and skilful ones, so more often she gave it back to the Father to shape as He saw fit. Most of the time, though, she just sat and stared at the gem... watching it sparkle in the Father's light and watching her Father through the glass cupboard as He went about His work. She thought there was nothing so beautiful as these quiet periods of watching.
There were moments of great joy for the little girl... times when the Father would allow her to open the little glass door and touch the gem on its velvet pillow. "You cannot hold it yet," said the Father, "but that is only because you are such a very little girl still. When you have grown up, you will be given more freedom with the gem. So be patient and learn well, my little girl." The Father always ended this speech with a smile... and the little girl always clung on to that smile and held its warmth in her heart for the times when she was not directly in the Father's presence.
The little glass door of the glass cupboard was not kept locked... but the little girl knew she would never be so disobedient as to take the gem without asking, even though she could easily have the opportunity to do so, because she knew that such disobedience would break her Father's heart, and she would never want to do that. She also tried to prevent herself from opening the glass door too many times, even though the Father allowed her to, in order to look at the gem or touch it... because she knew that if she did, she might be tempted to take it and run away. Sometimes she was glad for the people that the Father had set to watch over her, like the Tutor and the Guardian and the Nanny, because they knew her well and could prevent her from going too close to the gem in case she got tempted. Although she often got angry at these people, she was grateful for them afterwards because she knew that they were carrying out the Father's will and helping her to do the same.
And so life carried on for the little girl, but her days seemed more coloured now because she met up daily with her Father and the gem was always in the glass cupboard for her to peek at, even if she had no time to sit and look at it everyday. Her tasks were as arduous and tiring as before, but now she strove at them with the added motivation of growing more in the Father's eyes, in order to be worthy of the gem. She had her falls and discouragements (after all, she was only a little girl), but the Father was always watching over her... and the thought of the gem waiting for her in its little glass cupboard was always sufficient to spur her on. And so the little girl carried on with her life, passing her days with hope and prayer. :)
Don't know if you would consider this an ending yet? :) There isn't a "happily-ever-after" or anything. But I felt I had to finish the story in some way :) And not cruelly leave people hanging on the cliff-hanger :P
Next up: The Race! :P
"My daughter," He said, "I've been waiting."
The little girl looked up at Him, her eyes filled with tears. Tears of fear, fear of the unknown, dread of what the future might bring. At the same time she was afraid the Father might scold her for taking the gem before He had given it to her, punish her by taking her Treasure away, the unknown Treasure everybody had been telling her about since she was born. But there were also tears of joy... tears of obedience, for she knew that this choosing to give the gem back would show her Father that she loved and respected Him and gave Him full authority in her life. She stood there, trembling, wondering what would happen next.
The Father reached out... and hugged His little girl.
Over the Father's shoulder, the little girl saw a glass cupboard that hadn't been in the room before. In it was a velvet pillow that looked like it was meant to hold... could it be...?
The little girl looked at the Father questioningly, and He nodded gently at her. Then He took her hand and slowly, step by step, they crossed the floor to the glass cupboard. He opened the little glass door and looked again at His little girl with eyes of love. The little girl knew what she had to do.
She reached out and placed the gem carefully upon the velvet pillow. Then she watched as the Father closed the little glass door. And then the Father reached down and picked the little girl up into His arms... and together they watched the gem shine in the brilliance of the Father's light.
In the following days, the little girl would come often to her Father's room to look at the gem on its velvet pillow in the glass cupboard. She came to see her Father, of course, but the gem was an added motivation that drew her daily down that corridor to her Father's presence. Sometimes she watched the Father as He gently chiselled the gem or polished it... sometimes the Father let her have a hand too. But the little girl knew how clumsy her little fingers were, not like the Father's deft and skilful ones, so more often she gave it back to the Father to shape as He saw fit. Most of the time, though, she just sat and stared at the gem... watching it sparkle in the Father's light and watching her Father through the glass cupboard as He went about His work. She thought there was nothing so beautiful as these quiet periods of watching.
There were moments of great joy for the little girl... times when the Father would allow her to open the little glass door and touch the gem on its velvet pillow. "You cannot hold it yet," said the Father, "but that is only because you are such a very little girl still. When you have grown up, you will be given more freedom with the gem. So be patient and learn well, my little girl." The Father always ended this speech with a smile... and the little girl always clung on to that smile and held its warmth in her heart for the times when she was not directly in the Father's presence.
The little glass door of the glass cupboard was not kept locked... but the little girl knew she would never be so disobedient as to take the gem without asking, even though she could easily have the opportunity to do so, because she knew that such disobedience would break her Father's heart, and she would never want to do that. She also tried to prevent herself from opening the glass door too many times, even though the Father allowed her to, in order to look at the gem or touch it... because she knew that if she did, she might be tempted to take it and run away. Sometimes she was glad for the people that the Father had set to watch over her, like the Tutor and the Guardian and the Nanny, because they knew her well and could prevent her from going too close to the gem in case she got tempted. Although she often got angry at these people, she was grateful for them afterwards because she knew that they were carrying out the Father's will and helping her to do the same.
And so life carried on for the little girl, but her days seemed more coloured now because she met up daily with her Father and the gem was always in the glass cupboard for her to peek at, even if she had no time to sit and look at it everyday. Her tasks were as arduous and tiring as before, but now she strove at them with the added motivation of growing more in the Father's eyes, in order to be worthy of the gem. She had her falls and discouragements (after all, she was only a little girl), but the Father was always watching over her... and the thought of the gem waiting for her in its little glass cupboard was always sufficient to spur her on. And so the little girl carried on with her life, passing her days with hope and prayer. :)
Don't know if you would consider this an ending yet? :) There isn't a "happily-ever-after" or anything. But I felt I had to finish the story in some way :) And not cruelly leave people hanging on the cliff-hanger :P
Next up: The Race! :P
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Exams And Dreams Again (grahhhh!)
(Heh I originally posted this on LJ. Then I remembered my blogger was MEANT for these kinds of dreams and songs things :P)
Was contemplating not blogging about this, because I couldn't really make head or tail of it... But for some reason I feel the need to share.
Last night (or early this morning) I had a dream... it started out I have no idea how, but eventually I was talking to Ryan as we were walking around some huge mall and we agreed to buy some stuff back to CG to play the "Props" game we modified from Whose Line Is It Anyway (:P), but after we had checked out the other floors... and the floor we were on actually looked quite interesting with many things lying around (I only remember clothes, but they were brightly-coloured, and I'm surprised coz my dreams aren't often that colourful -- I think). Then we went on to the higher floor, and it was this like garden market, some weird hybrid between a wet market and a supermarket (e.g., the lettuce were all wrapped up individually like they usually are at the supermarket but this was applied to the chickens and the meat and every other type of vegetable too, and the floor was still wet :P).
I can't remember how much of the dream I spent in that place, and the only part I remember after that is about my family in a car, and some ang moh guy with us who seemed to be a family friend, but not a close one. This wasn't even the car my family usually drives, it was some dark green angular thing. Anyway, the part I remember was when we'd stopped at this petrol kiosk for some reason or other and were pumping gas and for some reason we needed to pump water as well. (Suddenly I remember playing with the water pump in an earlier part of the dream. Or was it the gas pump? Like trying to squirt stuff out of it. I can't remember but it sounds dangerous 0_o) But at first there was only a trickle of water, and then there was no water at all. And I remember praying, but it was the sort of prayer you say automatically while waiting for the water to come out, and later when I looked at the prayer it felt like I had taken God for granted and was just like, "God the water's coming soon right?". So no water came out, and the family friend was like "Hah! So much for praying" and I was distressed on that account, and was walking around anxiously praying in my heart that he would come to see God... and at this point was where my Mum was saying "You know earlier on you might have been spraying gas droplets all over us" (which was why I thought I had played with the pump earlier or something).
Well they went to pay (I remember Mum asking Dad if he had an international passport so he could pay) and I went back to the pump to look at the hose again because I couldn't believe it would run out of whatever-it-was-supposed-to-have. When I jiggled the thing two attendants (who looked like policemen, incidentally 0_o) hurried up and asked me what I was trying to do. I explained about the shortage and they said "Oh yes we're having renovations" (or something like that) and I went back to explain to my family and for some reason that relieved them. And then one of the attendant-cum-policeman reassured us, and then out of the blue said something about prayer support. So he prayed for us right there next to the car and my Mum was with my brother and my Dad was praying with his hands on the car and I was praying with my hands on my Dad's shoulders. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that this other Singaporean lady that we somehow knew (for some reason I felt she was connected with the car too, perhaps some insurance agent or car agent or something) was also praying, and I "felt" (in the dream) that she was a Christian so that was expected, but surprisingly the ang moh family friend (who had found another ang moh to chat with) put his hands on the car and prayed too. 0_o I have weird dreams.
Well, anyway immediately after we prayed, I had this feeling of trust and surety in God, as if just now my prayer was a sham, frivolous one but now it was sincere and from the heart and I KNEW God would answer it. But before I could find out whether the prayer worked (I'm not even sure now what the prayer was for! :S), I woke up. Heh cliffhanger! :P
Well when I was properly awake and everything I told myself that should serve as a reminder to pray with sincerity instead of just saying words. *Nods*
Still feel sleepy gahhh. But that is my fault entirely. My thoughts are too dangerous to be left unchecked nowadays >.< Must submit them to God. Read today's article just now about a car accident that killed a pedestrian and critically injured another, and was suddenly moved to pray for protection for a friend and for my family. Can't wait for today (and next Wednesday) to be over :S
I REALLY don't know what I'm going to do after graduation. :S
This song has been running in my head this morning. Guess I really need God's forgiving grace >.<
Purify My Heart
Teach me Your ways
O Lord, my God
And I will walk in Your truth
Give me a totally
Undivided heart
That I may fear Your name
Purify my heart
Cleanse me Lord, I pray
Remove from me
All that is
Standing in the way
Purify my heart
Cleanse me Lord, I pray
Remove from me
All that is
Standing in the way
Of Your love
For some reason, I've always had the impression that the last line of the verse was "That I may seek Your face"... Also always thought that the 3rd-5th lines of the chorus were "Remove from me all burdens standing in the way". Well, I suppose those are covered in "all that is" as well :)
Dear God, You know right now I'm too distracted to really mean this song... But as it plays on and on in my heart and head, help me to eventually mean it and give my full attention to You okay? :S
Was contemplating not blogging about this, because I couldn't really make head or tail of it... But for some reason I feel the need to share.
Last night (or early this morning) I had a dream... it started out I have no idea how, but eventually I was talking to Ryan as we were walking around some huge mall and we agreed to buy some stuff back to CG to play the "Props" game we modified from Whose Line Is It Anyway (:P), but after we had checked out the other floors... and the floor we were on actually looked quite interesting with many things lying around (I only remember clothes, but they were brightly-coloured, and I'm surprised coz my dreams aren't often that colourful -- I think). Then we went on to the higher floor, and it was this like garden market, some weird hybrid between a wet market and a supermarket (e.g., the lettuce were all wrapped up individually like they usually are at the supermarket but this was applied to the chickens and the meat and every other type of vegetable too, and the floor was still wet :P).
I can't remember how much of the dream I spent in that place, and the only part I remember after that is about my family in a car, and some ang moh guy with us who seemed to be a family friend, but not a close one. This wasn't even the car my family usually drives, it was some dark green angular thing. Anyway, the part I remember was when we'd stopped at this petrol kiosk for some reason or other and were pumping gas and for some reason we needed to pump water as well. (Suddenly I remember playing with the water pump in an earlier part of the dream. Or was it the gas pump? Like trying to squirt stuff out of it. I can't remember but it sounds dangerous 0_o) But at first there was only a trickle of water, and then there was no water at all. And I remember praying, but it was the sort of prayer you say automatically while waiting for the water to come out, and later when I looked at the prayer it felt like I had taken God for granted and was just like, "God the water's coming soon right?". So no water came out, and the family friend was like "Hah! So much for praying" and I was distressed on that account, and was walking around anxiously praying in my heart that he would come to see God... and at this point was where my Mum was saying "You know earlier on you might have been spraying gas droplets all over us" (which was why I thought I had played with the pump earlier or something).
Well they went to pay (I remember Mum asking Dad if he had an international passport so he could pay) and I went back to the pump to look at the hose again because I couldn't believe it would run out of whatever-it-was-supposed-to-have. When I jiggled the thing two attendants (who looked like policemen, incidentally 0_o) hurried up and asked me what I was trying to do. I explained about the shortage and they said "Oh yes we're having renovations" (or something like that) and I went back to explain to my family and for some reason that relieved them. And then one of the attendant-cum-policeman reassured us, and then out of the blue said something about prayer support. So he prayed for us right there next to the car and my Mum was with my brother and my Dad was praying with his hands on the car and I was praying with my hands on my Dad's shoulders. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that this other Singaporean lady that we somehow knew (for some reason I felt she was connected with the car too, perhaps some insurance agent or car agent or something) was also praying, and I "felt" (in the dream) that she was a Christian so that was expected, but surprisingly the ang moh family friend (who had found another ang moh to chat with) put his hands on the car and prayed too. 0_o I have weird dreams.
Well, anyway immediately after we prayed, I had this feeling of trust and surety in God, as if just now my prayer was a sham, frivolous one but now it was sincere and from the heart and I KNEW God would answer it. But before I could find out whether the prayer worked (I'm not even sure now what the prayer was for! :S), I woke up. Heh cliffhanger! :P
Well when I was properly awake and everything I told myself that should serve as a reminder to pray with sincerity instead of just saying words. *Nods*
Still feel sleepy gahhh. But that is my fault entirely. My thoughts are too dangerous to be left unchecked nowadays >.< Must submit them to God. Read today's article just now about a car accident that killed a pedestrian and critically injured another, and was suddenly moved to pray for protection for a friend and for my family. Can't wait for today (and next Wednesday) to be over :S
I REALLY don't know what I'm going to do after graduation. :S
This song has been running in my head this morning. Guess I really need God's forgiving grace >.<
Purify My Heart
Teach me Your ways
O Lord, my God
And I will walk in Your truth
Give me a totally
Undivided heart
That I may fear Your name
Purify my heart
Cleanse me Lord, I pray
Remove from me
All that is
Standing in the way
Purify my heart
Cleanse me Lord, I pray
Remove from me
All that is
Standing in the way
Of Your love
For some reason, I've always had the impression that the last line of the verse was "That I may seek Your face"... Also always thought that the 3rd-5th lines of the chorus were "Remove from me all burdens standing in the way". Well, I suppose those are covered in "all that is" as well :)
Dear God, You know right now I'm too distracted to really mean this song... But as it plays on and on in my heart and head, help me to eventually mean it and give my full attention to You okay? :S
Friday, November 24, 2006
My Mama Said
Perhaps sometimes I do over-react emotionally.
Mum calmed me with just a few words today.
"My little girl is grown up now, she has to make her own decisions even though Mummy don't agree, and she has to face the consequences. It's all part of growing up right? In our family, we are so used to agreeing on many things, and that is very good, but we can't agree on everything... There is disagreement, but there is still love."
Thank you Mummy. Thank You God. :)
God, You're still the One I run to, the One that I belong to. :)
Mum calmed me with just a few words today.
"My little girl is grown up now, she has to make her own decisions even though Mummy don't agree, and she has to face the consequences. It's all part of growing up right? In our family, we are so used to agreeing on many things, and that is very good, but we can't agree on everything... There is disagreement, but there is still love."
Thank you Mummy. Thank You God. :)
God, You're still the One I run to, the One that I belong to. :)
Is precious in His eyes~
Give them all, give them all
Give them all to Jesus
-One last big essay (and the attendant tedious transcribing)
-Exams which are very near (and not yet studied for)
-Parental care manifested in the form of mild spoken dispproval
I am pressed, but not crushed. Persecuted, not abandoned. God holds me in His loving hands, and he is always there for me. What more can I ask for? In the midst of my trials I still call myself blessed.
One day, I will look back at this period of time and thank God for it. I will have forgotten the pain (like most human minds do) because it is so transitory. I will remember the joy. Because it is mine to remember, because "the joy of the Lord is my strength". And I will remember it from everlasting to everlasting, when I finally behold the beloved face of my Lord. Oh, what a day to look forward to! *bliss*
And there shall be no more tears. :)
Give them all to Jesus
-One last big essay (and the attendant tedious transcribing)
-Exams which are very near (and not yet studied for)
-Parental care manifested in the form of mild spoken dispproval
I am pressed, but not crushed. Persecuted, not abandoned. God holds me in His loving hands, and he is always there for me. What more can I ask for? In the midst of my trials I still call myself blessed.
One day, I will look back at this period of time and thank God for it. I will have forgotten the pain (like most human minds do) because it is so transitory. I will remember the joy. Because it is mine to remember, because "the joy of the Lord is my strength". And I will remember it from everlasting to everlasting, when I finally behold the beloved face of my Lord. Oh, what a day to look forward to! *bliss*
And there shall be no more tears. :)
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Every Tear You Cry Is Precious In His Eyes
I know I should be transcribing now. But Daddy just tossed me the book I asked him to buy off Doulos, Elizabeth Elliot's "Passion and Purity", and I curiously decided to flip through and see what it was all about...
And I haven't been able to stop crying since. Oh it's not like a soap opera or anything like that, and I haven't even read it seriously like every word and dwelled on it, but just flipping through like I did, God jumped out of the book every few pages and touched my heart so deeply, oh so deeply, I felt He was just speaking to my very heart again and again and again. I can see there is much to think and pray about there, many answers to questions I have been asking so far... and I can't wait for exams to be over so I can really concentrate on reading it and absorbing God's replies. :) It was just being answered so very directly through the words in the book that made me cry out of gladness, out of reassurance that God really is guiding us, directly and intimately.
Thank You for these tears, Lord. Thank You for this book. Thank You for the many people whom You have "conspired" with to bring me to this book, chief among them being Ade and Daddy (thank you to you two too. :P).
Thank You for Your love, without which how could humans ever feel alive? :)
Thank You God... for showing that You care. :')
(Going to transcribe now. What interesting ways God uses to wake one's mind up :P)
And I haven't been able to stop crying since. Oh it's not like a soap opera or anything like that, and I haven't even read it seriously like every word and dwelled on it, but just flipping through like I did, God jumped out of the book every few pages and touched my heart so deeply, oh so deeply, I felt He was just speaking to my very heart again and again and again. I can see there is much to think and pray about there, many answers to questions I have been asking so far... and I can't wait for exams to be over so I can really concentrate on reading it and absorbing God's replies. :) It was just being answered so very directly through the words in the book that made me cry out of gladness, out of reassurance that God really is guiding us, directly and intimately.
Thank You for these tears, Lord. Thank You for this book. Thank You for the many people whom You have "conspired" with to bring me to this book, chief among them being Ade and Daddy (thank you to you two too. :P).
Thank You for Your love, without which how could humans ever feel alive? :)
Thank You God... for showing that You care. :')
(Going to transcribe now. What interesting ways God uses to wake one's mind up :P)
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Lunch Post :P
Okay I can't let the QT postings pile up too long, else I'll get a list as long as the uncapitalised one below :P
Sunday's QT:
Okay I shan't cheat by pretending I read the Bible passage, because I didn't :S Well it WAS a Sunday, after all, which generally means a surfeit of Bible passages/verses. Hee. (Will put up sermon insights... sometime. :P) But here's a verse from the passage that DID catch me now I read it.
Philippians 2:14 Do all things without murmuring and disputing,
(And I was like "Oops! Sorry God for all my complaining about schoolwork :S")
The sharing story was about how some church member praised the church caretaker for his faithful job of keeping the church sparkling clean, and the caretaker replied: "I love my work. And when I go to heaven, I hope to have a job just like this." The church member was stunned at his reaction (and so was I! :S) and went on to ponder: "It was a tedious job that didn't pay a lot. Yet he was cleaning with the joy of the Lord in his heart, saying he hoped to have 'a job just like this' in heaven. ...Could I take a menial job and find joy in serving?"
And that question has struck me too. Could I?
That reminds me of my mum and how she faithfully does all the housework, ALL, without complaining. And of how I really should be starting to help her out much more than washing dishes twice a week. :S
Monday's QT:
Psalm 109:26-27 Help me, O Lord my God! Oh, save me according to Your mercy, that they may know that this is Your hand-- that You, Lord, have done it! (I assume "done it" here means "saved me" :P)
Psalm 109:29 Let my accusers be clothed with shame, and let them cover themselves with their own disgrace as with a mantle. (I bring this up because it reminds me of the point in the sermon about "putting on" various virtues like pieces of clothing -- this seems to be the same though pointing in the other direction :P)
Psalm 109:30 I will greatly praise the Lord with my mouth; yes, I will praise Him among the multitude. (This is an answer to anybody who ever asks me whether I feel I am shoving my faith in the face of people too much by talking about Christian/church stuff, or blogging about God all the time. If my God is so great, can He be hidden in the private recesses of one's life? Should He not be proclaimed all the time, in every way? I will not insist that you believe in Him right now, but neither will I accept it if you tell me to stop talking about Him. I can't. "Can't stop talking 'bout everything He's done / He's the best thing happened since the world begun" :D)
Today's QT!
I am continually amused by how God uses my Bible's lack of the book of Luke to point me to interesting things nonetheless. Everything I've had to refer to Luke for has been a story, and seeing as I'm using the New Living Translation for these Luke excursions it seems particularly apt :P
Luke 9:10-17
It's the story of Jesus feeding the... well it doesn't say here how many. But a huge multitude of people fed with just 5 loaves and 2 fish, and with 12 baskets left over too. This really reminded me of something I read on Ade's blog just a day or so ago:
(Again, from Elizabeth Elliot's "Passion and Purity" :P)
One morning I was reading the story of Jesus' feeding of the five thousand. The disciples could find only five loaves of bread and two fishes. "Let me have them," said Jesus. He asked for all. He took them, said the blessing, and broke them before He gave them out. I remembered what a chapel speaker, Ruth Stull from Peru, had said: "If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."
Been thinking about that part I bolded, and wondering if God was trying to speak to me through it. I did blog about something like that before, about sharing love with people who need it and don't get it (like the socially ostracised) rather than reserving it for that One Special Person because so many more people are blessed that way. But as I thought and prayed and tried to imagine it in my mind's eye, I remembered that it's not a win-lose situation. It's not that the little lad whose lunch was taken to feed the crowd had to forego his lunch in order that the crowd be fed. Jesus asked for food, the lad offered his lunch, Jesus asked the Father's blessing and broke it in pieces and gave it out, and the lad was one of the 5000 who was fed to the full. In other words, as I see it, it's not that you have to deny yourself of something forever in order that others be filled, but that you give it over to God to handle, and He multiplies it by His grace such that not only others are filled, but you are too. His grace is sufficient... for everybody, including yourself.
And I think... if I (in the guise of lunch :P) hadn't been given to a little lad, I might have only been serving my own family of fishermen, perhaps an entire village of friends and acquaintances, and some strangers passing through. The wise Mother up there (God is both our Mother and our Father, if Henri Nouwen is to be believed :D) gave me to a little lad, and if he had kept me to himself, I might only have fed a few more of his buddies, maybe another family and village if he was generous (my metaphor's getting fuzzy here). But this little lad placed me in God's hands, and now Jesus can use me to feed a multitude of family, friends, strangers beyond count, and people who may not yet even be in the world... none of which could have happened if I had remained lunch at home, and not been given to the little lad.
Does that sound crazy? :D I admit I might have overstretched the metaphor. But it was a sudden inspiration upon reading the story. :P
Oh another thing that struck me about the passage was that Jesus asked God's blessing on the food. Was thinking about how my family says Grace before meals and the focus seems to be slightly different... We often thank God for the food. Dad will say "please help it to bless our bodies" and we do follow him sometimes, but it doesn't crop up as often as "thank You for the food on the table and mummy for cooking it". I wonder if it's time to pay a bit more attention to the blessing part, particularly as my parents begin to age gracefully? :P
The QT sharing did touch me too though, it was about a bunch of teens who used the church lawn for hanging out and were unpopular among church members because of their habit of leaving litter on the lawn. One day a church member spoke to them kindly instead of scolding and invited them to join the church youth for pizza and games. The church youth followed up the invitation and some of them did join in eventually. the sharing ended with "Inviting those outside the church to come in -- isn't that what being the Lord's people is all about?" And I quite agree! :) Now if only I could muster up the courage to put that into practice... (Thinking of a certain S. Not the little girl I talked about before. Wondering and praying. Draw her to You, dear Lord.)
Other sentences from the sharing that drive home the point :P
"Lord, help us to welcome those who are not wanted, those who are displaced, those who don't quite fit in. May we reach out to offer friendship and spiritual nourishment and draw people into Your house. Amen."
"Most people need an invitation to get them to come to church."
A song I've always quite liked (reminded of it also through Ade's blog :P)
As bread that is broken, use our lives
As wine that is poured out, a willing sacrifice
Empower us Father, to share the love of Christ
As bread that is broken, Lord, use our lives
Sunday's QT:
Okay I shan't cheat by pretending I read the Bible passage, because I didn't :S Well it WAS a Sunday, after all, which generally means a surfeit of Bible passages/verses. Hee. (Will put up sermon insights... sometime. :P) But here's a verse from the passage that DID catch me now I read it.
Philippians 2:14 Do all things without murmuring and disputing,
(And I was like "Oops! Sorry God for all my complaining about schoolwork :S")
The sharing story was about how some church member praised the church caretaker for his faithful job of keeping the church sparkling clean, and the caretaker replied: "I love my work. And when I go to heaven, I hope to have a job just like this." The church member was stunned at his reaction (and so was I! :S) and went on to ponder: "It was a tedious job that didn't pay a lot. Yet he was cleaning with the joy of the Lord in his heart, saying he hoped to have 'a job just like this' in heaven. ...Could I take a menial job and find joy in serving?"
And that question has struck me too. Could I?
That reminds me of my mum and how she faithfully does all the housework, ALL, without complaining. And of how I really should be starting to help her out much more than washing dishes twice a week. :S
Monday's QT:
Psalm 109:26-27 Help me, O Lord my God! Oh, save me according to Your mercy, that they may know that this is Your hand-- that You, Lord, have done it! (I assume "done it" here means "saved me" :P)
Psalm 109:29 Let my accusers be clothed with shame, and let them cover themselves with their own disgrace as with a mantle. (I bring this up because it reminds me of the point in the sermon about "putting on" various virtues like pieces of clothing -- this seems to be the same though pointing in the other direction :P)
Psalm 109:30 I will greatly praise the Lord with my mouth; yes, I will praise Him among the multitude. (This is an answer to anybody who ever asks me whether I feel I am shoving my faith in the face of people too much by talking about Christian/church stuff, or blogging about God all the time. If my God is so great, can He be hidden in the private recesses of one's life? Should He not be proclaimed all the time, in every way? I will not insist that you believe in Him right now, but neither will I accept it if you tell me to stop talking about Him. I can't. "Can't stop talking 'bout everything He's done / He's the best thing happened since the world begun" :D)
Today's QT!
I am continually amused by how God uses my Bible's lack of the book of Luke to point me to interesting things nonetheless. Everything I've had to refer to Luke for has been a story, and seeing as I'm using the New Living Translation for these Luke excursions it seems particularly apt :P
Luke 9:10-17
It's the story of Jesus feeding the... well it doesn't say here how many. But a huge multitude of people fed with just 5 loaves and 2 fish, and with 12 baskets left over too. This really reminded me of something I read on Ade's blog just a day or so ago:
(Again, from Elizabeth Elliot's "Passion and Purity" :P)
One morning I was reading the story of Jesus' feeding of the five thousand. The disciples could find only five loaves of bread and two fishes. "Let me have them," said Jesus. He asked for all. He took them, said the blessing, and broke them before He gave them out. I remembered what a chapel speaker, Ruth Stull from Peru, had said: "If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."
Been thinking about that part I bolded, and wondering if God was trying to speak to me through it. I did blog about something like that before, about sharing love with people who need it and don't get it (like the socially ostracised) rather than reserving it for that One Special Person because so many more people are blessed that way. But as I thought and prayed and tried to imagine it in my mind's eye, I remembered that it's not a win-lose situation. It's not that the little lad whose lunch was taken to feed the crowd had to forego his lunch in order that the crowd be fed. Jesus asked for food, the lad offered his lunch, Jesus asked the Father's blessing and broke it in pieces and gave it out, and the lad was one of the 5000 who was fed to the full. In other words, as I see it, it's not that you have to deny yourself of something forever in order that others be filled, but that you give it over to God to handle, and He multiplies it by His grace such that not only others are filled, but you are too. His grace is sufficient... for everybody, including yourself.
And I think... if I (in the guise of lunch :P) hadn't been given to a little lad, I might have only been serving my own family of fishermen, perhaps an entire village of friends and acquaintances, and some strangers passing through. The wise Mother up there (God is both our Mother and our Father, if Henri Nouwen is to be believed :D) gave me to a little lad, and if he had kept me to himself, I might only have fed a few more of his buddies, maybe another family and village if he was generous (my metaphor's getting fuzzy here). But this little lad placed me in God's hands, and now Jesus can use me to feed a multitude of family, friends, strangers beyond count, and people who may not yet even be in the world... none of which could have happened if I had remained lunch at home, and not been given to the little lad.
Does that sound crazy? :D I admit I might have overstretched the metaphor. But it was a sudden inspiration upon reading the story. :P
Oh another thing that struck me about the passage was that Jesus asked God's blessing on the food. Was thinking about how my family says Grace before meals and the focus seems to be slightly different... We often thank God for the food. Dad will say "please help it to bless our bodies" and we do follow him sometimes, but it doesn't crop up as often as "thank You for the food on the table and mummy for cooking it". I wonder if it's time to pay a bit more attention to the blessing part, particularly as my parents begin to age gracefully? :P
The QT sharing did touch me too though, it was about a bunch of teens who used the church lawn for hanging out and were unpopular among church members because of their habit of leaving litter on the lawn. One day a church member spoke to them kindly instead of scolding and invited them to join the church youth for pizza and games. The church youth followed up the invitation and some of them did join in eventually. the sharing ended with "Inviting those outside the church to come in -- isn't that what being the Lord's people is all about?" And I quite agree! :) Now if only I could muster up the courage to put that into practice... (Thinking of a certain S. Not the little girl I talked about before. Wondering and praying. Draw her to You, dear Lord.)
Other sentences from the sharing that drive home the point :P
"Lord, help us to welcome those who are not wanted, those who are displaced, those who don't quite fit in. May we reach out to offer friendship and spiritual nourishment and draw people into Your house. Amen."
"Most people need an invitation to get them to come to church."
A song I've always quite liked (reminded of it also through Ade's blog :P)
As bread that is broken, use our lives
As wine that is poured out, a willing sacrifice
Empower us Father, to share the love of Christ
As bread that is broken, Lord, use our lives
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Sing, Sing A Song
Or two :) I was supposed to post a story but I'll do it tomorrow, I think. Supposed to be working on my assignment now but feel type-y. :P As this will be a songpost first and foremost, other non-song insights may be subsumed... or maybe I shall just type them later when I feel like it. :P ("It's My Blog")
Yesterday I was thinking about some Mandarin Christian songs for a friend's mum. This morning my dad was whistling one of them. I *break out into huge grin* :D
shen ming you xian
shi guang ye hui zhou
ru guo ni bu zhen xi
ji hui nan liu
li wu sui ran hao
ru guo ni bu yao
ni ze me neng gou de dao
ze me neng de dao
(Pardon my horrible hanyu pinyin. It sounds a lot better than it looks here, honestly. :P)
Last night I posted about "My peace I give unto you". This afternoon at Contemporary Worship we sang it. 0_o Isn't God cool :D
Also during Contemporary Worship, we sang Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace. I was sortof adding that into my prayer yesterday, so it was a nice surprise :)
Make me a channel of Your peace
Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love
Where there is injury, Your pardon, Lord
And where there's doubt, true faith in You.
Make me a channel of Your peace
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there's sadness, ever joy.
O Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul.
Make me a channel of Your peace
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
In giving of ourselves that we receive
And in dying that we're born to eternal life.
And we also sang Still. It's a beautiful song at any time (it's one of my favourite "cry to the Lord" songs :P) but I was looking at the lyrics and re-appreciating them in the context of my flood of stress and emotions this past week, and how God has shown time and time again (at least 5 times this week, I am certain :P) that He has control over everything, EVERYTHING, even things I think are nearly impossible. And this one line struck me: "I will be still / Know You are God". I think partly this struck me because I was telling a dear friend yesterday that I think when I get to God's throne I will just have started to comprehend God's awesome goodness and glory, and this comprehension will probably take forever to fully finish dawning so I might just be standing there gazing at God in awe forever. :P Well, nobody can predict what we'll really do when we get there. But to me these two lines of lyrics just express the spirit of that image so well. Also, they're good reminders that I haven't exactly been very still the past week. A bit hard to do so in the harried pace of life, at least here in Singapore! But well, as said in the sermon today, "Hurry is the key enemy of tenderness" and I think so too. :)
Anyway since I'm talking so much about yesterday I might as well blog about it too. :P Ever since yesterday's worship practice I've been loving Shepherd Of My Soul.
Shepherd of my soul
I give You full control
Wherever You may lead
I will follow
I have made the choice
To listen for Your voice
Wherever You may lead
I will go
Be it in a quiet pasture
Or by a gentle stream
The Shepherd of my soul
Is by my side
Though I face a mighty mountain
Or a valley dark and deep
The Shepherd of my soul
Will be my guide
For Offertory, we sang one of my favourite ever songs (Adrian knows this one :P), This World Is Not My Home. I used to like it coz of its expressed desire for Heaven and it's the kind of song that catches the kid in me, but when I actually went to go find and memorise the other verses I realised just how very meaningful it is.
This world is not my home
I'm just a-passin' through
My treasures are laid up
Somewhere beyond the blue
The angels beckon me
From Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore
Chorus:
O Lord, You know
I have no friend like You
If Heaven's not my home
Then Lord what would I do
The Saviour beckons me
From Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore
They're all expecting me
And that's one thing I know
My Saviour pardoned me
And now I onward go
I know He'll take me through
Though I am weak and poor
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore
There's a third verse but nevermind. :P Also maybe one of the reasons I was reminded of S yesterday was that I taught her to sing Did You Ever Talk To God Above so that she wouldn't be lonely because she would have God as her Friend... And I saw how much she clung and clung to that song on the last day.
Did you ever talk to God above
Tell Him that you need a friend to love
Pray in Jesus' name believing that
God answers prayer
Have you told Him all your cares and woes
Every tiny little fear He knows
You can know He'll always hear
And He will answer prayer
You can whisper in a crowd to Him
You can cry when you're alone, to Him
You don't have to pray out loud to Him
He knows your thoughts
On a lofty mountain peak, He's there
In a meadow by a stream, He's there
Anywhere on earth You go
He's been there from the start
Find the answer in His word, it's true
You'll be strong because He walks with you
By His faithfulness He'll change you, too
God answers prayer.
I truly believe that my childhood and upbringing has had a great impact in founding my life on the Solid Rock of Christ Jesus :) I may seem childish at times but it is returning again and again to these simple songs -- simple in the sense that they are not complicated, easy to sing and to cling to, and simple in their expression of faith and great truth -- that I find my faith is made ever-stronger through trials. "With faith Like A Child", anyone? :P
To end this really long songpost (:P), I think I'll put up the lyrics of He Never Sleeps by Don Moen. I first heard this song at FOP this year (the more worshipful second half that I liked :P) and I bought the Hiding Place CD hoping it would have it, and also because I fell in love with the title song. I can't remember now whether the CD had this song, because I can't find the CD. *sad* And one day I want to go and get his Thank You Lord CD too. I am really inspired by Don Moen's example as a songwriter and worship leader, really. But anyways yeah I mention this song because I heard it on the way home in a friend's car today, and found that it speaks to me in the way that I was looking for when I said I wanted a song about how "God is faithful, even when I am faithless". :)
When you've prayed every prayer that you know how to pray
Just remember the Lord will hear and the answer is on it's way
Our God is able
He is mighty
He is faithful
And He never sleeps, He never slumbers
He never tires of hearing our prayer
When we are weak He becomes stronger
So rest in His love
And cast all of your cares
On Him
Do you feel that the Lord has forgotten your need
Just remember that God is always working in ways you cannot see
Another reason why I really like this song is that it has a really nice piano intro. :)
Yesterday I was thinking about some Mandarin Christian songs for a friend's mum. This morning my dad was whistling one of them. I *break out into huge grin* :D
shen ming you xian
shi guang ye hui zhou
ru guo ni bu zhen xi
ji hui nan liu
li wu sui ran hao
ru guo ni bu yao
ni ze me neng gou de dao
ze me neng de dao
(Pardon my horrible hanyu pinyin. It sounds a lot better than it looks here, honestly. :P)
Last night I posted about "My peace I give unto you". This afternoon at Contemporary Worship we sang it. 0_o Isn't God cool :D
Also during Contemporary Worship, we sang Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace. I was sortof adding that into my prayer yesterday, so it was a nice surprise :)
Make me a channel of Your peace
Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love
Where there is injury, Your pardon, Lord
And where there's doubt, true faith in You.
Make me a channel of Your peace
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there's sadness, ever joy.
O Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul.
Make me a channel of Your peace
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
In giving of ourselves that we receive
And in dying that we're born to eternal life.
And we also sang Still. It's a beautiful song at any time (it's one of my favourite "cry to the Lord" songs :P) but I was looking at the lyrics and re-appreciating them in the context of my flood of stress and emotions this past week, and how God has shown time and time again (at least 5 times this week, I am certain :P) that He has control over everything, EVERYTHING, even things I think are nearly impossible. And this one line struck me: "I will be still / Know You are God". I think partly this struck me because I was telling a dear friend yesterday that I think when I get to God's throne I will just have started to comprehend God's awesome goodness and glory, and this comprehension will probably take forever to fully finish dawning so I might just be standing there gazing at God in awe forever. :P Well, nobody can predict what we'll really do when we get there. But to me these two lines of lyrics just express the spirit of that image so well. Also, they're good reminders that I haven't exactly been very still the past week. A bit hard to do so in the harried pace of life, at least here in Singapore! But well, as said in the sermon today, "Hurry is the key enemy of tenderness" and I think so too. :)
Anyway since I'm talking so much about yesterday I might as well blog about it too. :P Ever since yesterday's worship practice I've been loving Shepherd Of My Soul.
Shepherd of my soul
I give You full control
Wherever You may lead
I will follow
I have made the choice
To listen for Your voice
Wherever You may lead
I will go
Be it in a quiet pasture
Or by a gentle stream
The Shepherd of my soul
Is by my side
Though I face a mighty mountain
Or a valley dark and deep
The Shepherd of my soul
Will be my guide
For Offertory, we sang one of my favourite ever songs (Adrian knows this one :P), This World Is Not My Home. I used to like it coz of its expressed desire for Heaven and it's the kind of song that catches the kid in me, but when I actually went to go find and memorise the other verses I realised just how very meaningful it is.
This world is not my home
I'm just a-passin' through
My treasures are laid up
Somewhere beyond the blue
The angels beckon me
From Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore
Chorus:
O Lord, You know
I have no friend like You
If Heaven's not my home
Then Lord what would I do
The Saviour beckons me
From Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore
They're all expecting me
And that's one thing I know
My Saviour pardoned me
And now I onward go
I know He'll take me through
Though I am weak and poor
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore
There's a third verse but nevermind. :P Also maybe one of the reasons I was reminded of S yesterday was that I taught her to sing Did You Ever Talk To God Above so that she wouldn't be lonely because she would have God as her Friend... And I saw how much she clung and clung to that song on the last day.
Did you ever talk to God above
Tell Him that you need a friend to love
Pray in Jesus' name believing that
God answers prayer
Have you told Him all your cares and woes
Every tiny little fear He knows
You can know He'll always hear
And He will answer prayer
You can whisper in a crowd to Him
You can cry when you're alone, to Him
You don't have to pray out loud to Him
He knows your thoughts
On a lofty mountain peak, He's there
In a meadow by a stream, He's there
Anywhere on earth You go
He's been there from the start
Find the answer in His word, it's true
You'll be strong because He walks with you
By His faithfulness He'll change you, too
God answers prayer.
I truly believe that my childhood and upbringing has had a great impact in founding my life on the Solid Rock of Christ Jesus :) I may seem childish at times but it is returning again and again to these simple songs -- simple in the sense that they are not complicated, easy to sing and to cling to, and simple in their expression of faith and great truth -- that I find my faith is made ever-stronger through trials. "With faith Like A Child", anyone? :P
To end this really long songpost (:P), I think I'll put up the lyrics of He Never Sleeps by Don Moen. I first heard this song at FOP this year (the more worshipful second half that I liked :P) and I bought the Hiding Place CD hoping it would have it, and also because I fell in love with the title song. I can't remember now whether the CD had this song, because I can't find the CD. *sad* And one day I want to go and get his Thank You Lord CD too. I am really inspired by Don Moen's example as a songwriter and worship leader, really. But anyways yeah I mention this song because I heard it on the way home in a friend's car today, and found that it speaks to me in the way that I was looking for when I said I wanted a song about how "God is faithful, even when I am faithless". :)
When you've prayed every prayer that you know how to pray
Just remember the Lord will hear and the answer is on it's way
Our God is able
He is mighty
He is faithful
And He never sleeps, He never slumbers
He never tires of hearing our prayer
When we are weak He becomes stronger
So rest in His love
And cast all of your cares
On Him
Do you feel that the Lord has forgotten your need
Just remember that God is always working in ways you cannot see
Another reason why I really like this song is that it has a really nice piano intro. :)
How Will The Story End?
It's been awhile since I wrote that story :) And I thought I should update.
The thing is that there really isn't an end to the story... yet. The ending's different for everyone. And I really don't mean that in a postmodernist "it's all up to individual opinion" kinda thing, nor is it meant to be an artsy "it's in your hands, you finish the script however you want, art for the masses!" type of thing. It doesn't have an end because the story has not ended. It is still going on, and it will still be going on until something happens to the little girl that can be written into the story. But in the meantime it's still a long corridor she's walking down (I did mention it was a long corridor right?) and she still has to wait for her Father's answer and frankly, I don't think the answer is all that necessary right now.
Heh that seems quite different from the tone of urgency in the story right? Well I think God has been speaking to me through various people these past few days... and I think I'm getting a sense of what it means to just trust and let go. To not think too much and trust in God that He will continue to guide us in everything we do. It's a new concept I'm trying to get my head around because for the first time I see that "maybe you don't Need To Know in order to live it out" but I know it's possible because I see that someone can have peace even under such circumstances. And oh, such peace!
My peace I give unto you
It's a peace that the world cannot give
It's a peace that the world cannot understand
Peace to know, peace to live
My peace I give unto you
I remember singing that to the kid I counselled back in last year's camp... I was trying to sing her to sleep. And she really did calm down and fall asleep! I've been reminded of her these past few days, I think I shall pray for her. I always remember that last night when she clung to me and I was told by the helper to leave her (they were practising the painful but necessary step of gradual distancing) and I just went to the counsellors' room and curled up and cried. I think I was the only one who cried and I think I shocked all of them. But I really did love her like the little sister I never had... And I should continue to pray for her more regularly as the sister-in-Christ that I shall probably never see again in my lifetime, until we meet before God's throne. Sweet little S... I hope you grow into a strong and lovely woman of God. :)
Oh yeah so anyway as I was saying... Maybe it's a story that doesn't need to be finished quite so soon. But that's only my feeling about it :) For many other little girls out there, their feelings and the Father's answer to them can be very very different. And the only way to know how the story ends... is to go back to the Author and Finisher of our faith (and our stories :P). :)
Another story waiting in the wings though :) To be written when I'm not so stressed about assignments >.< But I will not be over-stressed, because God is good, all the time. :)
I couldn't think of a song about God being faithful even while we are faithless... so maybe I will write one someday, God willing. :)
The thing is that there really isn't an end to the story... yet. The ending's different for everyone. And I really don't mean that in a postmodernist "it's all up to individual opinion" kinda thing, nor is it meant to be an artsy "it's in your hands, you finish the script however you want, art for the masses!" type of thing. It doesn't have an end because the story has not ended. It is still going on, and it will still be going on until something happens to the little girl that can be written into the story. But in the meantime it's still a long corridor she's walking down (I did mention it was a long corridor right?) and she still has to wait for her Father's answer and frankly, I don't think the answer is all that necessary right now.
Heh that seems quite different from the tone of urgency in the story right? Well I think God has been speaking to me through various people these past few days... and I think I'm getting a sense of what it means to just trust and let go. To not think too much and trust in God that He will continue to guide us in everything we do. It's a new concept I'm trying to get my head around because for the first time I see that "maybe you don't Need To Know in order to live it out" but I know it's possible because I see that someone can have peace even under such circumstances. And oh, such peace!
My peace I give unto you
It's a peace that the world cannot give
It's a peace that the world cannot understand
Peace to know, peace to live
My peace I give unto you
I remember singing that to the kid I counselled back in last year's camp... I was trying to sing her to sleep. And she really did calm down and fall asleep! I've been reminded of her these past few days, I think I shall pray for her. I always remember that last night when she clung to me and I was told by the helper to leave her (they were practising the painful but necessary step of gradual distancing) and I just went to the counsellors' room and curled up and cried. I think I was the only one who cried and I think I shocked all of them. But I really did love her like the little sister I never had... And I should continue to pray for her more regularly as the sister-in-Christ that I shall probably never see again in my lifetime, until we meet before God's throne. Sweet little S... I hope you grow into a strong and lovely woman of God. :)
Oh yeah so anyway as I was saying... Maybe it's a story that doesn't need to be finished quite so soon. But that's only my feeling about it :) For many other little girls out there, their feelings and the Father's answer to them can be very very different. And the only way to know how the story ends... is to go back to the Author and Finisher of our faith (and our stories :P). :)
Another story waiting in the wings though :) To be written when I'm not so stressed about assignments >.< But I will not be over-stressed, because God is good, all the time. :)
I couldn't think of a song about God being faithful even while we are faithless... so maybe I will write one someday, God willing. :)
Monday, November 13, 2006
God Will Make A Way
Can I share a story?
Once upon a time, there was a Father. This Father owned lots and lots of land and property and had a thriving business. He had a little girl whom He loved very dearly and He would make time for her anytime she wanted, but He also knew that she would be overwhelmed by His power and the honour that others gave to Him if He were to keep her by His side all the time.
So He designated a pretty little cottage in a peaceful sunny field for her to live in, and would come and visit her from time to time. The Father appointed many people to help take care of His little girl; a Nanny and a Guardian and a Tutor and many, many other people who helped to keep the world of the little girl warm and sunshiny. The little girl had everything she needed and sometimes was even given a little more sweets than were strictly necessary, because the Father loved her so much and wanted her to be happy.
Ever since this little girl could remember, all the people around her told her of a Treasure the Father was reserving for her. It was told to her when her hair was being brushed; it was sung to her as she swung on swings in the sunshine; it was whispered to her as a lullaby before she fell asleep at night. Nobody knew what this Treasure was, only they knew it would be given to her in due time, and that it was absolutely certain that it would be given to her one day. But this made the little girl wonder and wonder about it as she ran about day by day, and the leaves on the trees in the little wood nearby whispered many things to her as she played next to it. None of these leaf-whisperings were true, but the impatient little girl clung onto them because she wanted so much to know what it was.
Now everyday the Father would want to come and be with His little girl, but being only a very young and restless little girl, she would often forget to meet Him, or despise her homework and run away to play and forget about meeting Him, or only stay a few minutes before she would get fidgety and run out of the room. But when she did remember, she would love that time spent with her Father, because He was loving and firm and helped her to grow just that little bit bigger than she was before. Yet the fickle little girl often forgot this wonderful time spent with her Father and ran about her own business, avoiding her homework as much as she could even though she knew it was good for her.
One day, the little girl came across a room on which there was a sign saying "Do Not Look", but being an incurably curious as well as disobedient little girl, she pushed open the door a little way and peeked in. There she saw her Father against a bright light, and He was standing in front of a velvet box labelled "For My little girl" which was wide open. In one hand He held a sparkling gem, and the brilliance of that gem caught the little girl's breath and took it right away. It was so beautiful, that gem, and the little girl wanted it very, very badly. She tried to pull herself away from the door because she knew she should not have been so sneaky, but her eyes had been caught by the sparkling gem and by her own will she could not turn away. She tried to go no further than the door, but the more she stood there the less she could control her feet. All the while the Father stood there gazing lovingly at the gem in His hand.
Suddenly, the little girl could take it no more. She dashed forward and grabbed the gem from the Father's hand, and without waiting for Him to say a word, she ran away to her hidey-hole to hold the gem up to her face and look at it closely. Away from the Father's light, the gem shone less brilliantly, but it was no less beautiful and the little girl admired it very much. Maybe, she thought, this was the Treasure! It was very, very precious to her and from that day on she vowed not to let it out of her possession.
The Nanny and the Guardian and the Tutor and all the other people who heard about what the little girl had done came to try and persuade her to return the gem, but she refused. After all, hadn't the Father meant to give it to her? She was sure He had taken it out of that box and it was going to be for her, so why shouldn't she have it? Besides, the Father never told her to give it back, not even when she met up with Him in the days afterward. So no matter how much they scolded her and tried to punish her, she believed that the Father meant for her to have it and she held onto it tightly because it was the first thing that had meant so much to her. It was her Treasure, after all! What right did they have to take it away from her? Besides its great beauty, it held the Father's love for her, and so it was very very precious to her.
But gradually she began to remember the sign on the door, and that she had disobeyed it. She also realised that she had vaguely seen other boxes around, that might not have had her name on them. Couldn't the Father have meant this gem for someone else? And might she be stealing this gem from someone else? The little girl was torn, because the gem was so precious to her but at the same time she could see how precious it would be to someone else. It would be terribly unfair of her to keep it away from that someone else.
Slowly the little girl remembered other details of the scene. She remembered that as she dashed forward to grab the gem, she had seen in the Father's other hand a chisel, held as if it was about to keep shaping the gem. She looked at the gem and thought that it looked beautiful as it was, but she knew that the Father's taste was much better than hers and if He was going to continue shaping the gem, it would turn out more beautiful than before, perhaps the most beautiful gem in the world. By taking it away, she might have interrupted the Father's work! How could she, a mere little girl, do that to her almighty and ever-loving Father?
At this thought, the little girl could stand it no more. She took the precious sparkling gem from her hiding place, and made a decision that she would return it to her Father. The decision was very painful because the gem was so very precious to her and it had made her so happy for a few precious days. But she knew that she would have no peace until she knew what the Father wanted to do with the gem.
And so she went, step after painful step, down the hallway to the room where she knew her Father would always meet her, no matter what time of the day it was. "When I get before my Father," she thought, "I will open my palms and hold the gem up to Him and tell Him that I am sorry I snatched it from Him that day. Maybe He will tell me this gem is not for me and take it away, and that He has something else for me that is the true Treasure I am supposed to have. I will be very sad, but I will know that I am doing what my Father pleases. Maybe He will tell me that it's okay and that He meant for me to have the gem soon anyway so I can keep the gem now. I will be very happy, and I will be happy that I am doing what my Father wants. Maybe He will tell me that yes, this is the Treasure for me, but because He is not done chiselling it yet, He will take the gem back for now and I will have to be patient and wait until He is done with it. But whatever He does, I have to remember that this gem belongs to my Father and it is only mine if He makes a gift of it to me. And I must not allow my fingers to tighten around the gem if He is going to take it away. I must give it up to Him entirely, because He knows what is best for me."
And so the little girl goes, step by painful step, down that long hallway to the room where she is to meet her Dad. And she prays, fervently, for the strength to open her fingers one by one in order to offer the gem fully and willingly to her Father and say to Him, "Not my will, but Yours be done."
Ok I stopped writing the story there :) Haven't decided how to end it. Somehow, "gem" reminds me of To Kill A Mockingbird, and I laugh at the thought of Precious Jem. Teehee! :P
Can I share a song?
God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways
We cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way
God will make a way. I only have to Trust and Obey. :)
Precious Jem... remember you are beautiful to God. And to me.
Once upon a time, there was a Father. This Father owned lots and lots of land and property and had a thriving business. He had a little girl whom He loved very dearly and He would make time for her anytime she wanted, but He also knew that she would be overwhelmed by His power and the honour that others gave to Him if He were to keep her by His side all the time.
So He designated a pretty little cottage in a peaceful sunny field for her to live in, and would come and visit her from time to time. The Father appointed many people to help take care of His little girl; a Nanny and a Guardian and a Tutor and many, many other people who helped to keep the world of the little girl warm and sunshiny. The little girl had everything she needed and sometimes was even given a little more sweets than were strictly necessary, because the Father loved her so much and wanted her to be happy.
Ever since this little girl could remember, all the people around her told her of a Treasure the Father was reserving for her. It was told to her when her hair was being brushed; it was sung to her as she swung on swings in the sunshine; it was whispered to her as a lullaby before she fell asleep at night. Nobody knew what this Treasure was, only they knew it would be given to her in due time, and that it was absolutely certain that it would be given to her one day. But this made the little girl wonder and wonder about it as she ran about day by day, and the leaves on the trees in the little wood nearby whispered many things to her as she played next to it. None of these leaf-whisperings were true, but the impatient little girl clung onto them because she wanted so much to know what it was.
Now everyday the Father would want to come and be with His little girl, but being only a very young and restless little girl, she would often forget to meet Him, or despise her homework and run away to play and forget about meeting Him, or only stay a few minutes before she would get fidgety and run out of the room. But when she did remember, she would love that time spent with her Father, because He was loving and firm and helped her to grow just that little bit bigger than she was before. Yet the fickle little girl often forgot this wonderful time spent with her Father and ran about her own business, avoiding her homework as much as she could even though she knew it was good for her.
One day, the little girl came across a room on which there was a sign saying "Do Not Look", but being an incurably curious as well as disobedient little girl, she pushed open the door a little way and peeked in. There she saw her Father against a bright light, and He was standing in front of a velvet box labelled "For My little girl" which was wide open. In one hand He held a sparkling gem, and the brilliance of that gem caught the little girl's breath and took it right away. It was so beautiful, that gem, and the little girl wanted it very, very badly. She tried to pull herself away from the door because she knew she should not have been so sneaky, but her eyes had been caught by the sparkling gem and by her own will she could not turn away. She tried to go no further than the door, but the more she stood there the less she could control her feet. All the while the Father stood there gazing lovingly at the gem in His hand.
Suddenly, the little girl could take it no more. She dashed forward and grabbed the gem from the Father's hand, and without waiting for Him to say a word, she ran away to her hidey-hole to hold the gem up to her face and look at it closely. Away from the Father's light, the gem shone less brilliantly, but it was no less beautiful and the little girl admired it very much. Maybe, she thought, this was the Treasure! It was very, very precious to her and from that day on she vowed not to let it out of her possession.
The Nanny and the Guardian and the Tutor and all the other people who heard about what the little girl had done came to try and persuade her to return the gem, but she refused. After all, hadn't the Father meant to give it to her? She was sure He had taken it out of that box and it was going to be for her, so why shouldn't she have it? Besides, the Father never told her to give it back, not even when she met up with Him in the days afterward. So no matter how much they scolded her and tried to punish her, she believed that the Father meant for her to have it and she held onto it tightly because it was the first thing that had meant so much to her. It was her Treasure, after all! What right did they have to take it away from her? Besides its great beauty, it held the Father's love for her, and so it was very very precious to her.
But gradually she began to remember the sign on the door, and that she had disobeyed it. She also realised that she had vaguely seen other boxes around, that might not have had her name on them. Couldn't the Father have meant this gem for someone else? And might she be stealing this gem from someone else? The little girl was torn, because the gem was so precious to her but at the same time she could see how precious it would be to someone else. It would be terribly unfair of her to keep it away from that someone else.
Slowly the little girl remembered other details of the scene. She remembered that as she dashed forward to grab the gem, she had seen in the Father's other hand a chisel, held as if it was about to keep shaping the gem. She looked at the gem and thought that it looked beautiful as it was, but she knew that the Father's taste was much better than hers and if He was going to continue shaping the gem, it would turn out more beautiful than before, perhaps the most beautiful gem in the world. By taking it away, she might have interrupted the Father's work! How could she, a mere little girl, do that to her almighty and ever-loving Father?
At this thought, the little girl could stand it no more. She took the precious sparkling gem from her hiding place, and made a decision that she would return it to her Father. The decision was very painful because the gem was so very precious to her and it had made her so happy for a few precious days. But she knew that she would have no peace until she knew what the Father wanted to do with the gem.
And so she went, step after painful step, down the hallway to the room where she knew her Father would always meet her, no matter what time of the day it was. "When I get before my Father," she thought, "I will open my palms and hold the gem up to Him and tell Him that I am sorry I snatched it from Him that day. Maybe He will tell me this gem is not for me and take it away, and that He has something else for me that is the true Treasure I am supposed to have. I will be very sad, but I will know that I am doing what my Father pleases. Maybe He will tell me that it's okay and that He meant for me to have the gem soon anyway so I can keep the gem now. I will be very happy, and I will be happy that I am doing what my Father wants. Maybe He will tell me that yes, this is the Treasure for me, but because He is not done chiselling it yet, He will take the gem back for now and I will have to be patient and wait until He is done with it. But whatever He does, I have to remember that this gem belongs to my Father and it is only mine if He makes a gift of it to me. And I must not allow my fingers to tighten around the gem if He is going to take it away. I must give it up to Him entirely, because He knows what is best for me."
And so the little girl goes, step by painful step, down that long hallway to the room where she is to meet her Dad. And she prays, fervently, for the strength to open her fingers one by one in order to offer the gem fully and willingly to her Father and say to Him, "Not my will, but Yours be done."
Ok I stopped writing the story there :) Haven't decided how to end it. Somehow, "gem" reminds me of To Kill A Mockingbird, and I laugh at the thought of Precious Jem. Teehee! :P
Can I share a song?
God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways
We cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way
God will make a way. I only have to Trust and Obey. :)
Precious Jem... remember you are beautiful to God. And to me.
QT Quotes
(gahh can i be lazy for once and not capitalise everything? :P i'll do it eventually. teehee.)
sunday's QT:
"Hebrews 13:5 tells us that God will never leave or forsake us, and Philippians 4:19 says that God will meet all our needs. when we accept Christ as our personal saviour, God promises eternal life. We trust God's promises, and God can help us to keep the promises we make."
"when we keep our promises, we model the faithfulness of God"
Genesis 9:14 "it shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud;"
monday's QT:
Psalm 1
v2: But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.
v3: he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.
v6: for the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish.
"that foggy morning helped me to remember the spiritual fog in my own life that had obscured my way. slowly but surely God lifted that fog for me by opening my heart each day to the light of God's presence."
"whether our spiritual fog is denial, unbelief, intellectualism, anger, fear, grief, addiction, abuse, pride, or anything else that hides the path, God can lift it. as we attend to God's presence and will, the way becomes clearer. the fog may not lift suddenly, though that has happened for some. as the path becomes visible, we are able to move ahead with confidence and assurance." (this has new meaning for me after a few days' worth of events :)
tuesday's QT:
1 Corinthians 12
v12: for as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ.
v13: for by one Spirit we wre all baptized into one body -- whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free -- and have all been made to drink into one Spirit.
v15: if the foot should say, "because i am not a hand, i am not of the body," is it therefore not of the body?
v17: if the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? if the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling?
v18: but now God has set the members, each one of the, in the body just as he pleased.
v20: but now indeed there are many members, yet one body.
v21: and the eye cannot say to the hand, "i have no need of you"; nor again the head to the feet, "i have no need of you."
v22: no, much rather, those members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary.
v23: and those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor; and our unpresentable parts have greater modesty,
v24: but our presentable parts have no need. but God composed the body, having given greater honor to that part which lacks it,
v25: that there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another.
v26: and if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.
wednesday's QT:
"we have our houses, cars, gadgets, and clothes and find ourselves working not to earn a living but to pay for everything we have. in this way we become controlled by our possessions."
"if we have abundant possessions, let us consider how we can use them to serve God and neighbour."
"help us remember, O God, that everything we have comes from You."
[skipped thursday's QT coz had CG :P ok, bad excuse. sorry God :S here's some bits that caught me now, though.]
Isaiah 58:6-9 "is this not the fast that I have chosen: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke? is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out; when you see the naked, that you cover him, and not hide yourself from your own flesh? then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, 'here I am'."
"Isaiah 58:7 explains that relieving the suffering of others is a valid way to fast."
"while denying myself the comforts of home and the convenience of regular routine in order to serve others, i learned that fasting is making the choice to give up valid desires in order to please God."
"i offered to God my work in the homeless shelter as a spiritual fast. the 12-hour days of cooking and cleaning required me to eat regular meals to keep going. being rigid about not eating could have weakened me and thus kept me from the holy task of giving suffering people a hot meal. each situation calls for different forms of self-denial that draw us close to our Lord."
"the fast that pleases God is different for each of us, as we serve those in need."
[skipped friday's QT :S sorry God!]
saturday's QT:
Habakkuk 3
v3: God came from Teman, the Holy One from Mount Paran. Selah~ His glory covered the heavens, and the earth was full of His praise.
v4: His brightness was like the light; He had rays flashing from His hand, and there His power was hidden.
v6: He stood and measured the earth; He looked and startled the nations. and the everlasting mountains were scattered, the perpetual hills bowed. His ways are everlasting.
v10: the mountains saw You and trembled; the overflowing of the water passed by. the deep uttered its voice, and lifted its hands on high.
v13: You went forth for the salvation of Your people, for salvation with Your Anointed. You struck the head from the house of the wicked, by laying bare from foundation to neck. Selah
v17: though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; though the flock be cut off from th efold, and there be no herd in the stalls--
v18: yet i will rejoice in the Lord, i will joy in the God of my salvation.
v19: the Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on my high hills. (i almost said "high heels" here :P :P)
sunday's QT:
Acts 5
v20: "go, stand in the temple and speak to the people all the words of this life."
v24: now when the high priest, the captain of the temple, and the chief priests heard these things, they wondered what the outcome would be.
v29: then Peter and the other apostles answered and said: "we ought to obey God rather than men.
v32: "and we are His witnesses to these things, and so also is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey Him."
"Lord, give us grace to be your faithful witnesses, even in hard circumstances."
monday's QT:
2 Corinthians 9
v6: but this i say: he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.
v8: and God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, have an abundance for every good work.
v11: while you are enriched in everything for all liberality, which causes thanksgiving through us to God.
"this reminds us that we too can become "dead seas" if we do not share our time, our resources, or ourselves with others."
"we keep the waters of life flowing through us and avoid spiritual stalemate by serving, giving, and sharing."
"loving God, show us how to let Your living water flow through us to others."
sunday's QT:
"Hebrews 13:5 tells us that God will never leave or forsake us, and Philippians 4:19 says that God will meet all our needs. when we accept Christ as our personal saviour, God promises eternal life. We trust God's promises, and God can help us to keep the promises we make."
"when we keep our promises, we model the faithfulness of God"
Genesis 9:14 "it shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud;"
monday's QT:
Psalm 1
v2: But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.
v3: he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.
v6: for the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish.
"that foggy morning helped me to remember the spiritual fog in my own life that had obscured my way. slowly but surely God lifted that fog for me by opening my heart each day to the light of God's presence."
"whether our spiritual fog is denial, unbelief, intellectualism, anger, fear, grief, addiction, abuse, pride, or anything else that hides the path, God can lift it. as we attend to God's presence and will, the way becomes clearer. the fog may not lift suddenly, though that has happened for some. as the path becomes visible, we are able to move ahead with confidence and assurance." (this has new meaning for me after a few days' worth of events :)
tuesday's QT:
1 Corinthians 12
v12: for as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ.
v13: for by one Spirit we wre all baptized into one body -- whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free -- and have all been made to drink into one Spirit.
v15: if the foot should say, "because i am not a hand, i am not of the body," is it therefore not of the body?
v17: if the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? if the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling?
v18: but now God has set the members, each one of the, in the body just as he pleased.
v20: but now indeed there are many members, yet one body.
v21: and the eye cannot say to the hand, "i have no need of you"; nor again the head to the feet, "i have no need of you."
v22: no, much rather, those members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary.
v23: and those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor; and our unpresentable parts have greater modesty,
v24: but our presentable parts have no need. but God composed the body, having given greater honor to that part which lacks it,
v25: that there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another.
v26: and if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.
wednesday's QT:
"we have our houses, cars, gadgets, and clothes and find ourselves working not to earn a living but to pay for everything we have. in this way we become controlled by our possessions."
"if we have abundant possessions, let us consider how we can use them to serve God and neighbour."
"help us remember, O God, that everything we have comes from You."
[skipped thursday's QT coz had CG :P ok, bad excuse. sorry God :S here's some bits that caught me now, though.]
Isaiah 58:6-9 "is this not the fast that I have chosen: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke? is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out; when you see the naked, that you cover him, and not hide yourself from your own flesh? then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, 'here I am'."
"Isaiah 58:7 explains that relieving the suffering of others is a valid way to fast."
"while denying myself the comforts of home and the convenience of regular routine in order to serve others, i learned that fasting is making the choice to give up valid desires in order to please God."
"i offered to God my work in the homeless shelter as a spiritual fast. the 12-hour days of cooking and cleaning required me to eat regular meals to keep going. being rigid about not eating could have weakened me and thus kept me from the holy task of giving suffering people a hot meal. each situation calls for different forms of self-denial that draw us close to our Lord."
"the fast that pleases God is different for each of us, as we serve those in need."
[skipped friday's QT :S sorry God!]
saturday's QT:
Habakkuk 3
v3: God came from Teman, the Holy One from Mount Paran. Selah~ His glory covered the heavens, and the earth was full of His praise.
v4: His brightness was like the light; He had rays flashing from His hand, and there His power was hidden.
v6: He stood and measured the earth; He looked and startled the nations. and the everlasting mountains were scattered, the perpetual hills bowed. His ways are everlasting.
v10: the mountains saw You and trembled; the overflowing of the water passed by. the deep uttered its voice, and lifted its hands on high.
v13: You went forth for the salvation of Your people, for salvation with Your Anointed. You struck the head from the house of the wicked, by laying bare from foundation to neck. Selah
v17: though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; though the flock be cut off from th efold, and there be no herd in the stalls--
v18: yet i will rejoice in the Lord, i will joy in the God of my salvation.
v19: the Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on my high hills. (i almost said "high heels" here :P :P)
sunday's QT:
Acts 5
v20: "go, stand in the temple and speak to the people all the words of this life."
v24: now when the high priest, the captain of the temple, and the chief priests heard these things, they wondered what the outcome would be.
v29: then Peter and the other apostles answered and said: "we ought to obey God rather than men.
v32: "and we are His witnesses to these things, and so also is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey Him."
"Lord, give us grace to be your faithful witnesses, even in hard circumstances."
monday's QT:
2 Corinthians 9
v6: but this i say: he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.
v8: and God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, have an abundance for every good work.
v11: while you are enriched in everything for all liberality, which causes thanksgiving through us to God.
"this reminds us that we too can become "dead seas" if we do not share our time, our resources, or ourselves with others."
"we keep the waters of life flowing through us and avoid spiritual stalemate by serving, giving, and sharing."
"loving God, show us how to let Your living water flow through us to others."
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Message To My Family. (even though none of you read this blog)
Don't give up on me
Please tell me... what am I supposed to do?
What are you feeling?
What are your concerns?
What do you think I should do?
Most importantly... what can I do to make you happy?
I want to see you all happy... I want peace in my family, I really do.
Am I only allowed one happiness in my life?
And if I am... which one do I choose?
Dear God, I was thinking about all this yesterday... and I wondered "What if Jesus comes tomorrow? So much for 7 years" and I laughed.
But if there isn't a huge announcement and a trumpet and a Loud Voice Saying something or other... what am I going to do?
Please don't be hurt. I'm probably overreacting. Let God handle it for me :) You just schmile, and lean on Him.
Please tell me... what am I supposed to do?
What are you feeling?
What are your concerns?
What do you think I should do?
Most importantly... what can I do to make you happy?
I want to see you all happy... I want peace in my family, I really do.
Am I only allowed one happiness in my life?
And if I am... which one do I choose?
Dear God, I was thinking about all this yesterday... and I wondered "What if Jesus comes tomorrow? So much for 7 years" and I laughed.
But if there isn't a huge announcement and a trumpet and a Loud Voice Saying something or other... what am I going to do?
Please don't be hurt. I'm probably overreacting. Let God handle it for me :) You just schmile, and lean on Him.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Do Not Grow Weary Of Doing Good >.<
Nnnngggggggghhhhhhhh!!!
Colours, Like Kites, Only Fly If You Put Enough Effort In Running. >.<
Thank You God for motivation.
Now Grace, Striveeeeeeeeeee!!!
If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darlin' wait and see
And between now and then, 'til I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, me
Colours, Like Kites, Only Fly If You Put Enough Effort In Running. >.<
Thank You God for motivation.
Now Grace, Striveeeeeeeeeee!!!
If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darlin' wait and see
And between now and then, 'til I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, me
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Later :P
Ok yes I said I would elaborate about YAF... Well basically the point was that to be an "overcomer" for God, we have to surrender to Him everyday and even more than once a day, even. And what that means is to let the Holy Spirit come to the fore whenever we face anything doubtful like temptation, and let Jesus affirm His authority of having already overcome even the potential to sin with the forgiveness that He has already paid for with His blood. Or something like that... I know it sounds rather complicated :P
My main take-away point in YAF: God Sees Our Heart.
Today was a day that I was struck with many little thoughts. I list them down here (so as not to kill my LJ friends' pages, again :P).
In DK Worship, we sang this song and it's one of my favourites because it always, always echoes the cry of me heart and reminds me to let myself be drawn to Him...
Draw me nearer to You
Nearer to You
Fill my life with Your presence
The way You want to
'Til my soul is ablaze
Each and every day
Draw me nearer
Nearer to You
There was an announcement about the Dolous (did I spell that right?) ship coming to Singapore next two weekends and the kids seemed pretty excited about visiting. I myself am rather interested, but gahhh schedules. At any rate it's amazing, because this ship is a travelling Christian bookstore whose crew sometimes does inland missions as well. Dawny has been on Logos, the sister ship, before. But this one was apparently built two years before the Titanic and is still in running condition... Making it like the oldest surviving ship ever built, I believe. All the kids were asking how it could possibly last so long, and the adults were giggling about it being due to GPS -- God's Protection System :P I do love DK service.
We did the Holy Communion ritual before going down to the sanctuary, and there were a couple of phrases that caught my mind then -- and I was reminded of them again later when I took Holy Communion in Contemporary Service too. (Ever since young, I've been very aware of the possibility of confusing "Contemp" with "contempt", and so I never really like to say "Contemp Service"... :P)
"Free us for joyful obedience" reminds me alot of my friend Cheryl from New Creation, and how she quoted the verse about "there is now no condemnation" at just the right time I needed to hear it. Yes, we need to be reminded that we are sinners and need God's grace... but God also means for us to be "freed for joyful obedience", not grudging work. Joyful obedience! I'll have to try to apply that to my studies, Lord... :S
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord" reminds me of Shu May :) I'm sure it reminds me of a few other people as well, but she comes to mind most easily because she recently commented on my blog about how it's so much easier to connect with people when you know they are Christians as well. And I find it to be so true... "blessed are those who come in the name of the Lord".
Instead of class today, we had prayer... The cynical bit of me expected the usual "bless my parents" kinda prayers as usual, and was considering bringing a bigger mat next time to kneel on, but quite quickly that bit was overcome (See? It works! :P) by God showing me how He is working even in these young children, such that they can pray with sincerity even when you think they aren't approaching God with the right amount of solemnity. Two or three prayers particularly caught me:
"Please cure my grandma from diabetes."
"Please cure my brother from his asthma, and help it not to be long-term."
"Thank You for protecting my sister when she was in Japan because I know it's cold there now."
Dear Lord... Forgive me for looking down on these Your children. I know they are Primary Four and likely to be more aware of things going on around them, but like many other adults I have discounted their ability to trust in You, to have strong and fervent faith in You. And now You have proven me wrong. Lord, help me continue to treat them like partners in this marathon of faith, not as beings who need to be coddled and spoon-fed and treated like spiritual blank slates. They need guidance Lord, but so do I and in fact I think I might need more guidance than them... And there is so much I can learn from them. Forgive me for not seeing this before Lord (or at least seeing it, but not really absorbing it into my attitude towards them).
Sometimes I find it amazing how much deeper God touches me in DK Worship than in Contemporary Service :P Thank You God for using Edmond wisely in drawing us to You.
Robin (or was it? I think it was Robin) was the Prayer Leader today, and he asked us to turn to two passages. I found these verses particularly insightful:
Ephesians 4
v29: Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
v30: And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
v31: Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
Ephesians 5
v1: Therefore be followers of God as dear children.
v2: And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.
Actually the verses immediately after that were very good reminders too. But I decided to stop here because if I went on I would be listing all the verses in Ephesians :P
I quite like it when Reverend Kang preaches :) I pray that God will continue to give us good stewards of the Word like him.
The main point of the Bible passage (Matthew 18:21-35) was that we need mercy from God, and we need to show mercy to one another. I won't go into the details of the analogy used to signify the unpayable debt we owe, because that information is probably easily available :P But one point struck me: the fellow slaves saw that the slave who had been shown mercy did not show mercy to his fellow slave, and they were distressed and reported to their lord. This reminded me that if we see any similar injustice, it is probably also our duty to report to our Lord... He already knows it because He knows everything, but in praying and lifting up to Him injustices that "distress" us, we will be comforted that God is both just and merciful, all at once, and He will punish and save according to what He deems right.
Rev Kang's main point was that there are two faces of mercy we can use to ask if we are showing mercy: forgiveness and kindness. What struck me was when he said "Kindness in your judgement on others", because often when we think of kindness we think of acts of charity like giving money to poor people etc. But there are so many other ways to be kind, too. And judging others is most certainly one way that people are usually least kind. I must really be on the lookout for this myself.
(His story of the boy's tears was rather sad. I almost teared myself. Sounds like something one could write into a song... [Kinda like Tie A Yellow Ribbon 'Round The Old Oak Tree eh? :P])
Interesting story he shared about William Gladstone too. Not going to reproduce it here because I'm not sure of all the details, but it is a very inspiring example of how one can be warm and forgiving even in the midst of public embarrassment, which is something rather hard for me to imagine -- public embarrassment is one of my greatest fears. (I had a rather bad nightmare this morning about me going back to MGS and experiencing quite a bit of bad public embarrassment. Gahhh not to think about it.)
Two things Rev Kang said before Holy Communion also caught me:
"This is not a table for those who are righteous. If you think you don't deserve to come, then the table is for you." -->Highlighting, of course, how much we need God's mercy.
"Put God's gift of mercy into your mouth and in your life." -->I ALWAYS wondered what eating the bread and wine had to do with receiving God's forgiveness in the form of Jesus Christ. Now it makes much more sense to me. :)
So much, so much to think about. Hope that I will be able to be thinking about these insights God brings into my life as I go about my everyday activities... Perhaps this is what it means to "meditate on the word" at all times, after all. As in, not the words themselves, but the meaning and the lessons behind them.
How could You have given me
Such sweet and steadfast love?
More than what the world could see
Much more than I deserve.
My main take-away point in YAF: God Sees Our Heart.
Today was a day that I was struck with many little thoughts. I list them down here (so as not to kill my LJ friends' pages, again :P).
In DK Worship, we sang this song and it's one of my favourites because it always, always echoes the cry of me heart and reminds me to let myself be drawn to Him...
Draw me nearer to You
Nearer to You
Fill my life with Your presence
The way You want to
'Til my soul is ablaze
Each and every day
Draw me nearer
Nearer to You
There was an announcement about the Dolous (did I spell that right?) ship coming to Singapore next two weekends and the kids seemed pretty excited about visiting. I myself am rather interested, but gahhh schedules. At any rate it's amazing, because this ship is a travelling Christian bookstore whose crew sometimes does inland missions as well. Dawny has been on Logos, the sister ship, before. But this one was apparently built two years before the Titanic and is still in running condition... Making it like the oldest surviving ship ever built, I believe. All the kids were asking how it could possibly last so long, and the adults were giggling about it being due to GPS -- God's Protection System :P I do love DK service.
We did the Holy Communion ritual before going down to the sanctuary, and there were a couple of phrases that caught my mind then -- and I was reminded of them again later when I took Holy Communion in Contemporary Service too. (Ever since young, I've been very aware of the possibility of confusing "Contemp" with "contempt", and so I never really like to say "Contemp Service"... :P)
"Free us for joyful obedience" reminds me alot of my friend Cheryl from New Creation, and how she quoted the verse about "there is now no condemnation" at just the right time I needed to hear it. Yes, we need to be reminded that we are sinners and need God's grace... but God also means for us to be "freed for joyful obedience", not grudging work. Joyful obedience! I'll have to try to apply that to my studies, Lord... :S
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord" reminds me of Shu May :) I'm sure it reminds me of a few other people as well, but she comes to mind most easily because she recently commented on my blog about how it's so much easier to connect with people when you know they are Christians as well. And I find it to be so true... "blessed are those who come in the name of the Lord".
Instead of class today, we had prayer... The cynical bit of me expected the usual "bless my parents" kinda prayers as usual, and was considering bringing a bigger mat next time to kneel on, but quite quickly that bit was overcome (See? It works! :P) by God showing me how He is working even in these young children, such that they can pray with sincerity even when you think they aren't approaching God with the right amount of solemnity. Two or three prayers particularly caught me:
"Please cure my grandma from diabetes."
"Please cure my brother from his asthma, and help it not to be long-term."
"Thank You for protecting my sister when she was in Japan because I know it's cold there now."
Dear Lord... Forgive me for looking down on these Your children. I know they are Primary Four and likely to be more aware of things going on around them, but like many other adults I have discounted their ability to trust in You, to have strong and fervent faith in You. And now You have proven me wrong. Lord, help me continue to treat them like partners in this marathon of faith, not as beings who need to be coddled and spoon-fed and treated like spiritual blank slates. They need guidance Lord, but so do I and in fact I think I might need more guidance than them... And there is so much I can learn from them. Forgive me for not seeing this before Lord (or at least seeing it, but not really absorbing it into my attitude towards them).
Sometimes I find it amazing how much deeper God touches me in DK Worship than in Contemporary Service :P Thank You God for using Edmond wisely in drawing us to You.
Robin (or was it? I think it was Robin) was the Prayer Leader today, and he asked us to turn to two passages. I found these verses particularly insightful:
Ephesians 4
v29: Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
v30: And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
v31: Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
Ephesians 5
v1: Therefore be followers of God as dear children.
v2: And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.
Actually the verses immediately after that were very good reminders too. But I decided to stop here because if I went on I would be listing all the verses in Ephesians :P
I quite like it when Reverend Kang preaches :) I pray that God will continue to give us good stewards of the Word like him.
The main point of the Bible passage (Matthew 18:21-35) was that we need mercy from God, and we need to show mercy to one another. I won't go into the details of the analogy used to signify the unpayable debt we owe, because that information is probably easily available :P But one point struck me: the fellow slaves saw that the slave who had been shown mercy did not show mercy to his fellow slave, and they were distressed and reported to their lord. This reminded me that if we see any similar injustice, it is probably also our duty to report to our Lord... He already knows it because He knows everything, but in praying and lifting up to Him injustices that "distress" us, we will be comforted that God is both just and merciful, all at once, and He will punish and save according to what He deems right.
Rev Kang's main point was that there are two faces of mercy we can use to ask if we are showing mercy: forgiveness and kindness. What struck me was when he said "Kindness in your judgement on others", because often when we think of kindness we think of acts of charity like giving money to poor people etc. But there are so many other ways to be kind, too. And judging others is most certainly one way that people are usually least kind. I must really be on the lookout for this myself.
(His story of the boy's tears was rather sad. I almost teared myself. Sounds like something one could write into a song... [Kinda like Tie A Yellow Ribbon 'Round The Old Oak Tree eh? :P])
Interesting story he shared about William Gladstone too. Not going to reproduce it here because I'm not sure of all the details, but it is a very inspiring example of how one can be warm and forgiving even in the midst of public embarrassment, which is something rather hard for me to imagine -- public embarrassment is one of my greatest fears. (I had a rather bad nightmare this morning about me going back to MGS and experiencing quite a bit of bad public embarrassment. Gahhh not to think about it.)
Two things Rev Kang said before Holy Communion also caught me:
"This is not a table for those who are righteous. If you think you don't deserve to come, then the table is for you." -->Highlighting, of course, how much we need God's mercy.
"Put God's gift of mercy into your mouth and in your life." -->I ALWAYS wondered what eating the bread and wine had to do with receiving God's forgiveness in the form of Jesus Christ. Now it makes much more sense to me. :)
So much, so much to think about. Hope that I will be able to be thinking about these insights God brings into my life as I go about my everyday activities... Perhaps this is what it means to "meditate on the word" at all times, after all. As in, not the words themselves, but the meaning and the lessons behind them.
How could You have given me
Such sweet and steadfast love?
More than what the world could see
Much more than I deserve.
Still Waiting
Still praying for God to show me whether He's speaking to me through my mum... Or speaking to my mum through me. *Sigh*
Must not be obsessed. >.< Must pray for discipline!
As shared in YAF today (and will be elaborated later), must let God take over my every thought, my every battle of the thought.
FOCUS.
Must not be obsessed. >.< Must pray for discipline!
As shared in YAF today (and will be elaborated later), must let God take over my every thought, my every battle of the thought.
FOCUS.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Peace Of My Mind :P
You know how in Christian literature, they often talk about having Shalom, that deep abiding peace from God that is present even in the most troubled times? The thing about it is that I've never really been sure whether I feel it. For sure, I don't feel calm and sure and stable all the time... There are times, even long periods of time, when I feel almost shaken to the core, almost beaten to the ground.
But as the song goes:
I am pressed but not crushed
Persecuted, not abandoned
Struck down, but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the curse
For His promise will endure
And His joy's gonna be my strength
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning
And in that case, I do know that I experience peace in bad times, not because I go through them calmly and with equanamity, but because no matter how pained and abandoned and crushed I feel, I know that in the end God will take me through. Whether He lifts me out or carries me through or lets me walk through it but never leaves my side, He will be with me all the way. And that is what I think peace really describes, the security of that knowledge even if your heart trembles with fear and your soul cries deep rending tears. Even if you think "God, you seem so far away", you know that He is there and He cares for you. And that is much more precious than any fake stability that anything on earth can give you. :)
Yesterday I was happy, but it was that kind of tense, binding happiness where you can't believe you're happy, you're almost waiting for the other shoe to drop, thinking that it can't last. But when God had sorted things out and there's stuff to look forward to and duties to fulfil in the meantime, I could finally relax and say I was content, and at peace. The closest I can describe it is: Imagine you've picked up a $1000 note that doesn't belong to anybody (and, in the pattern of primary school compositions, you've taken it to the police station and been told that you can keep it. :P) and of course you're ecstatic. You put it in your wallet and all day long you are walking around thinking of the $1000 note in your wallet, being happy but being so anxious that your wallet might get stolen, or the note might fall out when you take out your wallet to buy something, or the police station might find the owner and call you up to return it or something. You're happy, but tense. But then at the end of the day you go to the bank and you deposit the note into your bank account and then you start thinking, "What should I do with this unexpected windfall? How can I give back to God the blessings He has given me?" and then you start planning to set up a fund for poor children in your country, and you set up a timeframe and a plan of how to go about it... You have something to DO with that money now. And that's contentment and peace. :) (At least according to my story :P)
Yesterday's CG was good, we just had a time of worship, sharing and prayer. Couple of songs God seemed to be pointing in my direction that day, I'll just list their titles: "Times of Refreshing" and "Still". "Lead me to the cross" also seemed to call out to me, and when Kumuthan read out Psalm 91 I couldn't help remembering the Children's Ministry theme song of the same name. :)
I will dwell in the secret place
Of the Most High
I will stay in the shadow of Your wings
For Lord You are my refuge
My tower of strength
My hope is in You
Secure I stand
You will deliver me
Your truth will be my shield
Jesus You cover me
In Your love no fear prevails
No evil
No terror
No arrow
No plague
Shall ever come near me
For You are my safety
My hiding place
Jesus I trust in
Jesus I trust in
Jesus I trust in You.
During sharing, Adeline shared a part of Elizabeth Elliot's book, "Passion and Purity". (I want to get that book sometime :P) She wrote that when she and Jim Elliot (that famous missionary who was killed by cannibals and whose widow later ministered to them and the whole tribe converted -- I think) first confessed their feelings for each other, Jim said he couldn't commit because God might call him away to missions. Sure enough, He did, and Elizabeth spent the time waiting, praying that God would take away her feelings for Jim because it hurt so much and she didn't even know if it would amount to anything in the end. (Don't forget in those days, mission work was very dangerous and one could get killed while on missions -- so the uncertainty was much more amplified too.) But God rewarded their faithfulness and after 5 years they were finally reunited, and eventually married. I thought that was such a beautiful story of two faithful people and one ever-faithful God :)
And of course it's always edifying to pray in a group... even if it's about something as strange as shoes ;P
One thing I love about songs is that their meaning (or at least, their personal application to your life) changes when the context that you sing them in changes. One of the reasons why I often advocate ambiguity :) I think ambiguity leaves room for God to work in.
Still You
Hear me when I'm calling
Lord You catch me when I'm falling
And You tell me who I am
I am Yours
But as the song goes:
I am pressed but not crushed
Persecuted, not abandoned
Struck down, but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the curse
For His promise will endure
And His joy's gonna be my strength
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning
And in that case, I do know that I experience peace in bad times, not because I go through them calmly and with equanamity, but because no matter how pained and abandoned and crushed I feel, I know that in the end God will take me through. Whether He lifts me out or carries me through or lets me walk through it but never leaves my side, He will be with me all the way. And that is what I think peace really describes, the security of that knowledge even if your heart trembles with fear and your soul cries deep rending tears. Even if you think "God, you seem so far away", you know that He is there and He cares for you. And that is much more precious than any fake stability that anything on earth can give you. :)
Yesterday I was happy, but it was that kind of tense, binding happiness where you can't believe you're happy, you're almost waiting for the other shoe to drop, thinking that it can't last. But when God had sorted things out and there's stuff to look forward to and duties to fulfil in the meantime, I could finally relax and say I was content, and at peace. The closest I can describe it is: Imagine you've picked up a $1000 note that doesn't belong to anybody (and, in the pattern of primary school compositions, you've taken it to the police station and been told that you can keep it. :P) and of course you're ecstatic. You put it in your wallet and all day long you are walking around thinking of the $1000 note in your wallet, being happy but being so anxious that your wallet might get stolen, or the note might fall out when you take out your wallet to buy something, or the police station might find the owner and call you up to return it or something. You're happy, but tense. But then at the end of the day you go to the bank and you deposit the note into your bank account and then you start thinking, "What should I do with this unexpected windfall? How can I give back to God the blessings He has given me?" and then you start planning to set up a fund for poor children in your country, and you set up a timeframe and a plan of how to go about it... You have something to DO with that money now. And that's contentment and peace. :) (At least according to my story :P)
Yesterday's CG was good, we just had a time of worship, sharing and prayer. Couple of songs God seemed to be pointing in my direction that day, I'll just list their titles: "Times of Refreshing" and "Still". "Lead me to the cross" also seemed to call out to me, and when Kumuthan read out Psalm 91 I couldn't help remembering the Children's Ministry theme song of the same name. :)
I will dwell in the secret place
Of the Most High
I will stay in the shadow of Your wings
For Lord You are my refuge
My tower of strength
My hope is in You
Secure I stand
You will deliver me
Your truth will be my shield
Jesus You cover me
In Your love no fear prevails
No evil
No terror
No arrow
No plague
Shall ever come near me
For You are my safety
My hiding place
Jesus I trust in
Jesus I trust in
Jesus I trust in You.
During sharing, Adeline shared a part of Elizabeth Elliot's book, "Passion and Purity". (I want to get that book sometime :P) She wrote that when she and Jim Elliot (that famous missionary who was killed by cannibals and whose widow later ministered to them and the whole tribe converted -- I think) first confessed their feelings for each other, Jim said he couldn't commit because God might call him away to missions. Sure enough, He did, and Elizabeth spent the time waiting, praying that God would take away her feelings for Jim because it hurt so much and she didn't even know if it would amount to anything in the end. (Don't forget in those days, mission work was very dangerous and one could get killed while on missions -- so the uncertainty was much more amplified too.) But God rewarded their faithfulness and after 5 years they were finally reunited, and eventually married. I thought that was such a beautiful story of two faithful people and one ever-faithful God :)
And of course it's always edifying to pray in a group... even if it's about something as strange as shoes ;P
One thing I love about songs is that their meaning (or at least, their personal application to your life) changes when the context that you sing them in changes. One of the reasons why I often advocate ambiguity :) I think ambiguity leaves room for God to work in.
Still You
Hear me when I'm calling
Lord You catch me when I'm falling
And You tell me who I am
I am Yours
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
What A Difference A Spot Of Sunshine Makes :)
Oh, I know there will be trials
And rocky roads to face
And times when all we can do
Is lean upon God's grace
We might have to face mountains
And many a choppy sea
But knowing that someone is there
Is quite enough for me. :)
And rocky roads to face
And times when all we can do
Is lean upon God's grace
We might have to face mountains
And many a choppy sea
But knowing that someone is there
Is quite enough for me. :)
It Takes Time
Dear God, what have I done... I cared for him too much to keep silent but I needn't have gone that extra mile, either. Once again, my desire to know has undone me.
Had a heart-to-heart talk with Mum and the outcome of it is, "It's not the right time." And you know what? I think I can accept that... if only I knew whether:
1) He really does reciprocate (unlike the many other times when it has been one-way, and I always feel like those are my fault. Is it wrong of me to be overly affectionate? Why do I always feel an implicit accusation that it's my fault I care so easily for people? I don't know, another question to be answered by God.)
2) This is really the right path for us at all.
And I guess to me that is really the most important question, the question I've been praying over and over again for the past couple of months. The only thing Mum could say when I asked her, "How do you know??" is "It takes time."
And I can appreciate it taking time. I don't even think it's wise to rush things considering how much farther there is to go. But is there even anything there for me to wait for? Or is God trying to tell me "You're just good friends"??
I did think this morning that I wanted to settle it today, because I said a little too much and now it's like i'm running away from it. But all the wise advice points to this big sign --> WAIT. Yes, I can see how it most probably isn't the right time. (Another example of my stubborness; nobody except God can convince me, I swear. Well, maybe he can. I don't know if he's ever tried.) But dear God, will there ever be a right time at all, for this particular person? Or should I really save us both the trouble and just stay away from him, hoping to starve whatever feeling I have for him?
I'm just avoiding the middle road, aren't I? Yes, the middle road of not saying a word, but just waiting for God to bring things to happen, either to let it fade away or to grow. Of not trying to do things by myself. Of Waiting On The Lord, For Heaven's Sake!! (So much for taking my own advice >.<)
I was going to post the lyrics of the hymn "Take My Life, And Let It Be" here as a reminder of what I should strive for, but re-reading my words made me laugh at an alternative version of a well-known song that I came up with some time ago. I know it's mildly disrespectful to the original writers, but I find it true too. :P
It takes time to wait upon the Lord
It takes time to listen to His voice
Unless the Lord builds the house
We labour in vain
'Coz it takes time to wait upon the Lord.
Had a heart-to-heart talk with Mum and the outcome of it is, "It's not the right time." And you know what? I think I can accept that... if only I knew whether:
1) He really does reciprocate (unlike the many other times when it has been one-way, and I always feel like those are my fault. Is it wrong of me to be overly affectionate? Why do I always feel an implicit accusation that it's my fault I care so easily for people? I don't know, another question to be answered by God.)
2) This is really the right path for us at all.
And I guess to me that is really the most important question, the question I've been praying over and over again for the past couple of months. The only thing Mum could say when I asked her, "How do you know??" is "It takes time."
And I can appreciate it taking time. I don't even think it's wise to rush things considering how much farther there is to go. But is there even anything there for me to wait for? Or is God trying to tell me "You're just good friends"??
I did think this morning that I wanted to settle it today, because I said a little too much and now it's like i'm running away from it. But all the wise advice points to this big sign --> WAIT. Yes, I can see how it most probably isn't the right time. (Another example of my stubborness; nobody except God can convince me, I swear. Well, maybe he can. I don't know if he's ever tried.) But dear God, will there ever be a right time at all, for this particular person? Or should I really save us both the trouble and just stay away from him, hoping to starve whatever feeling I have for him?
I'm just avoiding the middle road, aren't I? Yes, the middle road of not saying a word, but just waiting for God to bring things to happen, either to let it fade away or to grow. Of not trying to do things by myself. Of Waiting On The Lord, For Heaven's Sake!! (So much for taking my own advice >.<)
I was going to post the lyrics of the hymn "Take My Life, And Let It Be" here as a reminder of what I should strive for, but re-reading my words made me laugh at an alternative version of a well-known song that I came up with some time ago. I know it's mildly disrespectful to the original writers, but I find it true too. :P
It takes time to wait upon the Lord
It takes time to listen to His voice
Unless the Lord builds the house
We labour in vain
'Coz it takes time to wait upon the Lord.